the graph below shows consumers average annual expenditure on food, clothes, entertainment in the US between 2001 and 2011

The given chart compares the number of the average yearly expenses of consumers on food, clothing, and entertainment in the US during 11 years from 2001 to 2011.
Overall, it is obvious that there was an upward trend in Food and Entertainment sectors while the figure of food reached the highest rate in this chart. By contrast, the data in Clothes witnessed a significant decline over the period.
As can be seen from the chart, starting at 100$ in 2001, the figure for Food proliferated double times in 2002 before experiencing a constant level a year later. Over 3 years from 2004 to 2006, this data surged by 100$ and followed by a spike at 1,100$ in the last period. Turning to this figure for Entertainment, commercing at nearly 150$ climbed substantially to 300$ in 2001 before experiencing a relatively stable level in the following year. Over the span of 3 years between 2003 and 2005, this figure (…)
Looking at the chart in more detail, there was a downward trend in the Clothes sector from 1,000$ to 700$ during 7 years from 2001 to 2007 and later plummeted to its lowest point of 200 in 2011.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the number of the average yearly expenses" -> "the average annual expenditure"
Explanation: "The number of the average yearly expenses" is awkward and redundant. "The average annual expenditure" is more concise and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"consumers on food, clothing, and entertainment" -> "consumers on food, clothing, and entertainment expenditures"
Explanation: Adding "expenditures" clarifies that the data refers to the amounts spent, enhancing precision and formality.
"it is obvious that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal alternative to "it is obvious that," which is slightly less academic in tone.
"the figure of food reached the highest rate" -> "food expenditures reached the highest level"
Explanation: "The figure of food" is vague and incorrect; "food expenditures" is the correct term, and "level" is more appropriate than "rate" in this context.
"the data in Clothes witnessed a significant decline" -> "expenditures on clothing experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Expenditures on clothing" is more specific and formal than "the data in Clothes," which is incorrect and informal.
"proliferated double times" -> "more than doubled"
Explanation: "Proliferated double times" is incorrect and unclear. "More than doubled" is the correct term and is more formal.
"a constant level a year later" -> "remained steady for a year"
Explanation: "Remained steady for a year" is clearer and more formal than "a constant level a year later."
"this data surged by 100$" -> "this expenditure increased by $100"
Explanation: "This expenditure increased by $100" is more precise and formal than "this data surged by 100$."
"Turning to this figure for Entertainment," -> "Regarding the Entertainment expenditure"
Explanation: "Regarding the Entertainment expenditure" is more formal and academically appropriate than "Turning to this figure for Entertainment."
"commericing" -> "commencing"
Explanation: "Commencing" is the correct spelling, replacing the typo "commericing."
"climbed substantially to 300$" -> "rose significantly to $300"
Explanation: "Rose significantly to $300" is more formal and precise than "climbed substantially to 300$."
"a relatively stable level" -> "a stable level"
Explanation: "A stable level" is more concise and maintains the formal tone without redundancy.
"Looking at the chart in more detail" -> "Examining the chart more closely"
Explanation: "Examining the chart more closely" is more formal and precise than "Looking at the chart in more detail."
"plummeted to its lowest point of 200" -> "dropped to its lowest point of $200"
Explanation: Adding "$" before "200" clarifies the monetary value, and "dropped" is a more formal synonym for "plummeted."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay provides a general overview of the trends in the data, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that the figure for food "proliferated double times in 2002," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the figure for food increased from $100 in 2001 to $200 in 2002, rather than simply saying that it "proliferated double times." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying that the figure for clothes "plummeted to its lowest point," the essay could say that it "decreased significantly" or "fell sharply."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. The introduction outlines the main trends, and the body paragraphs attempt to provide detailed descriptions of the data. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where clarity is compromised, particularly in the transitions between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the flow of information could be improved for better readability.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Clarifying the structure of paragraphs by ensuring each one contains a clear central topic and logically flows from one to the next will also strengthen the overall organization. Furthermore, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring accurate referencing will contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the graph, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "commercing" instead of "commencing" and "proliferated double times," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the figure of food reached the highest rate" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more clearly. Overall, the lexical resource does not fully meet the requirements for higher bands due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms related to the topic. Using synonyms and less common lexical items can help convey meanings more effectively. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is essential. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions relevant to the context can also contribute to a more sophisticated and natural use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. It includes some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, but these do not significantly impede communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of structures, but the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent, leading to some awkward phrasing and unclear expressions. For instance, phrases like "the figure for Food proliferated double times" are not idiomatic and may confuse readers. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the grammatical control is not sufficient for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be achieved by practicing more complex grammatical forms and ensuring that all sentences are clear and idiomatic. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and grammatical accuracy before submission can help eliminate minor errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart compares the average yearly expenditure of consumers on food, clothing, and entertainment in the US over a period of 11 years from 2001 to 2011.

Overall, it is evident that there was an upward trend in the Food and Entertainment sectors, while the expenditure on Clothes experienced a significant decline throughout the period.

As can be seen from the chart, starting at $100 in 2001, the expenditure on Food doubled in 2002 before stabilizing a year later. Over the three years from 2004 to 2006, this figure surged by $100, culminating in a peak of $1,100 in the final year. Turning to the expenditure on Entertainment, which began at nearly $150 in 2001, it climbed substantially to $300 in 2002 before experiencing a relatively stable level in the following year. Over the span of three years between 2003 and 2005, this figure continued to rise significantly.

Looking at the chart in more detail, there was a downward trend in the Clothing sector, with expenditure decreasing from $1,000 to $700 during the seven years from 2001 to 2007, and later plummeting to its lowest point of $200 in 2011.