The graph below shows food consumption in Australia between 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how food was consumed from 1950 to 2010 in Australia.

Overall, there was an increase in the amount of vegetables, fruit, bread and seafood consumed, while the opposite trend was seen in meat consumption. In addition, the figure for vegetables was the highest consumption among all food types in the given period.

The amount of vegetable consumption started at 140 kg per person per year in 1950, after which it witnessed fluctuations until 1990, before reaching a peak of 160 kg after 20 years. Similar changes, but greater extents, can be seen in the figure for fruit, which rose dramatically from 80 kg per person per year by the beginning of the period to 140 kg in 2010. Conversely, the amount of meat consumed in 1950 was around 110 kg, followed by a slow decrease to almost 100 kg in 1980, despite the growth to approximately 120 kg after 10 years, it still witnessed a down-trend until the end of the period.

40 kg of bread per person per year was consumed in 1950, with a subsequent significant increase to 70 kg after 20 years and a drop to around 50 kg in 2000, before rising again to 60 kg by the end of the period. Finally, regarding the figure for seafood, there was a leveling out at 20 kg consumed in all time of the period, in spite of the minor drop in 1960 and the insignificant rise in 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"food was consumed" -> "food consumption took place"
Explanation: Replacing "food was consumed" with "food consumption took place" provides a more active and dynamic description of the subject, enhancing clarity and engagement.
"Overall, there was an increase" -> "Overall, a trend of increase was observed"
Explanation: Using "a trend of increase was observed" instead of "there was an increase" introduces a more formal and analytical tone, suitable for an academic essay.
"while the opposite trend was seen" -> "conversely, a decline was observed"
Explanation: "Conversely, a decline was observed" provides a clearer and more direct expression of the opposite trend, avoiding ambiguity.
"In addition, the figure for vegetables was the highest consumption" -> "Moreover, vegetable consumption accounted for the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Vegetable consumption accounted for the highest proportion" offers a more precise description, avoiding repetition of the word "consumption" and enhancing clarity.
"started at 140 kg per person per year" -> "commenced at 140 kg per capita annually"
Explanation: "Commenced at 140 kg per capita annually" provides a more formal and precise expression of the beginning point, using "per capita" instead of "per person" adds sophistication.
"witnessed fluctuations" -> "experienced fluctuations"
Explanation: "Experienced fluctuations" is a more sophisticated and precise alternative to "witnessed fluctuations," enhancing the formality of the description.
"Similar changes, but greater extents, can be seen" -> "Similar changes, albeit to a greater degree, are evident"
Explanation: "Albeit to a greater degree" offers a more concise and formal expression of the comparison, avoiding redundancy and enhancing clarity.
"rose dramatically" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" provides a more formal and precise description of the rise, avoiding colloquialism.
"Conversely, the amount of meat consumed" -> "In contrast, meat consumption"
Explanation: "In contrast, meat consumption" offers a more concise and direct expression of the opposing trend, enhancing clarity and formality.
"with a subsequent significant increase" -> "followed by a notable increase thereafter"
Explanation: "Followed by a notable increase thereafter" offers a more formal and precise description of the sequence of events, avoiding repetition of "subsequent" and enhancing clarity.
"drop to around 50 kg" -> "decline to approximately 50 kg"
Explanation: "Decline to approximately 50 kg" provides a more precise and formal description of the decrease, enhancing clarity.
"rise again" -> "increase once more"
Explanation: "Increase once more" offers a more formal and varied alternative to "rise again," enhancing clarity and engagement.
"there was a leveling out" -> "there was a plateau"
Explanation: "There was a plateau" offers a more concise and formal expression of the stabilization, enhancing clarity and precision.
"in all time of the period" -> "throughout the entire period"
Explanation: "Throughout the entire period" provides a more formal and precise expression of the duration, avoiding colloquialism.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in food consumption in Australia between 1950 and 2010. It presents and highlights key features, such as the increase in vegetable, fruit, bread, and seafood consumption, and the decrease in meat consumption, with some detail and data to support the description.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could more fully extend its explanations of the trends, providing more specific data points or comparisons where relevant. Additionally, ensuring that the data is accurately presented without errors or inaccuracies would strengthen the essay’s argument. Consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and sophistication. Remember to maintain a formal tone throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay effectively arranges information chronologically, allowing for a clear understanding of the trends in food consumption over time. It uses cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences, aiding in coherence. However, there are instances where the cohesion could be improved, such as in the transition between discussing different food types. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be more logically structured to enhance coherence further.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between discussing different food types and their consumption trends. Utilize cohesive devices consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Consider restructuring paragraphs to enhance logical progression and organization of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is a variety of food-related vocabulary used appropriately throughout the essay, such as "consumption," "vegetables," "fruit," "meat," "bread," and "seafood." Additionally, the essay attempts to use less common vocabulary, like "fluctuations," "witnessed," and "subsequent," contributing to the flexibility and precision of language. There is also awareness of style and collocation demonstrated through phrases like "the figure for vegetables," "rise dramatically," and "leveling out." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "figure for vegetables" instead of "vegetable consumption figure" or "consumed in all time of the period" which could be more accurately phrased. Despite these minor inaccuracies, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve, focus on refining word choice and phrasing to enhance precision and accuracy. Pay attention to collocation and ensure that less common vocabulary is used appropriately within the context of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in word formation and spelling can further enhance the lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating various structures such as compound and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures to convey information about food consumption trends. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which occasionally affect the clarity of communication. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the amount of vegetable consumption started" should be "the amount of vegetable consumption starts") and punctuation ("after 20 years, it still witnessed a down-trend until the end of the period" lacks proper punctuation).

How to improve:

Review and revise for grammatical accuracy, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and appropriate punctuation usage.
Aim for clearer expression of ideas to enhance readability and coherence.
Expand the range of sentence structures used, incorporating more complex constructions to add variety and sophistication to the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph delineates the food consumption trends in Australia from 1950 to 2010.

In general, there was an upward trajectory in the consumption of vegetables, fruit, bread, and seafood, while a declining trend was observed in meat consumption. Notably, vegetable consumption exhibited the highest figures throughout the period under consideration.

Vegetable consumption commenced at 140 kg per capita annually in 1950, experiencing fluctuations until 1990 before reaching a peak of 160 kg after two decades. Similarly, fruit consumption depicted significant growth, escalating from 80 kg per capita annually at the onset to 140 kg in 2010. Conversely, meat consumption, starting at around 110 kg in 1950, witnessed a gradual decline to nearly 100 kg by 1980. Despite a subsequent increase to approximately 120 kg by 1990, it sustained a downward trend until the conclusion of the period.

Bread consumption stood at 40 kg per capita annually in 1950, surging to 70 kg after 20 years, then declining to around 50 kg in 2000, before experiencing a slight resurgence to 60 kg by the end of the period. Regarding seafood consumption, it remained relatively stable at 20 kg per capita annually throughout the entire duration, with minor fluctuations noted in 1960 and 2010.