The government should sometimes infringe on people's freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is a common belief that the government's interference with human rights should be avoided. However, I firmly believe that government intervention can sometimes be necessary for civil liberties to protect people from danger and ensure that safety regulations are followed.
To begin with, everyone's safety is prioritized above all else. In situations where public safety is at risk, such as natural disasters, terrorism, or health crises, individual freedoms might be temporarily restricted for the greater good. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, governments imposed lockdowns and travel restrictions to limit the spread of the virus. Without interventions, the danger to individuals and communities would be far greater. Although these measures limit personal freedom, they are essential for safeguarding lives and minimizing harm to society as a whole.
On top of that, the reason for government intervention in individual freedoms is to make sure the safety regulations are not overlooked. Safety regulations, such as traffic laws, workplace standards, or environmental protection rules, are crucial for safeguarding the health and well-being of the community. By intervening, such as through enforcing these rules or carrying out regular checks, the government ensures that these measures are properly implemented and not ignored. For instance, in the food industry, health inspectors regularly check restaurants and food processing facilities to ensure they follow hygiene and safety protocols. This oversight helps prevent foodborne illnesses and ensures that food products are safe for consumption.
To sum up, the government plays a crucial role in protecting citizens from potential dangers and ensuring that safety regulations are followed. For these reasons, it is clear that government intervention in individual freedoms sometimes is necessary.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a common belief" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the statement, indicating a broader consensus rather than a personal belief.
"government’s interference with human rights" -> "governmental interference in human rights"
Explanation: "Governmental interference in human rights" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language by specifying the nature of the interference.
"I firmly believe" -> "I strongly contend"
Explanation: "I strongly contend" is a more formal expression that is suitable for academic writing, emphasizing a position with evidence-based reasoning rather than personal belief.
"can sometimes be necessary" -> "may be necessary"
Explanation: "May be necessary" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express possibility, avoiding the colloquial tone of "can sometimes be."
"everyone’s safety is prioritized above all else" -> "the safety of all individuals is paramount"
Explanation: "The safety of all individuals is paramount" is a more formal and precise expression, emphasizing the importance of safety in a more academic context.
"public safety is at risk" -> "public safety is compromised"
Explanation: "Public safety is compromised" is a more precise term that conveys the impact on safety more effectively than "at risk," which is somewhat vague.
"individual freedoms might be temporarily restricted" -> "individual freedoms may be temporarily curtailed"
Explanation: "May be temporarily curtailed" is a more formal and precise way to describe the limitation of freedoms, aligning better with academic style.
"the danger to individuals and communities would be far greater" -> "the risk to individuals and communities would be significantly higher"
Explanation: "The risk to individuals and communities would be significantly higher" uses more precise language, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the statement.
"make sure the safety regulations are not overlooked" -> "ensure that safety regulations are not overlooked"
Explanation: "Ensure that" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "make sure," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing.
"By intervening, such as through enforcing these rules or carrying out regular checks" -> "By intervening, such as through enforcing these regulations or conducting regular inspections"
Explanation: "Conducting regular inspections" and "regulations" are more specific and formal terms, enhancing the academic tone and precision of the language.
"food processing facilities" -> "food processing establishments"
Explanation: "Food processing establishments" is a more formal term than "facilities," which is somewhat generic and less precise in this context.
"helps prevent foodborne illnesses" -> "prevents foodborne illnesses"
Explanation: "Prevents" is a stronger, more direct verb than "helps," which is less definitive and less formal in this context, fitting better in an academic discussion of causality.
"ensures that food products are safe for consumption" -> "ensures the safety of food products for consumption"
Explanation: "Ensures the safety of food products for consumption" is a more formal and precise way to express the outcome of the government’s actions, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of government intervention in individual freedoms under specific circumstances. The author presents two main scenarios—public safety during crises (e.g., the COVID-19 pandemic) and the enforcement of safety regulations (e.g., health inspections in the food industry). Both examples illustrate the necessity of intervention, thus answering the question’s core aspect. However, the essay could have explored the counterargument regarding the potential dangers of government overreach, which would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should consider acknowledging the opposing viewpoint that excessive government intervention can lead to the erosion of personal freedoms. Including a brief discussion on this aspect would strengthen the argument and show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that government intervention is sometimes necessary for the safety of society. This stance is consistently supported throughout the text, with logical reasoning and relevant examples. The use of phrases like "I firmly believe" establishes the author’s viewpoint early on and reinforces it in the conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the extent to which the author agrees with the prompt, as this would clarify the position further.
- How to improve: The author should explicitly state their degree of agreement or disagreement with the prompt in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, indicating whether they believe government intervention should be limited to specific situations or if it can be broader would provide clarity and strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, using relevant examples to illustrate the necessity of government intervention. The examples provided are pertinent and effectively extend the argument about public safety and regulatory enforcement. However, the development of ideas could be more nuanced; for instance, elaborating on the implications of government intervention on personal freedoms could add depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on the consequences of government intervention, both positive and negative. This could involve discussing potential long-term effects on civil liberties or providing additional examples that illustrate the balance between safety and freedom.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the question of government intervention and individual freedoms. The examples provided are relevant and contribute to the overall argument. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable. However, the essay could further enhance its focus by ensuring that each paragraph directly ties back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made in the essay explicitly relates back to the main thesis. This can be achieved by summarizing how each example supports the argument in the concluding sentences of each paragraph, reinforcing the connection to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s position, but could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the issue and deeper elaboration on the implications of government intervention.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage by presenting the central argument, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the necessity of government intervention during crises, using the COVID-19 pandemic as a pertinent example. The second body paragraph shifts to the importance of enforcing safety regulations, providing a relevant example from the food industry. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader more explicitly. For instance, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a phrase like "In addition to crisis situations, government intervention is also vital in everyday safety regulations" could strengthen the connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on the justification of intervention during emergencies and the second on the enforcement of safety regulations. This clear paragraph structure contributes positively to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Government intervention is often justified in emergencies where public safety is at risk." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "however," "to begin with," and "on top of that," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively signal shifts in thought and add clarity to the writing. The use of examples also serves as a cohesive element, linking theoretical arguments to real-world applications.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "for example," you might use "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, employing more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "in contrast," could enhance the sophistication of the essay’s cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, meriting a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the clarity and effectiveness of the argument can be further enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "interference," "civil liberties," "safeguarding," and "oversight." However, the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For instance, the phrase "government intervention" is repeated multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, phrases like "the greater good" and "common belief" are somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with more original expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "government intervention," alternatives like "state involvement" or "government action" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "authoritarian measures" or "collective security," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the term "civil liberties" is used correctly, but the phrase "individual freedoms might be temporarily restricted" could be more accurately expressed as "individual liberties may need to be curtailed." The use of "overlooked" in the context of safety regulations is somewhat vague; a more precise term like "neglected" or "compromised" would convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. Engaging in exercises that emphasize the nuances of synonyms can help in choosing the most appropriate word for each context. Additionally, reviewing the essay for areas where stronger, more specific vocabulary could replace general terms will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text provided. Words such as "intervention," "regulations," and "protocols" are spelled correctly, indicating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, practicing writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, refining word choice for precision, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "In situations where public safety is at risk, such as natural disasters, terrorism, or health crises, individual freedoms might be temporarily restricted for the greater good." This showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which contributes to a smooth flow of ideas. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied to enhance engagement, such as using more conditional clauses or participial phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government does not intervene, the consequences could be dire.") or using participial phrases to add depth (e.g., "Having imposed restrictions, the government aims to protect public health."). This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the overall sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the use of articles is appropriate, as seen in "the government’s interference with human rights," and subject-verb agreement is consistently maintained. Punctuation is also mostly correct, with commas used effectively to separate clauses and list items. However, there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "such as" in the phrase "such as natural disasters, terrorism, or health crises," which could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, pay close attention to the rules governing the use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Practicing the placement of commas in lists and before conjunctions can help. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can further solidify understanding and application, ensuring that even minor errors are minimized in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that governmental interference in human rights should generally be avoided. However, I strongly contend that government intervention may be necessary at times to protect civil liberties and ensure the safety of all individuals from potential dangers.

To begin with, the safety of all individuals is paramount. In situations where public safety is compromised, such as during natural disasters, terrorism, or health crises, individual freedoms may be temporarily curtailed for the greater good. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, governments imposed lockdowns and travel restrictions to limit the spread of the virus. Without such interventions, the risk to individuals and communities would be significantly higher. Although these measures restrict personal freedom, they are essential for safeguarding lives and minimizing harm to society as a whole.

Furthermore, the rationale behind government intervention in individual freedoms is to ensure that safety regulations are not overlooked. Safety regulations, such as traffic laws, workplace standards, and environmental protection rules, are crucial for safeguarding the health and well-being of the community. By intervening, such as through enforcing these regulations or conducting regular inspections, the government ensures that these measures are properly implemented and not ignored. For instance, in the food industry, health inspectors regularly check restaurants and food processing establishments to ensure they adhere to hygiene and safety protocols. This oversight prevents foodborne illnesses and ensures the safety of food products for consumption.

To sum up, the government plays a crucial role in protecting citizens from potential dangers and ensuring that safety regulations are followed. For these reasons, it is clear that government intervention in individual freedoms is sometimes necessary to maintain public safety and protect the community.