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The graph and chart give information about the vehicle and CO2 emission in England and Wales between 2000 and 2020.

The graph and chart give information about the vehicle and CO2 emission in England and Wales between 2000 and 2020.

The provided bar chart presents data regarding CO2 emission release in tons as well as daily transportation patterns over a span of 20 years starting from 2000 in two separate countries, namely England and Wales.
Looking from an overarching perspective, it is apparent that while the ton of CO2 emissions from cars, vans, and trucks all exhibited an upward trend, the figure for buses remained constant over the given period. It is also noticeable that the number of vehicles witnessed a marginal increase in its number throughout.
As can be seen in the bar chart, starting from 2000, about 20 tons of CO2 emission were released from cars, then the figure climbed considerably 26 tons over the surveyed period, representing the highest portion compared to other means of transport. Meanwhile, the amount of CO2 emission from trucks commenced at 15 tons in the year 2000, then the portion surged to 23 tons during the presented period, occupying the second largest position among other modes of transport. Additionally, while CO2 emission release from vans experienced a slight climb by 3 tons, the figure for buses remained unchange during the given period in two examined countries.
In 2000, the number of vehicles in the two surveyed countries stood at 20 million, then the figure went up slightly to approximately 25 million over a five-year period. The number then rose continuously and reached a peak of 50 million at the end of the studied period.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "while the ton of CO2 emissions" -> "while the volume of CO2 emissions"
    Explanation: "Volume" is a more precise term to describe the quantity of CO2 emissions, as it refers to the amount of space occupied by a substance. "Ton" refers to weight, which might not be the most accurate way to describe CO2 emissions.

  2. "exhibited an upward trend" -> "showed an ascending trend"
    Explanation: "Ascending" is a more sophisticated synonym for "upward," adding variety to the language and elevating the tone of the description.

  3. "the figure for buses remained constant" -> "the number of buses remained constant"
    Explanation: Clarifying that it’s the quantity of buses that remained constant, not a numerical figure representing something else.

  4. "As can be seen in the bar chart" -> "As depicted in the bar chart"
    Explanation: "Depicted" is a more formal and precise verb choice to describe the representation of data in a visual medium like a bar chart.

  5. "then the figure climbed considerably 26 tons" -> "then increased significantly to 26 tons"
    Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more precise way to describe a substantial rise, and "to 26 tons" clarifies the final value.

  6. "the portion surged to 23 tons" -> "the amount surged to 23 tons"
    Explanation: Using "amount" instead of "portion" is more appropriate when referring to quantities of CO2 emissions.

  7. "the figure for buses remained unchange during" -> "the number of buses remained unchanged throughout"
    Explanation: "Unchanged" is more precise than "unchange," and "throughout" clarifies the duration of the stability.

  8. "stood at 20 million" -> "was at 20 million"
    Explanation: "Was at" is a more concise way to describe a numerical value at a specific point in time.

  9. "then the figure went up slightly" -> "then it experienced a slight increase"
    Explanation: "Experienced a slight increase" is a more formal and descriptive way to convey the change in the number of vehicles.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in CO2 emissions and vehicle numbers in England and Wales between 2000 and 2020. The key features, such as the trends in CO2 emissions from different modes of transport and the overall increase in vehicle numbers, are clearly presented and highlighted. However, the response could be more fully developed, particularly in terms of providing more detailed analysis or insights into the data.

How to improve:
To improve the score, consider providing more detailed analysis or explanations of the trends observed in the data. Additionally, ensure that the information provided is relevant and accurate, avoiding any irrelevant or inaccurate details. Further extension and elaboration on the presented data would enhance the overall response and help to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. It logically organizes the data by discussing CO2 emissions and vehicle numbers over time. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "while," "meanwhile," and "as can be seen." However, there are some instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, such as transitions between paragraphs. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, discussing CO2 emissions and vehicle numbers separately.

How to improve: To improve cohesion, focus on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is logical throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is an appropriate use of technical vocabulary related to the topic, such as "CO2 emission," "bar chart," "transportation patterns," "vehicles," etc. The candidate also attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary, such as "surged," "witnessed," and "commenced," which contributes to the overall lexical variety. However, there are some instances where word choice could be improved for more precision and accuracy. For instance, "marginal increase" could be substituted with a more precise term, and there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "remained unchange" instead of "remained unchanged." Despite these minor errors, the vocabulary usage allows for clear communication of ideas and demonstrates an awareness of style and collocation.

How to improve:

  1. Continue to expand vocabulary range by learning and incorporating more diverse and precise lexical items.
  2. Pay close attention to word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies.
  3. Proofread the essay carefully to correct any spelling errors and ensure consistency in word formation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied vocabulary. There is consistent use of appropriate punctuation and sentence structures throughout. Minor errors occur occasionally, such as "then the figure climbed considerably 26 tons" where "considerably" may not be the most accurate adverb choice, and "the figure for buses remained unchange" where "unchange" should be "unchanged". However, these errors do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, strive for more precise word choices and pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tense throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the levels of CO2 emissions in tons from various modes of transportation, alongside the number of vehicles in England and Wales from 2000 to 2020.

Overall, there was a noticeable upward trend in CO2 emissions from cars, vans, and trucks throughout the period, while emissions from buses remained constant. Additionally, the number of vehicles steadily increased over the years.

Initially, in 2000, approximately 20 tons of CO2 emissions were attributed to cars. This figure experienced a substantial rise to 26 tons by 2020, representing the highest emission levels among all modes of transportation. Similarly, CO2 emissions from trucks started at 15 tons in 2000 and increased to 23 tons by the end of the period, ranking second highest. In contrast, emissions from vans saw a modest increase of 3 tons, while emissions from buses remained steady at around 10 tons throughout the period.

Regarding the number of vehicles, there were around 20 million vehicles in England and Wales in 2000, which increased gradually to approximately 25 million by 2005. Subsequently, the number continued to rise, reaching a peak of 50 million by 2020.

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