The graph below shows information about the total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030.

The graph illustrates information about the summary of oil from 2009 to 2030. It provides information about the amount of barrels containing oil per day from several countries (the United States, China, Western Europe and Japan,the Middle East) consumers during these 4-year periods.

According to the graph, there were different trends in each country. In Western Europe, there was a gradual fall from 4 to 2 million barrels after all. Unlike the previous countries, the Middle East significantly went up from 2 to 3 million in the same term. China also has the same beginning and a higher rate went up to 4 million in 2025 but gradually reduced to 3 million at the last period.

Furthermore, the United States always occupied the highest quantity of oil all the time. From 2009 to 2015, it got a little increase from 9 to 10 million barrels, then rapidly went down to 7,5 million during the periods left.

Overall, there was a strong downward in Western countries and Japan consumers and an upward trend in the Middle East purchaser. Furthermore, in spite of the reduction of the United States users, they are always higher than the other countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph illustrates information about the summary of oil from 2009 to 2030." -> "The graph presents data on oil consumption from 2009 to 2030."
Explanation: "Presents data on" is more precise and academically appropriate than "illustrates information about the summary of," which is awkward and unclear.
"barrels containing oil per day" -> "barrels of oil per day"
Explanation: Simplifying "barrels containing oil" to "barrels of oil" removes redundancy and enhances clarity.
"the United States, China, Western Europe and Japan,the Middle East" -> "the United States, China, Western Europe, Japan, and the Middle East"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "Japan" corrects the punctuation error and improves readability.
"consumers during these 4-year periods" -> "consumers over these four-year periods"
Explanation: "Over these four-year periods" is more formal and precise than "during these 4-year periods," which uses a less formal number.
"there was a gradual fall from 4 to 2 million barrels after all" -> "there was a gradual decline from 4 to 2 million barrels over the period"
Explanation: "Decline" is more specific and academically appropriate than "fall," and "over the period" clarifies the timeframe.
"the Middle East significantly went up from 2 to 3 million in the same term" -> "the Middle East experienced a significant increase from 2 to 3 million barrels over the same period"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more precise and formal than "went up," and "over the same period" is clearer than "in the same term."
"China also has the same beginning and a higher rate went up to 4 million in 2025 but gradually reduced to 3 million at the last period" -> "China initially experienced a higher rate, increasing to 4 million in 2025, but subsequently decreased to 3 million by the end of the period"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sequence of events and uses more formal language.
"the United States always occupied the highest quantity of oil all the time" -> "the United States consistently held the highest oil consumption levels throughout the period"
Explanation: "Consistently held the highest oil consumption levels" is more formal and precise than "always occupied the highest quantity of oil all the time," which is redundant and informal.
"got a little increase" -> "experienced a slight increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a slight increase" is more formal and precise than "got a little increase."
"then rapidly went down to 7,5 million during the periods left" -> "then rapidly decreased to 7.5 million during the remaining periods"
Explanation: "Decreased" is more specific than "went down," and "remaining periods" is more formal than "the periods left."
"there was a strong downward in Western countries and Japan consumers" -> "there was a significant decline in oil consumption among Western countries and Japan"
Explanation: "Significant decline in oil consumption" is more specific and formal than "strong downward in Western countries and Japan consumers."
"an upward trend in the Middle East purchaser" -> "an upward trend in Middle Eastern oil consumption"
Explanation: "Middle Eastern oil consumption" is more specific and formal than "the Middle East purchaser," which is unclear and informal.
"in spite of the reduction of the United States users" -> "despite the reduction in United States oil consumption"
Explanation: "Despite the reduction in United States oil consumption" is more precise and formal than "in spite of the reduction of the United States users," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in oil consumption, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "the United States always occupied the highest quantity of oil all the time," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more clearly and providing specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that "the United States was the highest consumer of oil in 2009, consuming 9 million barrels per day," and then provide a more detailed analysis of the trend in oil consumption in the United States.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe trends in oil consumption, the lack of clear logical connections between ideas leads to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, resulting in a repetitive narrative. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the response.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing ideas and ensuring logical progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding repetition. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, and transitions between ideas should be smooth and logical. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about oil consumption trends, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, such as "amount of barrels containing oil" and "gradual fall." There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "a strong downward in Western countries" and "the highest quantity of oil all the time," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "7,5 million" instead of "7.5 million." Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher score.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms related to trends and data analysis. Using synonyms and avoiding repetition can enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, paying attention to collocations and ensuring correct word forms will help reduce errors and improve clarity. Finally, practicing spelling and numerical representation will further strengthen the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the summary of oil" and "the highest quantity of oil all the time" are unclear or incorrect. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing space before "the Middle East," detract from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Reducing the frequency of errors and improving clarity in expression will also enhance the overall communication of ideas. Practicing sentence variety and reviewing grammar rules can help in achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the total oil consumption from 2009 to 2030 among four major consumers: the United States, China, Western Europe, and Japan, as well as the Middle East. It presents the amount of oil consumed in millions of barrels per day over these years.

According to the graph, there were distinct trends in each region. In Western Europe, there was a gradual decline from 4 million barrels to 2 million barrels over the period. In contrast, the Middle East experienced a significant increase, rising from 2 million barrels to 3 million barrels during the same timeframe. China also started at a similar level, initially increasing to 4 million barrels by 2025, but then gradually decreasing to 3 million barrels by the end of the period.

Furthermore, the United States consistently maintained the highest level of oil consumption throughout the years. From 2009 to 2015, consumption saw a slight increase from 9 million barrels to 10 million barrels, followed by a sharp decline to 7.5 million barrels in the subsequent years.

Overall, there was a notable downward trend in oil consumption among Western countries and Japan, while the Middle East showed an upward trend. Despite the reduction in consumption in the United States, it remained higher than that of the other countries.