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The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph illustrates the variations in prices over twelve months of three metals: copper, nickel and zinc during 2014.
Overall, Nickel started with the highest change percentage but in the last month its one decline to the lowest. In contrast, zinc has the opposite change compared to that metal and copper fluctuated.
Prices change proportion of nickel peaked at 6% in the first month, at which points this figure started to to fall dramatically from February to June and kept at -3%. Over the following three months, nickel’s cost remained stably, which decrease by 1%. After a slight lessening, percent change of this metal rose up sharply and ended at 1%.
Initally, Copper’s cost change rate persistently dropped in 4- month- period from 2% to approximately -1%. This statistic of zinc raised gently to 3% in February, however, it also experienced a constant plummet until June with -1%. Similar to nikel, both of these mental’ prices stayed unchange in three months, from July to September. Then, prices of copper and zinc underwent a span of ups and downs and this was followed by stability at more than 1% and 2% respectively.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The line graph illustrates the variations in prices over twelve months of three metals: copper, nickel and zinc during 2014." -> "The line graph depicts the price variations over a 12-month period for three metals: copper, nickel, and zinc in 2014."
    Explanation: Replacing "illustrates the variations in prices" with "depicts the price variations" enhances the formality and specificity of the description. Additionally, "a 12-month period" is more concise and formal than "twelve months."

  2. "Nickel started with the highest change percentage but in the last month its one decline to the lowest." -> "Nickel initially exhibited the highest percentage change, but subsequently declined to its lowest point in the last month."
    Explanation: "Started with the highest change percentage but in the last month its one decline to the lowest" is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the sequence of events and uses more formal language.

  3. "has the opposite change compared to that metal and copper fluctuated." -> "experienced an opposite trend compared to the other two metals, while copper exhibited fluctuations."
    Explanation: "Has the opposite change compared to that metal" is vague and informal. The suggested revision clarifies that the change is compared to the other two metals, and "exhibited fluctuations" is more precise than "fluctuated."

  4. "Prices change proportion of nickel peaked at 6% in the first month, at which points this figure started to to fall dramatically from February to June and kept at -3%." -> "The price change for nickel peaked at 6% in the first month, after which it declined dramatically from February to June, reaching -3%."
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the sequence of events.

  5. "Over the following three months, nickel’s cost remained stably, which decrease by 1%." -> "Over the subsequent three months, nickel’s cost remained stable, decreasing by 1%."
    Explanation: "Remained stably" is incorrect and unclear. "Remained stable" is the correct form, and "decrease by 1%" should be "decreasing by 1%."

  6. "Initally, Copper’s cost change rate persistently dropped in 4- month- period from 2% to approximately -1%." -> "Initially, Copper’s cost change rate consistently decreased from 2% to approximately -1% over a 4-month period."
    Explanation: "Initally" is a typographical error and "persistently dropped" is informal. The suggested revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language.

  7. "This statistic of zinc raised gently to 3% in February, however, it also experienced a constant plummet until June with -1%." -> "Zinc’s statistics rose gradually to 3% in February, but then plummeted to -1% by June."
    Explanation: "This statistic of zinc" is awkward and unclear. "Zinc’s statistics" is more direct and formal. Also, "rose gently" and "constant plummet" are replaced with "rose gradually" and "plummeted" for clarity and formality.

  8. "Similar to nikel, both of these mental’ prices stayed unchange in three months, from July to September." -> "Similarly, the prices of both metals remained unchanged from July to September."
    Explanation: "Similar to nikel" is incorrect and informal. "Similarly" is the correct conjunction, and "both of these mental’ prices stayed unchange" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language.

  9. "Then, prices of copper and zinc underwent a span of ups and downs and this was followed by stability at more than 1% and 2% respectively." -> "Subsequently, copper and zinc prices experienced fluctuations, followed by stability at over 1% and 2% respectively."
    Explanation: "Underwent a span of ups and downs" is overly colloquial and vague. "Experienced fluctuations" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the graph, rather than focusing on details. The essay should be more concise and to the point. The essay should also use more accurate language to describe the trends in the graph. For example, instead of saying "Nickel’s cost remained stably", the essay should say "Nickel’s cost remained stable".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates significant issues in coherence and cohesion, failing to organize ideas logically or coherently. The progression of information is unclear, with abrupt shifts and repetitive use of simplistic sentence structures. There is minimal use of cohesive devices, and those used do not establish clear logical relationships between ideas. Paragraphing is inadequate, lacking clear divisions or logical structure within paragraphs.

How to improve:

  1. Logical Organization: Ensure a clear and logical progression of information. This involves organizing information chronologically or thematically to help the reader follow the points easily.

  2. Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, linking words) appropriately to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.

  3. Paragraph Structure: Improve paragraphing to clearly separate different ideas or aspects of the topic. Each paragraph should focus on a single central topic or theme.

  4. Sentence Variety and Clarity: Use a variety of sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve clarity. Ensure each sentence contributes meaningfully to the overall coherence of the essay.

  5. Accuracy and Precision: Focus on accuracy in conveying information. Avoid inaccuracies or unclear statements that could confuse the reader.

By addressing these areas, the essay can significantly improve its coherence and cohesion, thereby aiming for a higher band score in future evaluations.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary suitable for the task, although it is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout, which occasionally hinder clarity. For example, "persistently dropped in 4- month- period" and "mental’ prices stayed unchange" are instances where word formation and choice are inaccurate. Additionally, there are spelling errors ("nikel" instead of "nickel").

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

  1. Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and fluently. For instance, instead of repetitive phrases like "started with" and "ended at," vary with synonyms or related expressions.
  2. Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay attention to accurate word choice and avoid errors in spelling and word formation. Proofreading for these errors before submission is crucial.
  3. Complex Structures: Aim for more complex sentence structures and varied sentence beginnings to enhance lexical sophistication.

By focusing on these improvements, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures and contains frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies. There are issues with sentence structure, verb forms, and clarity of expression throughout the essay. Errors in punctuation and incorrect word usage further impact readability and coherence.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences with appropriate subordinate clauses. Work on correcting basic grammatical errors, particularly verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Practice using punctuation correctly to enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph depicts the monthly price fluctuations of three metals—copper, nickel, and zinc—throughout the year 2014.

Nickel exhibited the highest initial percentage change, starting at 6% in January, which then sharply declined to -3% by June. From July to September, nickel prices stabilized, with a slight decrease of 1%. Subsequently, there was a notable increase, reaching 1% by the end of the year.

Initially, copper experienced a steady decline over a four-month period from 2% to approximately -1%. Zinc, on the other hand, saw a gentle rise to 3% in February but underwent a consistent decline to -1% until June. Both copper and zinc prices remained unchanged from July to September, followed by a period of fluctuations, stabilizing at over 1% and 2% respectively.

In contrast, zinc showed an opposite trend compared to nickel, with fluctuations throughout the year.

Overall, while nickel started with the highest percentage change, experiencing significant fluctuations, zinc and copper demonstrated more varied patterns, with periods of stability interspersed with declines.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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