The graph below shows information about the total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030
The graph below shows information about the total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030
The line graph shows oil consumption trends for the USA, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe & Japan from 2009 to 2030.
The USA, consistently the largest consumer, starts at about 9 million barrels in 2009, peaks at 10 million in 2015, then gradually declines to just over 6 million by 2030. Western Europe & Japan also see a decline, dropping from around 3 million barrels in 2009 to nearly 2 million by 2030, likely due to environmental policies and a shift toward renewable energy.
In contrast, China’s consumption steadily increases from roughly 2 million barrels in 2009 to 3.5 million in 2030, driven by industrial growth. The Middle East shows a similar rise, reaching nearly 3 million barrels by 2030, reflecting regional economic development.
Overview, while the USA and Western Europe & Japan reduce their oil consumption, China and the Middle East experience growth, highlighting regional differences in energy needs and environmental strategies
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the largest consumer" -> "the largest consumer of oil"
Explanation: Specifying "of oil" clarifies what is being consumed, enhancing precision and avoiding vagueness. -
"peaks at 10 million" -> "reaches a peak of 10 million"
Explanation: The phrase "reaches a peak of" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the writing. -
"then gradually declines" -> "subsequently experiences a gradual decline"
Explanation: The phrase "subsequently experiences a gradual decline" enhances formality and clarity, making the progression of events more explicit. -
"likely due to environmental policies" -> "likely attributable to environmental policies"
Explanation: "Attributable to" is a more formal and precise phrase that fits better in an academic context compared to "due to." -
"a shift toward renewable energy" -> "a transition toward renewable energy sources"
Explanation: "Transition" conveys a more formal and comprehensive process than "shift," and "renewable energy sources" is more precise than "renewable energy." -
"steadily increases" -> "exhibits a steady increase"
Explanation: "Exhibits a steady increase" is a more formal construction that aligns with academic writing standards. -
"shows a similar rise" -> "demonstrates a comparable increase"
Explanation: "Demonstrates" and "comparable increase" are more formal and precise alternatives that enhance the academic tone. -
"reflecting regional economic development" -> "indicative of regional economic development"
Explanation: "Indicative of" is a more formal phrase that accurately conveys the relationship between oil consumption and economic development. -
"Overview" -> "In summary"
Explanation: "In summary" is a more formal and appropriate transition phrase for academic writing, providing a clearer indication of the concluding remarks. -
"highlighting regional differences in energy needs and environmental strategies" -> "emphasizing the regional disparities in energy requirements and environmental strategies"
Explanation: "Emphasizing" and "disparities" are more formal and precise terms that enhance the academic tone, while "energy requirements" is more specific than "energy needs."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in oil consumption. It highlights the key features of the graph, such as the decline in oil consumption in the USA and Western Europe & Japan, and the increase in China and the Middle East. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the reasons for these trends.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the reasons for the trends in oil consumption. For example, the essay could mention that the decline in oil consumption in the USA and Western Europe & Japan is likely due to a combination of factors, such as environmental policies, a shift toward renewable energy, and economic growth. The essay could also mention that the increase in oil consumption in China and the Middle East is likely due to rapid economic growth and industrialization.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the data, with the first paragraph introducing the graph and the subsequent paragraphs discussing the trends for each region. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, which helps maintain coherence. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances where their use could be more varied, leading to minor under-use or over-use. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 due to its logical organization and clear progression.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could enhance the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is distinctly focused and that transitions between ideas are smoother could improve the overall flow. More explicit referencing to the data points could also strengthen coherence and clarity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying information about the graph. The use of terms such as "consistently," "peaks," "gradually declines," and "driven by industrial growth" shows an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as "Overview" at the beginning of the last sentence, which appears to be a fragment and disrupts the flow. Additionally, while less common lexical items are used, the overall vocabulary could be more varied to reach a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly synonyms and more sophisticated phrases to describe trends and comparisons. Additionally, ensuring that all phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate would help in achieving greater precision and fluency. Avoiding fragments and ensuring cohesive transitions between ideas would also improve clarity and coherence.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a variety of structures to convey information about the oil consumption trends. However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that occur, such as the lack of a complete introductory sentence in the overview and a missing conjunction in the last sentence. These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable enough to prevent a higher score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that all sentences are complete and well-structured. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence forms and ensuring that the majority of sentences are error-free would enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line graph illustrates the trends in oil consumption for the USA, China, the Middle East, and Western Europe & Japan from 2009 to 2030.
The USA, consistently the largest consumer, begins at approximately 9 million barrels in 2009, peaks at 10 million in 2015, and then gradually declines to just over 6 million by 2030. Western Europe & Japan also experience a decline, decreasing from around 3 million barrels in 2009 to nearly 2 million by 2030, likely due to environmental policies and a shift towards renewable energy sources.
In contrast, China’s consumption steadily increases from roughly 2 million barrels in 2009 to 3.5 million by 2030, driven by industrial growth. The Middle East exhibits a similar upward trend, reaching nearly 3 million barrels by 2030, reflecting regional economic development.
Overall, while the USA and Western Europe & Japan reduce their oil consumption, China and the Middle East experience growth, highlighting regional differences in energy needs and environmental strategies.
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