The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given diagram compares the number of oversea travellers to five distinct countries, including the USA, France, Malaysia, Brazil, and Egypt over a 15-year period, from 1995 to 2010.
Overall, there was an increase in the number of overseas travelers to the afore-mentioned five countries between 1995 to 2010. Notably, the most dramatic rise being seen in the figure for those who paid a visit to France.
Regarding the figure for the USA's international tourists, despite a steady growth from 70 to almost 90 millions between 1995 to 2005, it fell slightly towards the end of the period, with the respective data standing at approximately 80 million. In comparison, the number of overseas goers travelled to France witnessed a staggering growth throughout a 15-year period. Specifically, just above 30 million international tourists in 1995, this was followed closely by a subsequent upward propensity, particularly from 2000 onwards, concluding the period at nearly 90 million, just as the same as that of the USA.
Additionally, while the number of international visistors in Brazil and Egypt shared a compatible figure in 1995, accounting for nearly 10 million, the figure for Eqypt surpassed that of Brazil for the following decade. To elaborate, in 2010, the corresponding number of overseas travelers in Brazil and Egypt were 18 and 15 million. Malaysia's international travelers rose rapidly between 2005 and 2010, making up 34 and 46 million respectively.

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Errors and Improvements:

"oversea travellers" -> "overseas travelers"
Explanation: "Oversea" is not commonly used in English to refer to travel; "overseas" is the correct term for travel across bodies of water.
"afore-mentioned" -> "aforementioned"
Explanation: The hyphen in "afore-mentioned" is unnecessary; "aforementioned" is a single word that means previously mentioned.
"figure for those who paid a visit to France" -> "figure for visitors to France"
Explanation: "Those who paid a visit to France" can be simplified to "visitors to France" for clarity and conciseness.
"USA’s international tourists" -> "international tourists to the USA"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "international tourists to the USA" improves clarity and readability.
"overseas goers" -> "overseas travelers"
Explanation: "Overseas goers" is informal; "overseas travelers" is a more formal and appropriate term for those traveling abroad.
"upward propensity" -> "upward trend"
Explanation: "Upward propensity" is awkward and uncommon; "upward trend" is a more standard and clear way to describe a rise in numbers.
"just as the same as" -> "equivalent to"
Explanation: "Just as the same as" is redundant; "equivalent to" succinctly communicates the idea of similarity.
"visistors" -> "visitors"
Explanation: "Visistors" contains a typographical error; "visitors" is the correct spelling.
"the corresponding number of overseas travelers" -> "the number of overseas travelers"
Explanation: "Corresponding" is unnecessary here; "the number of overseas travelers" is clear and concise.
"making up" -> "amounting to"
Explanation: "Making up" is informal; "amounting to" is a more formal and precise alternative for describing numbers.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in international tourist arrivals for the five countries over a 15-year period. It adequately summarizes the information and makes relevant comparisons between the countries. The key features, such as the overall increase in tourist numbers and the specific growth rates for each country, are clearly presented.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific data points or percentages to support the descriptions. Additionally, ensuring that the language is more precise and formal would enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific country’s data, maintaining a coherent structure. The introduction and conclusion frame the discussion effectively, summarizing the main trends. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to link ideas and maintain flow, though there are minor instances of repetitive phrasing ("international tourists" and "overseas travelers"). However, the overall cohesion is strong, guiding the reader smoothly through the essay. Paragraphing is sufficiently managed, with each paragraph dedicated to a particular country’s data.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider varying sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure consistent referencing throughout the essay, using pronouns or synonyms to avoid redundancy. Pay attention to paragraphing to maintain a logical flow of ideas, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the comparison. Overall, continue to focus on maintaining clarity and cohesion in your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively utilizes less common lexical items and demonstrates awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To further improve lexical resource, focus on consistently using more sophisticated and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Pay close attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation to minimize errors and enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the response. There is effective use of transition words and phrases to connect ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and inaccuracies scattered throughout the essay, although they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, ensure that complex structures are utilized accurately and consistently throughout the essay. Proofreading for minor errors and revising where necessary will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the comparison of international tourist arrivals in five distinct countries—USA, France, Malaysia, Brazil, and Egypt—over the span of 15 years, from 1995 to 2010.

Overall, there was a noticeable increase in the number of overseas travelers to these countries during the specified period. Particularly noteworthy was the remarkable surge in visitors to France.

Beginning with the USA, there was a steady growth in international tourist numbers from around 70 million in 1995 to nearly 90 million by 2005. However, there was a slight decline towards the end of the period, with figures standing at approximately 80 million. In contrast, France experienced a significant and consistent rise in international tourists throughout the entire period. Starting at just above 30 million in 1995, the number increased steadily, particularly from 2000 onwards, reaching almost 90 million by 2010, matching the USA’s figures.

Moreover, while Brazil and Egypt had comparable numbers of international visitors in 1995, both around 10 million, Egypt surpassed Brazil over the following decade. By 2010, Brazil had 18 million international tourists, whereas Egypt had 15 million. Malaysia witnessed rapid growth in international travelers between 2005 and 2010, with figures rising from 34 to 46 million, respectively.

Overall, the data demonstrates varied trends in international tourism among the five countries over the specified timeframe.