The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevenat Write at least 150 words

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevenat
Write at least 150 words

The diagram depicts the average monthly changes in the prices of three metals: copper, nickel, and zinc, in 2014. Overall, these metals fluctuated significantly in this year, particularly the price of copper, which exhibited the greatest variability during this period when the rate of the copper both reached the peak and the lowest point during this period. The prices of the other metals, namely nickel and zinc, also varied, albeit at a lower rate of change.
Firstly, in January, it is evident that nickel reached a peak of 6% in the diagram while the changes in other metals were modest with 2% for copper and 1% for zinc. Secondly, in February and March, there was a dramatic decrease in the price of nickel from 6% to 1%. Furthermore, the price of copper experienced a gradual decline of about 1.5%; however, the price of zinc steadily increased in February but decreased in the following month. Secondly, in the period of next three months from April to June, initially, the rate of zinc remained unstable, but it reached the lowest point in 2014 with -3 percent in the following two months. Additionally, this occurred similarly to that of the copper and zinc, with a significant decline. Following that in next three months, the costs of three metals, including copper, nickel and zinc, collectively remained stable in 1%, -0.5 percent and –0,1 percent, respectively. Finally, in the last three months of 2014, all of the metals exhibited consisted growth when copper and zinc increased by approximately 1% while nickel remained unstable in November and December.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overall, these metals fluctuated significantly" -> "Overall, the prices of these metals fluctuated significantly"
Explanation: Adding "prices" clarifies the subject of the fluctuation, which is essential for precision in academic writing.
"the rate of the copper" -> "the price of copper"
Explanation: "The rate of copper" is unclear and incorrect. "The price of copper" correctly refers to the fluctuation in value.
"the lowest point during this period" -> "the lowest point in this period"
Explanation: The preposition "during" is not typically used with "period" in this context; "in" is more appropriate and grammatically correct.
"Firstly" -> "First"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a less formal and slightly archaic term; "First" is more suitable for academic writing.
"it is evident that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" can sound overly formal and slightly awkward; "it is clear that" is more direct and natural in academic discourse.
"a peak of 6%" -> "a peak of 6 percent"
Explanation: Adding "percent" after the number clarifies the unit of measurement, enhancing clarity and precision.
"modest with 2% for copper and 1% for zinc" -> "modest, with changes of 2% for copper and 1% for zinc"
Explanation: Adding "changes of" clarifies that the modest changes refer to the fluctuations in price.
"dramatic decrease" -> "significant decrease"
Explanation: "Dramatic" can imply emotional connotation, which is less suitable in academic writing; "significant" is more neutral and appropriate.
"gradual decline of about 1.5%" -> "gradual decline of approximately 1.5%"
Explanation: "About" is less precise than "approximately," which is more commonly used in academic writing for quantifying measurements.
"the price of zinc steadily increased in February but decreased in the following month" -> "the price of zinc increased in February, then decreased in the following month"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure improves readability and clarity, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"the rate of zinc remained unstable" -> "the price of zinc remained unstable"
Explanation: Consistency in referring to "price" instead of "rate" maintains clarity and avoids confusion.
"reached the lowest point in 2014 with -3 percent" -> "reached its lowest point in 2014, with a decrease of 3%"
Explanation: "Reached its lowest point" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "with -3 percent."
"consisted growth" -> "consistent growth"
Explanation: "Consisted" is incorrect; "consistent" is the correct term to describe continuous growth or stability.
"increased by approximately 1%" -> "increased by about 1%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more commonly used in academic writing than "about" for quantifying measurements.
"remained unstable in November and December" -> "remained unstable throughout November and December"
Explanation: "Throughout" provides a clearer temporal scope, indicating the entire period of November and December, which is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the main features of the graph. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the specific percentage changes for each month.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. For example, the essay could state that the price of copper fluctuated significantly throughout the year, while the prices of nickel and zinc were more stable. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the metals, such as stating that the price of copper reached its highest point in January, while the price of nickel reached its highest point in February. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details, such as the specific percentage changes for each month. Instead, the essay should focus on the overall trends and patterns in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression of ideas. The writer attempts to organize the information logically, discussing the price changes of each metal in a chronological order. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some mechanical use of cohesive devices, which detracts from the overall fluency. For example, phrases like "Secondly" are repeated, which can disrupt the flow of the essay. The referencing is not always clear, particularly in the latter parts of the essay where it becomes difficult to follow which metal is being discussed. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be grouped more effectively.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on varying the cohesive devices used to connect ideas and avoid repetitive transitions. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., consistently using "copper," "nickel," and "zinc" rather than vague terms) would help the reader follow the argument more easily. Organizing the information into clearer paragraphs that group related ideas together would also strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "exhibited," "variability," and "unstable," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "the rate of the copper" and "the costs of three metals" are not used correctly, which affects the overall coherence. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and punctuation, such as "consisted growth" instead of "consistent growth" and the incorrect use of "–0,1 percent." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do indicate a lack of control over lexical features.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using vocabulary more accurately and appropriately. They should also aim to vary sentence structures and avoid repetition. Paying attention to spelling and punctuation will improve clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations will help achieve a higher band score. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing and summarizing information can improve the overall fluency and flexibility of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While the writer attempts to convey the changes in metal prices effectively, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the rate of the copper both reached the peak and the lowest point" and "the costs of three metals, including copper, nickel and zinc, collectively remained stable in 1%, -0.5 percent and –0,1 percent" contain grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues. Despite these errors, the overall communication is still understandable, which aligns with the Band 6 descriptor.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and reducing errors in sentence structure. This can be done by practicing complex sentence forms and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, enhancing the variety of vocabulary and refining the clarity of comparisons will contribute to a more polished essay. Regular practice with feedback can also help identify and rectify common mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram depicts the average monthly changes in the prices of three metals: copper, nickel, and zinc, in 2014. Overall, these metals fluctuated significantly during this year, particularly the price of copper, which exhibited the greatest variability, reaching both the highest and lowest points during this period. The prices of the other metals, namely nickel and zinc, also varied, albeit at a lower rate of change.

Firstly, in January, it is evident that nickel reached a peak of 6%, while the changes in the prices of the other metals were modest, with 2% for copper and 1% for zinc. Secondly, in February and March, there was a dramatic decrease in the price of nickel from 6% to 1%. Furthermore, the price of copper experienced a gradual decline of about 1.5%; however, the price of zinc steadily increased in February but decreased in the following month.

In the subsequent three months from April to June, the rate of zinc remained unstable, reaching its lowest point in 2014 at -3% in the following two months. Additionally, this decline occurred similarly for copper, which also experienced a significant drop. Following that, in the next three months, the prices of the three metals, including copper, nickel, and zinc, collectively remained stable at 1%, -0.5%, and -0.1%, respectively. Finally, in the last three months of 2014, all of the metals exhibited consistent growth, with copper and zinc increasing by approximately 1%, while nickel remained unstable in November and December.