The graph below shows the average number of people attending top-level football matches in three European countries from 1980 to 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates how many player from three difference countries including Italy, England and Germany who participate in top-level matches over a 24-year period, from 1980 to 2004.

It is a clear that there were significant change in number of player in top tier matches from 3 difference countries. While the number of players from Italy decreased from 1980 to 2004, others in England and Germany increased.

In 1980, the people attending top-level football matches in Italy is highest with 35 thousands people. Meanwhile, the number of people join top tier matches in England is over 25 thousands player which is the same with Germany.

By two decades and a 4-year, although the small falling down in 1980-1986, England rose steadily after that and reach 35 thousands player joining to top-level soccer matches. At the same status, Germany lost 5 thousands players participate in high level matches from 1980 to 1986, had a increasing trend after that. At 2004, Germany had around 32 thousands players in high level matches. In contrast, Italy had a slightly grew in 1980-1986 period but significant decreased after that and reached around 25 thousands players attending to high level soccer matches.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph illustrates how many player from three difference countries" -> "The graph illustrates the number of players from three different countries"
Explanation: Correcting "player" to "players" and "difference" to "different" fixes grammatical errors and enhances the formal tone.
"who participate in top-level matches" -> "who participate in top-tier matches"
Explanation: Replacing "top-level" with "top-tier" is more specific and commonly used in academic and formal contexts to describe the highest level of competition.
"over a 24-year period, from 1980 to 2004" -> "over a 24-year period spanning from 1980 to 2004"
Explanation: Adding "spanning" clarifies the scope of the time period, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"It is a clear that there were significant change in number of player in top tier matches from 3 difference countries" -> "It is evident that there was a significant change in the number of players in top-tier matches from three different countries"
Explanation: Correcting "It is a clear" to "It is evident" and "significant change" to "significant change" improves the formality and grammatical correctness. Also, "number of player" should be "number of players," and "3 difference countries" should be "three different countries" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"the people attending top-level football matches in Italy is highest" -> "the number of attendees at top-level football matches in Italy was highest"
Explanation: Changing "the people attending" to "the number of attendees" and "is" to "was" corrects the verb tense to match the past context and clarifies the noun.
"the number of people join top tier matches" -> "the number of people joining top-tier matches"
Explanation: Changing "join" to "joining" corrects the verb form to match the gerund construction.
"over 25 thousands player" -> "over 25,000 players"
Explanation: Correcting the comma and number format to "25,000" follows standard numerical formatting in academic writing.
"By two decades and a 4-year" -> "Over two decades and four years"
Explanation: Replacing "a 4-year" with "four years" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.
"the small falling down in 1980-1986" -> "a slight decline from 1980 to 1986"
Explanation: Replacing "the small falling down" with "a slight decline" corrects the awkward and informal phrasing to a more formal and precise expression.
"reach 35 thousands player joining to top-level soccer matches" -> "reach 35,000 players participating in top-level soccer matches"
Explanation: Correcting "35 thousands" to "35,000" and "joining to" to "participating in" improves the formality and grammatical accuracy.
"At the same status" -> "Similarly"
Explanation: Replacing "At the same status" with "Similarly" simplifies and clarifies the comparison, aligning better with academic style.
"had a slightly grew in 1980-1986 period" -> "experienced a slight growth from 1980 to 1986"
Explanation: Changing "had a slightly grew" to "experienced a slight growth" corrects the verb tense and grammatical structure, enhancing clarity and formality.
"significant decreased" -> "significant decrease"
Explanation: Changing "significant decreased" to "significant decrease" corrects the verb form to match the noun "decrease," aligning with grammatical rules.
"reached around 25 thousands players attending to high level soccer matches" -> "reached approximately 25,000 players participating in high-level soccer matches"
Explanation: Correcting "reached around 25 thousands" to "reached approximately 25,000" and "attending to" to "participating in" refines the language to be more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the data to support the description is not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the number of people attending top-level football matches in England rose steadily after 1986, but the graph shows that the number fluctuated.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the data. For example, the essay should state that the number of people attending top-level football matches in England fluctuated after 1986, rather than rose steadily. The essay should also avoid using informal language, such as "player" instead of "people".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the structure is somewhat unclear, with awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly separated or developed within their respective paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by clearly organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single aspect of the data. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will help clarify relationships between ideas. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graph, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and contains noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation (e.g., "difference" instead of "different," "player" instead of "players," "join" instead of "joining"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The essay does not effectively utilize less common vocabulary or demonstrate flexibility in expression, which is necessary for a higher band score.
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of terms related to the topic of football and attendance statistics. Additionally, practicing correct word forms and ensuring proper collocations will enhance clarity. The writer should also aim to reduce repetition by varying their word choices and using synonyms where appropriate. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and refining spelling will further contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "who participate in top-level matches" and "the people attending top-level football matches in Italy is highest" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, the use of "difference" instead of "different" and "falling down" instead of "decline" detracts from the overall clarity of the writing. While the main features of the graph are summarized, the errors in grammar and punctuation impede effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Practice Complex Sentences: Work on constructing complex sentences correctly, ensuring that clauses are properly linked and that subject-verb agreement is maintained.
Grammar Review: Regularly review grammar rules, particularly those related to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles.
Punctuation Practice: Improve punctuation skills by studying the rules for commas, periods, and other punctuation marks to enhance clarity and readability.
Proofreading: Develop a habit of proofreading essays to catch and correct errors before submission. This can help identify recurring mistakes and improve overall accuracy.
Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately, which can also help in constructing more varied sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the average number of people attending top-level football matches in three different countries, including Italy, England, and Germany, over a 24-year period from 1980 to 2004.

It is clear that there were significant changes in the number of attendees at top-tier matches from the three countries. While the number of attendees from Italy decreased from 1980 to 2004, those in England and Germany increased.

In 1980, the number of people attending top-level football matches in Italy was the highest, with 35 thousand attendees. Meanwhile, the number of attendees at top-tier matches in England was over 25 thousand, which was the same as in Germany.

Over the next two decades and four years, despite a small decline from 1980 to 1986, attendance in England rose steadily thereafter, reaching 35 thousand attendees at top-level soccer matches. Similarly, Germany experienced a loss of 5 thousand attendees participating in high-level matches from 1980 to 1986, but showed an increasing trend after that. By 2004, Germany had around 32 thousand attendees at high-level matches. In contrast, Italy experienced a slight increase in attendance during the 1980-1986 period but saw a significant decrease thereafter, reaching around 25 thousand attendees at high-level soccer matches.