the given graph shows the nitrogen oxide emissions produced by four vehicles
the given graph shows the nitrogen oxide emissions produced by four vehicles
The line graph demonstrate the amount of nitrogen oxide emissions made up four different mean of transports.
Overall, pulic transports give off the most NO2 compare to those private transports. With the two most highest effectors.
There were a downwall trend in the first place. However, whent the speed increase from 60kph to 130 kph, buses has a sharp risen back to just under 45g of NO2 per jkm and lorries has increase gradually to 25g/km which still lower than them from the beginning. On the other hand, petrol car and diesel car have a sustainable developed in producing nitrogen oxide, just about 5g/km and 10g/km that much more smaller than the other vehicles. Depend on the number of NO2 the chart gave, we can see how transports impact on the environment.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"demonstrate" -> "demonstrates"
Explanation: The subject "line graph" is singular, so it requires the singular verb "demonstrates" for grammatical agreement. -
"mean of transports" -> "modes of transport"
Explanation: "Modes of transport" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts to refer to different types of transportation. -
"pulic transports" -> "public transport"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "public" and using "transport" in the uncountable form is more appropriate in this context. -
"compare to those private transports" -> "compared to private transport"
Explanation: The correct form is "compared to" for making comparisons, and "private transport" is more concise and formal. -
"the two most highest effectors" -> "the two highest contributors"
Explanation: "Most highest" is redundant; "highest" suffices. "Contributors" is a more precise term in the context of emissions. -
"downwall trend" -> "downward trend"
Explanation: "Downward" is the correct spelling and term to describe a decline in data. -
"whent" -> "when"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error improves clarity. -
"increase" -> "increases"
Explanation: The subject "speed" is singular, so it requires the singular verb "increases" for grammatical agreement. -
"buses has a sharp risen back" -> "buses have sharply risen"
Explanation: "Buses" is plural, requiring the plural verb "have." "Sharp risen" is corrected to "sharply risen" for proper adverb usage. -
"to just under 45g of NO2 per jkm" -> "to just under 45 g of NO2 per kilometer"
Explanation: Adding a space between "45" and "g" improves readability, and spelling out "km" as "kilometer" is more formal. -
"and lorries has increase gradually to 25g/km which still lower than them from the beginning" -> "and lorries have gradually increased to 25 g/km, which is still lower than their initial levels."
Explanation: "Lorries" is plural, requiring "have." "Increased" is the correct verb form, and restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality. -
"petrol car and diesel car have a sustainable developed in producing nitrogen oxide" -> "petrol and diesel cars have developed sustainably in nitrogen oxide emissions"
Explanation: "Petrol car and diesel car" is simplified to "petrol and diesel cars" for conciseness. "Developed sustainably" is a more precise phrase, and "in nitrogen oxide emissions" clarifies the context. -
"just about 5g/km and 10g/km that much more smaller than the other vehicles" -> "approximately 5 g/km and 10 g/km, which are significantly smaller than those of other vehicles."
Explanation: "Just about" is vague; "approximately" is more precise. "That much more smaller" is corrected to "which are significantly smaller" for clarity and grammatical accuracy. -
"Depend on the number of NO2 the chart gave" -> "Based on the NO2 emissions presented in the chart"
Explanation: "Depend on" is incorrect; "Based on" is the appropriate phrase. "The number of NO2 the chart gave" is rephrased for clarity and formality. -
"how transports impact on the environment" -> "the impact of transport on the environment"
Explanation: The phrase is restructured for grammatical correctness and clarity, using "the impact of" instead of "how transports impact on."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "buses has a sharp risen back to just under 45g of NO2 per jkm" but does not provide any context for this statement. The essay also states that "petrol car and diesel car have a sustainable developed in producing nitrogen oxide" but does not explain what this means.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by focusing on the key features/bullet points of the graph and providing more specific details. For example, the essay could state that "buses have the highest nitrogen oxide emissions, followed by lorries, then diesel cars, and finally petrol cars." The essay could also provide more specific details about the trends in the graph, such as the fact that buses have a sharp increase in nitrogen oxide emissions at speeds above 60 kph.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the nitrogen oxide emissions from different vehicles, the ideas are not clearly sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "the two most highest effectors," which lacks clarity. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the essay does not clearly delineate separate ideas or comparisons in a logical manner.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information in a logical sequence. Using appropriate cohesive devices consistently will help connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the main idea of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate to that idea will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help eliminate confusion and improve readability.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "emissions," "transports"), the overall word choice is often inaccurate or inappropriate, such as "pulic transports" (public transport) and "downwall trend" (downward trend). Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling ("whent," "risen," "depend") and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource does not sufficiently convey precise meanings and lacks the necessary flexibility and sophistication expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring correct usage of terms related to the topic. Practicing synonyms and collocations can help improve the natural flow of the essay. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy will contribute to clearer communication. Reading high-quality essays and analyzing their vocabulary usage can also provide valuable insights into effective language use.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as "demonstrate" instead of "demonstrates," "pulic" instead of "public," and "mean of transports" instead of "means of transport." Additionally, phrases like "the two most highest effectors" and "a downwall trend" are incorrect and hinder clarity. While the meaning is generally understandable, the errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Grammar Accuracy: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly subject-verb agreement and word choice.
- Variety of Structures: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, to demonstrate flexibility.
- Punctuation: Ensure correct punctuation usage to enhance clarity and readability.
- Vocabulary: Use precise vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively, avoiding vague terms like "effectors."
By addressing these areas, the writer can improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line graph demonstrates the amount of nitrogen oxide emissions produced by four different means of transport. Overall, public transport emits the most NO2 compared to private transport, with two significant contributors.
There was a downward trend initially. However, when the speed increased from 60 kph to 130 kph, buses experienced a sharp rise back to just under 45 g of NO2 per km, while lorries increased gradually to 25 g/km, which is still lower than their initial emissions. On the other hand, petrol and diesel cars showed a steady development in producing nitrogen oxide, emitting only about 5 g/km and 10 g/km, respectively, which is significantly lower than the other vehicles. Based on the amount of NO2 indicated in the chart, we can observe how different modes of transport impact the environment.
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