The graph and bar chart below show the average monthly rainfall and temperature for one region of East Africa.

The line graph and the bar chart illustrate the average precipitation and temperature on a monthly basis for a territory of East Africa.

Overall, it is clear that monthly rainfall and temperature in this region vary considerably. Precipitation is highest in April, while temperature is highest in March.

Between the months of January and April, the amount of rainfall hovers around 25mm in the first two months, after which it quadruples to 100mm in March. The amount of precipitation in April is recorded as an unrivaled figure with nearly 280mm. The average temperature in this area of East Africa is around 22°C in January before witnessing a substantial rise to 24°C in the next two months and then slightly dropping to 23.5°C in April.

Five months later, both the average rainfall and temperature observe a significant decrease, hitting their lowest points in July at nearly 20mm and 21°C respectively. The amount of rainfall undergoes a sevenfold increase in October, leveling off until November and ending the period with a plummet to 70mm. Meanwhile, the last three months experience a sharp fall in the average temperature, which reaches over 21.5°C in December.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrate" -> "depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more formal term that aligns better with academic writing, enhancing the precision of the description.
"it is clear that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "Evident" is a stronger term that conveys certainty without the informal tone of "clear," making it more suitable for academic discourse.
"the amount of rainfall hovers around" -> "the amount of rainfall remains approximately"
Explanation: "Remains approximately" is more precise and formal than "hovers around," which can imply a lack of stability.
"quadruples to" -> "increases fourfold to"
Explanation: "Increases fourfold" is a more formal and precise expression than "quadruples," which can sound informal.
"unrivaled figure" -> "unprecedented level"
Explanation: "Unprecedented level" conveys a more formal tone and accurately describes the uniqueness of the measurement without the colloquial connotation of "unrivaled."
"witnessing a substantial rise" -> "experiencing a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experiencing a significant increase" is more formal and precise than "witnessing a substantial rise," which can sound overly casual.
"undergoes a sevenfold increase" -> "experiences a sevenfold increase"
Explanation: "Experiences" is a more formal choice than "undergoes," which can imply a negative connotation.
"plummet to" -> "decline to"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more neutral and formal term compared to "plummet," which carries a more dramatic connotation.
"experience a sharp fall" -> "exhibit a marked decrease"
Explanation: "Exhibit a marked decrease" is more formal and precise than "experience a sharp fall," enhancing the academic tone ofthe writing.
"which reaches over" -> "which attains"
Explanation: "Attains" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "reaches," aligning better with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that rainfall is highest in April, but it does not provide any specific details about the amount of rainfall. Similarly, the essay states that temperature is highest in March, but it does not provide any specific details about the temperature.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that rainfall in April is nearly 280mm, and that the temperature in March is 24°C. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the relationship between rainfall and temperature, or the seasonal patterns in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences appears mechanical or slightly forced. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in separating distinct ideas or trends more clearly.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smoother would strengthen the overall structure. More explicit referencing to the data in the charts could also help clarify relationships between the rainfall and temperature trends.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying information about the graphs. The use of terms such as "precipitation," "unrivaled figure," and "substantial rise" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "hitting their lowest points" which could be more precisely stated as "reaching their lowest levels." Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are instances where the phrasing could be more sophisticated or varied, which prevents it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. Additionally, ensuring that all word choices are precise and contextually appropriate would help to minimize inaccuracies. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more dynamic and engaging writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, indicating good control of grammar and punctuation. The writer effectively uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which contributes to clarity. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as "the amount of rainfall hovers around 25mm in the first two months, after which it quadruples to 100mm in March," which could be clearer. Overall, while the majority of sentences are well-constructed, the presence of occasional errors prevents a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on minimizing grammatical errors and improving sentence clarity. This can be done by revising complex sentences for better structure and ensuring that all grammatical forms are used correctly. Additionally, practicing with a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free will enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph and the bar chart illustrate the average monthly precipitation and temperature for a region in East Africa.

Overall, it is evident that the monthly rainfall and temperature in this area exhibit considerable variation. Precipitation peaks in April, while the highest temperature is recorded in March.

From January to April, the amount of rainfall remains around 25mm during the first two months, after which it quadruples to 100mm in March. The precipitation in April reaches an exceptional figure of nearly 280mm. The average temperature in this region of East Africa starts at approximately 22°C in January, then experiences a substantial rise to 24°C in the following two months, before slightly decreasing to 23.5°C in April.

Five months later, both the average rainfall and temperature show a significant decline, reaching their lowest points in July at nearly 20mm and 21°C, respectively. The amount of rainfall undergoes a sevenfold increase in October, stabilizing until November and concluding the period with a drop to 70mm. Meanwhile, the last three months witness a sharp decline in the average temperature, which reaches just over 21.5°C in December.