The graph below gives information about car ownership in Britain from 1971 to 2007.

The line graph compares the proportions of how many car a family owned over a period of 36 years from 1971 to 2007 in Great Britain.
It is clear that the figure for no-car-owing households declined gradually throughout the period shown while the opposite trend can be seen in the percentage for family having two cars. Also, the number of families having three or more cars witnessed a slow rise while the one-car owner remained stable over the same period.
In 1971, almost 50 percent of familes in Great Britain have no car following by one-car households with approximately 45 percent. By 1979, the proportion for no-car families decline under 42 percent, making one-car households by far the most popular type in Great Britain. The number of British families having no car countinued to decline before ending up at 25 percent in 2007.
In the first year of the depicted period, families who have two cars and three or more cars stood at 8 and 2 percent respectively. The figure for both types of families experienced a rise over the period shown, with the faster rise can be seen in two-cars owners. The percentage for two-cars owners surpassing those for no-car households in 2003 before reaching its peak in the last year with over 25 percent and the proportion of households having three or more cars finished the period with roughly 7%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how many car a family owned" -> "the number of cars a family owned"
Explanation: Using "how many" followed by "car" is grammatically incorrect. "The number of cars a family owned" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase.
"no-car-owing households" -> "car-less households"
Explanation: "No-car-owing" is awkward and non-standard. "Car-less households" is a more concise and natural alternative.
"families having three or more cars" -> "families with three or more cars"
Explanation: "Having" is not incorrect, but "with" is a more commonly used preposition in this context, making the sentence flow more smoothly.
"countinued" -> "continued"
Explanation: "Countinued" is a misspelling of "continued."
"stood at 8 and 2 percent respectively" -> "were at 8 and 2 percent respectively"
Explanation: "Stood at" is a bit awkward in this context. "Were at" is a more appropriate phrase to indicate the percentages at a specific point in time.
"faster rise can be seen" -> "faster rise is evident"
Explanation: "Can be seen" is passive and less direct. "Is evident" is a more active and assertive phrase.
"two-cars owners" -> "two-car owners"
Explanation: "Two-cars owners" is incorrect in terms of pluralization. "Two-car owners" is the correct plural form.
"surpassing those for no-car households" -> "surpassing that of households without cars"
Explanation: "No-car households" is clear, but "households without cars" is more formal and precise. Additionally, "that of" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"finished the period with roughly 7%" -> "concluded the period at approximately 7%"
Explanation: "Finished the period" is vague. "Concluded the period" is a clearer expression. Using "at" instead of "with" is more precise when indicating a percentage.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in car ownership in Britain from 1971 to 2007. It presents a detailed description of the changes in the proportion of households owning different numbers of cars over the period, highlighting the key features such as the decline in no-car households, the increase in one-car households, and the gradual rise in households owning two or more cars.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could further extend its analysis by providing additional contextual information or discussing possible reasons behind the observed trends. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in the data representation and using more varied vocabulary would enhance the overall quality of the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion by arranging information logically with a clear overall progression. The introduction provides an overview of the graph, outlining the trends to be discussed. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific trend and provides supporting details. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and there are occasional instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, it’s not always logical, especially in the second paragraph where the discussion of car ownership trends from 1971 to 2007 could be better organized.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on improving transitions between ideas to create smoother flow throughout the essay. Ensure that cohesive devices are used effectively and appropriately to connect sentences and paragraphs. Also, consider restructuring paragraphs to ensure logical organization and progression of ideas, especially when discussing complex trends over time.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of car ownership trends over the given period. There is an attempt to incorporate some less common vocabulary, such as "proportions," "witnessed," and "depicted," which enhances the lexical variety. However, there are inaccuracies and imprecise word choices throughout the essay. For example, "the figure for no-car-owing households declined gradually" could be improved by using "car-less" instead of "no-car-owing," and "countinued" should be corrected to "continued." Additionally, there are instances where more specific vocabulary could be employed for clearer expression, such as using "steadily" instead of "slow rise." Despite these errors, communication is not significantly impeded.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, aim for greater precision in word choice and avoid repetitive phrasing. Proofreading for accuracy in spelling and word formation is crucial to ensure clarity and coherence. Additionally, expanding vocabulary by learning and incorporating synonyms and advanced lexical items will enhance the sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay attempts a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some complex sentences. There is an effort to use varied vocabulary, and the essay demonstrates an understanding of the task. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as errors in subject-verb agreement and incorrect word choices, which can sometimes hinder communication. Punctuation is also inconsistent.
How to improve: Focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by revising sentences for clarity and correctness. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and appropriate word choices. Additionally, aim for more consistent and accurate punctuation usage to improve readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph delineates the evolution of car ownership within British households over a span of 36 years, from 1971 to 2007.

It is evident that the percentage of households without cars witnessed a gradual decline throughout the depicted period, while conversely, the proportion of households owning two cars experienced an upward trend. Additionally, there was a gradual increase in the number of households possessing three or more cars, whereas the percentage of single-car households remained relatively stable over the same timeframe.

In 1971, close to 50 percent of families in Great Britain did not own a car, followed by approximately 45 percent of households owning one car. By 1979, the proportion of households without cars had decreased to below 42 percent, making single-car ownership the most prevalent type in Great Britain. The decline in the percentage of households without cars persisted, reaching 25 percent by 2007.

In the initial year of the depicted period, households owning two cars and three or more cars constituted 8 percent and 2 percent respectively. Both categories experienced an increase over the period, with two-car ownership experiencing a more rapid ascent. The percentage of households owning two cars surpassed those without cars in 2003, reaching its zenith in the final year with over 25 percent, while households with three or more cars concluded the period at roughly 7 percent.