The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The line chart below illustrates the proportion of urban population in four distinct Asian nations from 1970 to 2020 as well as giving the projection in the following years until 2040.

In general, it is obvious that the number of urban residents will probably be higher after 70 years in spite of diverse fluctuations. In comparison with the others, the most significant upward trend is predicted to be owned by Malaysia due to its increasing figure recorded in recent years.

To commence with, the Philippines dominated the chart with approximately 32% in 1970. 10 years later, it observed a slight increase before a surge in 1990 and regained first place. However, the dominance of the Philippines did not take too long since a dramatic drop from nearly 50% to 41% during the next 20 years. After that fluctuation, the quantity of urban households in the Philippines is projected to gradually rise to the highest point by 2040. The similar status is witnessed in Thailand as well, where the amount of people who are citizens was under 20% in the starting point then being up and down moderately and predicted to have a drastic increase in the end of the given period.

Observing the line presenting Malaysia, the percentage of which was around 1% less than that of the Philippines in 1970, a millennial change was seen from 1980 to 1990 before a magnificent rise to 75% in 2020. Malaysia's figure is absolutely projected to keep on its trend until 2040. The percentage of urban individuals in Indonesia observe the same trend as that in Malaysia. From the lowest level at around 13% in 1970, it has shown the potential of surpassing Philippines and Thailand then over tripling the original number in the end of the time course of 70 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line chart below illustrates" -> "The line graph below depicts"
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates" with "depicts" adds variety to the vocabulary and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"the proportion of urban population" -> "the urban population proportion"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "the urban population proportion" maintains clarity while sounding more sophisticated.
"In general, it is obvious that" -> "Overall, it is evident that"
Explanation: Replacing "In general, it is obvious that" with "Overall, it is evident that" improves the formality and clarity of the statement.
"the most significant upward trend is predicted to be owned by" -> "the most notable upward trend is forecasted to be experienced by"
Explanation: Using "forecasted to be experienced by" instead of "predicted to be owned by" sounds more formal and precise in describing the trend.
"dominated the chart with approximately 32%" -> "held the highest percentage on the chart at around 32%"
Explanation: Adding "held the highest percentage on the chart" provides a clearer description of the dominance of the Philippines in the data.
"a millennial change was seen" -> "a substantial change was observed"
Explanation: Replacing "a millennial change was seen" with "a substantial change was observed" conveys the idea of a significant change more effectively.
"over tripling the original number" -> "more than tripling the initial figure"
Explanation: Using "more than tripling the initial figure" is a more precise and formal way to describe the increase in numbers.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the urban population trends in four Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. The key features and trends are highlighted, such as the fluctuations in urban population percentages over the years. However, some details may be inaccurate or irrelevant, and the response could be more fully developed.
How to improve: To improve, focus on providing accurate and relevant details. Ensure that the information presented is clear and directly related to the trends in urban population. Additionally, consider expanding on the analysis and providing more in-depth explanations of the trends observed in the data.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The essay jumps between countries without a clear structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the information. Additionally, there is some use of cohesive devices, but they are inadequate and sometimes inaccurate. The essay lacks clear referencing and substitution, leading to some repetition. Paragraphing is also inadequate, with the essay lacking clear breaks between different ideas.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on creating a clear structure that follows a logical progression. Start with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed and then organize the information by country in a systematic way. Use cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to connect ideas and avoid repetition. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and use paragraphing effectively to separate different points. By improving the overall organization and cohesion of the essay, you can enhance its coherence and make it easier for the reader to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "a millennial change" and "a drastic increase." Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, such as "witnessed in Malaysia" instead of "witnessed in Malaysia," which do not impede communication but could be improved for clarity.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more accuracy in word choice and collocation. Pay attention to word formation and spelling to avoid errors that may affect the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, try to incorporate more sophisticated and natural vocabulary to elevate the lexical quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, but they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay attempts to use a variety of structures but could benefit from more accuracy and consistency.

How to improve: To improve the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score, the writer should focus on enhancing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation errors. Using a wider range of structures with more precision and consistency will help elevate the band score. Additionally, proofreading the essay for grammatical errors before submission is recommended.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart provided illustrates the percentage of the urban population in four distinct Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, with projections for the years 2030 and 2040.

Overall, it is evident that the urban population is expected to increase significantly over the 70-year period, despite fluctuations in the data. Among the countries analyzed, Malaysia is forecasted to experience the most substantial growth due to its recent upward trend.

Beginning with the Philippines, which had the highest urban population percentage at around 32% in 1970, the country saw a slight increase after 10 years, followed by a surge in 1990 reclaiming the top spot. However, this dominance was short-lived as the percentage dropped dramatically from nearly 50% to 41% over the next 20 years. Subsequently, the urban population in the Philippines is projected to steadily increase to its peak by 2040. A similar pattern is observed in Thailand, where the urban population started below 20% in 1970, fluctuated moderately, and is predicted to experience a significant increase by the end of the period.

Looking at Malaysia, which had a percentage slightly lower than the Philippines in 1970, a significant change occurred from 1980 to 1990, leading to a remarkable increase to 75% by 2020. Malaysia’s urban population is expected to continue this upward trend until 2040. The trend in Indonesia mirrors that of Malaysia, starting at around 13% in 1970, showing potential to surpass the Philippines and Thailand, and more than tripling the original percentage by the end of the 70-year period.