The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming. To what extent do you agree?

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming.
To what extent do you agree?

Some people are of the conviction that in lieu of investing national funds in regional environmental issues, the administration should allocate their budget towards more pressing global problems. While acknowledging the merits of this perspective, I do believe that the biological challenges cannot be underestimated.
On the surface, it is irrefutable that the national coffer should be distributed to critical matters on earth. In contemporary society, there is a growing emphasis on a plethora of urgent concerns, such as global climate shifts, the erosion of soil, and some animals that are on the verge of extinction. This might give rise to long-term consequences, coupled with posing significant risks to both human societies and natural ecosystems. For instance, approximately 13 million hectares of forest are lost on an annual basis, resulting in the paucity of habitats for many wild animals. Thus, distributing state financial assistance to these issues could shield the earth from being annihilated and provide superior quality for the globe.
Nonetheless, I am convinced that the natural surrounding matters should not be belittled. Environmental degradation is generally associated with problems such as air and water contamination, which have direct and immediate impacts on the populace’s health and local biodiversity. These negative effects are particularly evident in areas with low living standards, citing examples like slums in non-developing countries. Hence, biological matters require attention to prevent health crises and maintain the quality of life in affected regions. By focusing on these troubles, the government ensures that local communities remain healthy and sustainable, which supports overall social stability. Therefore, while addressing global concerns is crucial, it is equally important to ensure that local environmental issues are not neglected, as they directly affect the well-being of communities.
To summarize, while some people argue that governments should put a premium on menacing issues around the globe, it seems to me that the natural surroundings in each area should not be overlooked. As a result, a balanced approach that allocates resources to both local and global environmental concerns is essential for comprehensive and effective environmental protection.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people are of the conviction" -> "Some individuals hold the conviction"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal and precise than "people," and "hold the conviction" is a more academic way of expressing belief or opinion.

2. "in lieu of" -> "instead of"
   Explanation: "In lieu of" is a less common phrase that may sound overly formal or archaic in this context; "instead of" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic writing.

3. "the biological challenges cannot be underestimated" -> "the biological challenges should not be underestimated"
   Explanation: The original phrase implies that the challenges are currently being underestimated, which may not be the intended meaning. The revised phrase clarifies that the challenges should not be underestimated.

4. "the national coffer" -> "the national treasury"
   Explanation: "Coffer" is an archaic term for a treasury, and "treasury" is the more commonly used and understood term in modern English.

5. "critical matters on earth" -> "critical global issues"
   Explanation: "Critical matters on earth" is vague and informal; "critical global issues" is more precise and formal.

6. "the erosion of soil" -> "soil erosion"
   Explanation: "Soil erosion" is the correct term, and using it as a noun phrase is more direct and formal.

7. "some animals that are on the verge of extinction" -> "certain species on the brink of extinction"
   Explanation: "Certain species" is more specific and scientifically accurate than "some animals," and "on the brink of extinction" is a more precise and formal expression.

8. "This might give rise to long-term consequences" -> "This could lead to long-term consequences"
   Explanation: "Could lead to" is a more direct and formal way of expressing potential outcomes than "might give rise to."

9. "the paucity of habitats" -> "the scarcity of habitats"
   Explanation: "Scarcity" is more precise and formal than "paucity" in this context, referring to the limited availability of habitats.

10. "shield the earth from being annihilated" -> "protect the planet from destruction"
    Explanation: "Protect the planet from destruction" is a more formal and scientifically accurate way to express the idea of preserving the Earth.

11. "provide superior quality for the globe" -> "enhance global quality"
    Explanation: "Enhance global quality" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward and unclear phrase "provide superior quality for the globe."

12. "natural surrounding matters" -> "environmental issues"
    Explanation: "Environmental issues" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts than "natural surrounding matters."

13. "biological matters" -> "environmental issues"
    Explanation: Consistency in terminology is important; using "environmental issues" throughout the essay maintains clarity and avoids confusion.

14. "belittled" -> "underestimated"
    Explanation: "Underestimated" is more appropriate in this context, as it refers to the lack of recognition or importance given to something, whereas "belittled" typically means to make someone or something seem less important or valuable.

15. "air and water contamination" -> "air and water pollution"
    Explanation: "Pollution" is the correct term for the contamination of the environment, and it is more commonly used in academic and formal writing.

16. "the populace’s health" -> "public health"
    Explanation: "Public health" is a more formal and precise term than "the populace’s health," which is somewhat informal and vague.

17. "non-developing countries" -> "developing countries"
    Explanation: The term "non-developing countries" is less commonly used and can be confusing; "developing countries" is the standard term in academic and international contexts.

18. "menacing issues" -> "serious issues"
    Explanation: "Menacing" is too informal and emotive for academic writing; "serious" is neutral and appropriate for formal discourse.

19. "natural surroundings" -> "environmental conditions"
    Explanation: "Environmental conditions" is a more precise and formal term than "natural surroundings," which is vague and less specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding government funding for local versus global environmental issues. The writer acknowledges the importance of global problems like climate change while also emphasizing the significance of local environmental challenges. This dual perspective is well-articulated, particularly in the second paragraph where the author presents the potential long-term consequences of neglecting local issues. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit statement of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt, as the phrase "to what extent do you agree?" suggests a need for a clearer stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement early in the essay. This could be achieved by adding a sentence in the introduction that clearly outlines the author’s viewpoint, such as "I partially agree with the notion that funding should prioritize global issues, but local environmental problems must also receive adequate attention."

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, asserting that both local and global environmental issues are important. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the author acknowledges the merits of prioritizing global issues, the transition between discussing global and local concerns could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument. The conclusion reiterates the need for a balanced approach, which is effective, but the body paragraphs could better reflect this balance.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the writer should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of local and global issues back to their main argument. For example, after discussing the global issues, a sentence like "However, this does not diminish the urgency of local environmental problems, which are equally critical" could strengthen the connection between the two perspectives.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the loss of forests and the impact of pollution on health. The use of specific statistics (e.g., "approximately 13 million hectares of forest are lost annually") adds credibility to the argument. However, some ideas could be further extended. For example, while the author mentions the impact of local environmental issues on health, there could be more elaboration on how these issues affect different demographics or regions.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of local environmental issues. This could involve discussing specific health outcomes related to pollution in urban areas or the economic implications of environmental degradation in local communities.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the balance between local and global environmental issues. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the argument stays relevant throughout. However, some sentences could be more concise to maintain focus. For instance, phrases like "the administration should allocate their budget towards more pressing global problems" could be simplified to enhance clarity and directness.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for conciseness in their language. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the argument will help keep the essay on topic. Regularly revisiting the prompt during the writing process can also help ensure that all points made are relevant to the question asked.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some adjustments to clarity of position, elaboration of ideas, and conciseness, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the allocation of government funds between local and global environmental issues. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, stating that both local and global concerns are important. The body paragraphs are structured to first discuss the importance of global issues and then shift to local environmental problems, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Nonetheless, I am convinced that the natural surrounding matters should not be belittled" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the preceding discussion on global issues.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For instance, after discussing global issues, a phrase like "While global challenges are pressing, it is crucial to also consider the immediate impacts of local environmental problems" could provide a more seamless transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint, the second discusses global issues, and the third addresses local environmental concerns. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and concise, as it currently reiterates points made in the body without adding new insights.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also reinforces the overall argument in a fresh way. Consider starting the conclusion with a statement that encapsulates the importance of a balanced approach, followed by a brief recap of the key arguments without excessive repetition.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the surface," "Nonetheless," and "To summarize," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the use of more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the fluidity of the text. Some sentences feel slightly abrupt or disconnected, particularly when introducing new ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to introduce new points or counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother connections between sentences. For example, instead of repeating "the government," using "they" in subsequent references could improve cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "the administration should allocate their budget," "a plethora of urgent concerns," and "biological challenges cannot be underestimated." These expressions reflect an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. However, the use of some less common vocabulary, such as "coffer" and "annihilated," while appropriate, could be seen as slightly forced or overly formal in context.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions that convey similar meanings without sounding overly formal. For example, instead of "the administration should allocate their budget," one might say "the government should prioritize funding." This would maintain clarity while showcasing a broader vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "the natural surrounding matters should not be belittled" could be more clearly expressed as "local environmental issues should not be underestimated." Additionally, the term "biological challenges" is somewhat vague and could be more specific, such as "environmental challenges" or "ecological issues."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terms that directly relate to the topic at hand. For instance, instead of "biological challenges," using "environmental degradation" or "ecosystem threats" would provide clearer meaning. It is also beneficial to ensure that phrases are straightforward and easily understood by the reader.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "contemporary," "contamination," and "sustainable" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue practicing writing and proofreading their work. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and engaging in regular reading can also reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words in the context of environmental topics can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource due to its range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By refining these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is notable, such as in the phrase, "While acknowledging the merits of this perspective, I do believe that the biological challenges cannot be underestimated." This structure effectively conveys a nuanced argument. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, as seen in "By focusing on these troubles, the government ensures that local communities remain healthy and sustainable," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "This" or "Thus," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "This" or "Thus," consider using alternatives like "Consequently," "Furthermore," or "In addition." Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic rhythm in the writing. For instance, mixing shorter, impactful sentences with longer, more complex ones can help maintain reader engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the administration should allocate their budget" uses "their" to refer to "administration," which is singular and would typically take "its." Additionally, the sentence "the erosion of soil, and some animals that are on the verge of extinction" contains an unnecessary comma before "and," which can confuse the reader about the list’s structure. Overall, punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and singular/plural forms. A thorough proofreading process can help catch such errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly concerning the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions, can enhance clarity. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies that might not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, achieving a Band Score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the conviction that, instead of investing national funds in local environmental problems, the government should allocate their budget towards more urgent global issues. While acknowledging the merits of this perspective, I do believe that the biological challenges should not be underestimated.

On the surface, it is irrefutable that the national treasury should be directed towards critical global matters. In contemporary society, there is a growing emphasis on a plethora of urgent concerns, such as global warming, soil erosion, and certain species on the brink of extinction. This could lead to long-term consequences, posing significant risks to both human societies and natural ecosystems. For instance, approximately 13 million hectares of forest are lost annually, resulting in the scarcity of habitats for many wild animals. Thus, distributing state financial assistance to these issues could protect the planet from destruction and enhance global quality of life.

Nonetheless, I am convinced that local environmental matters should not be belittled. Environmental degradation is generally associated with issues such as air and water pollution, which have direct and immediate impacts on public health and local biodiversity. These negative effects are particularly evident in areas with low living standards, such as slums in developing countries. Hence, biological matters require attention to prevent health crises and maintain the quality of life in affected regions. By focusing on these challenges, the government ensures that local communities remain healthy and sustainable, which supports overall social stability. Therefore, while addressing global concerns is crucial, it is equally important to ensure that local environmental issues are not neglected, as they directly affect the well-being of communities.

To summarize, while some individuals argue that governments should prioritize pressing global issues, it seems to me that the natural environment in each area should not be overlooked. As a result, a balanced approach that allocates resources to both local and global environmental concerns is essential for comprehensive and effective environmental protection.