The graph below gives information from 1 2008 report about the consumption of energy in the USA with projections from 1980 until 2030.

The line graph provides information about the consumption of non-renewable energy including:petrol and oil,coal,and natural gas and renewable energy including:nuclear,solar/wind and hydropower in the USA in 1980 and predicts to 2030.

It is clear that,petrol and oil always makes up the highest quanities energy consumption according to the statistic.Besides that,coal and natural gas also occupy a remarkable number,meanwhile,the green energy only takes up unotable compared with the total consumption of the USA.

In the 1980s, petrol and oil were the major energy sources consumed in the USA, fluctuating from 30 to 35 quadrillion units, followed by coal and natural gas with numbers at 15 and 20 quadrillion units, respectively.In contrast,the renewable energy consisting of:nuclear,solar/wind and hypropower witnessed negligible number was about approximately 5 quadrillion units.
According to the graph,after 50 years,there will be some sustainable changes.Firstly,people in the USA will have tendency in using petrol and oil with a significant increase at nearly 50 quadrillion.In addition,the number of coal will also soar dramatically at 30 quadrillion,followed by natural gas with numbers under 25 quadrillion units.Meanwhile,the renewable energy will witness insignificant changes at about 10 quadrillion units in 2030.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the consumption of non-renewable energy including:petrol and oil,coal,and natural gas and renewable energy including:nuclear,solar/wind and hydropower" -> "the consumption of non-renewable energy sources, including petrol, oil, coal, and natural gas, as well as renewable energy sources, including nuclear, solar, wind, and hydropower"
Explanation: The original phrasing lacks clarity and proper punctuation. The improved version uses commas for better separation of items and clarifies that both non-renewable and renewable energy sources are being discussed.
"always makes up the highest quanities energy consumption" -> "consistently constitutes the highest quantities of energy consumption"
Explanation: "Always makes up" is informal and vague; "consistently constitutes" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "quanities" is a misspelling and should be "quantities," while "of energy consumption" is necessary for clarity.
"occupy a remarkable number" -> "account for a significant proportion"
Explanation: "Occupy a remarkable number" is vague and informal. "Account for a significant proportion" is more precise and aligns with academic language.
"takes up unotable compared with the total consumption of the USA" -> "represents a negligible amount in comparison to the total energy consumption in the USA"
Explanation: "Takes up unotable" is unclear and contains a misspelling ("unotable" should be "notable"). The improved phrase uses "represents a negligible amount" for clarity and precision.
"witnessed negligible number was about approximately 5 quadrillion units" -> "witnessed a negligible amount of approximately 5 quadrillion units"
Explanation: "Negligible number" is awkward; "negligible amount" is more natural. The phrase "was about approximately" is redundant; "approximately" alone suffices.
"there will be some sustainable changes" -> "there will be significant changes"
Explanation: "Some sustainable changes" is vague. "Significant changes" is more precise and conveys a stronger impact.
"people in the USA will have tendency in using petrol and oil" -> "individuals in the USA will tend to use petrol and oil"
Explanation: "People" is too informal; "individuals" is more appropriate in academic writing. "Will have tendency in using" is awkward; "will tend to use" is clearer and more concise.
"the number of coal will also soar dramatically" -> "coal consumption is expected to increase dramatically"
Explanation: "The number of coal" is incorrect; "coal consumption" specifies what is being measured. "Soar dramatically" is informal; "is expected to increase dramatically" is more suitable for academic writing.
"the renewable energy will witness insignificant changes" -> "renewable energy is projected to experience minimal changes"
Explanation: "Will witness insignificant changes" is vague and informal. "Is projected to experience minimal changes" is more precise and aligns with academic language.
"in 2030" -> "by 2030"
Explanation: "In 2030" implies a static point in time, while "by 2030" suggests a timeline for the projected changes, which is more appropriate in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in energy consumption. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as the statement that "petrol and oil always makes up the highest quantities of energy consumption."

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in energy consumption. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of information. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the trends in energy consumption, the ideas are not always clearly connected, leading to some confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, resulting in a mechanical flow. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively. Clear referencing and substitution can help avoid repetition and improve clarity. Additionally, organizing the essay into well-defined paragraphs with clear central topics will aid in guiding the reader through the information presented. Ensuring that each paragraph builds on the previous one will create a more cohesive overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the graph, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "quanities," "unotable," "hypropower") and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "remarkable number" and "negligible number" shows an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but these phrases are not effectively conveyed, leading to inaccuracies in meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary range by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to energy consumption. They should also focus on improving spelling and ensuring correct word forms are used. Additionally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can help convey ideas more naturally and fluently. Lastly, reducing repetition and employing synonyms can enhance the overall quality of the vocabulary used in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the highest quanities energy consumption" and "unotable compared with the total consumption" contain errors that detract from clarity. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and transitions is inconsistent, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy. They should also pay attention to punctuation and clarity, ensuring that ideas are expressed clearly and coherently. Regular practice with varied sentence forms and seeking feedback on grammatical accuracy can help improve overall writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides information about the consumption of non-renewable energy sources, including petrol and oil, coal, and natural gas, as well as renewable energy sources such as nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower in the USA from 1980 and projections until 2030.

It is clear that petrol and oil consistently account for the highest quantities of energy consumption according to the statistics. In addition, coal and natural gas also represent a significant portion, while renewable energy sources occupy a notably smaller share compared to the total energy consumption in the USA.

In the 1980s, petrol and oil were the primary energy sources consumed in the USA, fluctuating between 30 and 35 quadrillion units, followed by coal and natural gas with consumption levels at 15 and 20 quadrillion units, respectively. In contrast, renewable energy, which includes nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower, witnessed a negligible consumption level of approximately 5 quadrillion units.

According to the graph, after 50 years, there will be some significant changes. Firstly, the consumption of petrol and oil in the USA is projected to increase substantially to nearly 50 quadrillion units. Additionally, the consumption of coal is expected to soar dramatically to 30 quadrillion units, followed by natural gas, which will remain under 25 quadrillion units. Meanwhile, renewable energy is anticipated to see only minor changes, reaching about 10 quadrillion units by 2030.