The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030

The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or
train between 1970 and 2030

The graph illustrates the average number of UK commuters travel each day by 3 different forms of transport over a period of 60 years.Overall, there was an upward trend in the commuters travel by bus is transport, while car and bus manifested an upward trend over the timeline. Another outstanding feature is that the number of UK commuters travel by car is exceeded than bus and train.To specify, the number of commuters travel by bus started at around 4 millions in 1970, after which it saw a slightly decline around 3,6 million until 2015, before declining to under 3 million in 2030. By contrast, around 5,6 million commuters travel by car in 1970, with the significant rose to 7 million in 2000 and reach a peak to 9 million in 2030.Similarly but lesser extends were seen in the figure for train's transport, started at around 2,5 millions in 1970, after which it saw a rose at 3 million in 2000 before reach a peak at around 5 millions in 2030.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"commuters travel" -> "commuter travel"
Explanation: "Commuters travel" is awkward and redundant; "commuter travel" succinctly conveys the same meaning.
"bus is transport" -> "bus transport"
Explanation: "bus is transport" is grammatically incorrect; "bus transport" is the appropriate noun phrase.
"manifested an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "manifested" is less precise than "exhibited" in describing a trend; "exhibited" implies a clearer demonstration of the trend.
"Another outstanding feature is that the number of UK commuters travel by car is exceeded than bus and train." -> "Another notable feature is that the number of UK commuters traveling by car exceeds those traveling by bus and train."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly structured; the revised version maintains clarity and corrects the syntax.
"to specify" -> "specifically"
Explanation: "to specify" is less formal and less appropriate in this context; "specifically" is a better adverb choice to introduce detailed information.
"slightly decline" -> "slight decline"
Explanation: "slightly decline" is grammatically incorrect; "slight decline" is the correct adjective-noun pairing.
"around 3,6 million" -> "around 3.6 million"
Explanation: The original uses a comma instead of a decimal point; using a period is the standard format for expressing numerical values.
"significant rose" -> "significant rise"
Explanation: "significant rose" is incorrect; "significant rise" is the correct noun form to describe an increase.
"but lesser extends were seen in the figure" -> "although lesser extents were observed"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and lacks clarity; the revised version is more concise and clearer in conveying the idea.
"rose at 3 million" -> "rose to 3 million"
Explanation: "rose at 3 million" is grammatically incorrect; "rose to 3 million" accurately describes the increase in numerical value.
"reach a peak at around 5 millions" -> "reached a peak of around 5 million"
Explanation: "reach a peak at around 5 millions" lacks grammatical accuracy; "reached a peak of around 5 million" properly describes the culmination of the trend.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the trends in the average number of UK commuters traveling by car, bus, and train between 1970 and 2030. Key features such as the initial figures, trends over time, and peak points are mentioned. However, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the presentation of data, such as stating that car and bus both manifested an upward trend, which contradicts the later mention of a decline in bus travel after 2015. Additionally, some details are irrelevant or unclear, such as the mention of car travel exceeding bus and train without further elaboration.
How to improve: To improve, ensure consistency and accuracy in the presentation of data. Provide more clarity in the comparison between different modes of transport and avoid irrelevant details. Expand on key points to provide a more fully developed response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt to organise information, but it lacks coherence and clear progression. There is no clear overall structure or logical flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate or repetitive. Paragraphing is inadequate and confusing, with sentences often disjointed.

How to improve:

Structure and Organization: Ensure the essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices (such as linking words, pronouns, and conjunctions) correctly to show logical relationships between ideas.
Paragraphing: Start a new paragraph for each main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that relate to the main idea of the paragraph.

Detailed Analysis:

Introduction: The introduction attempts to introduce the topic but is unclear due to grammar and phrasing issues.
Body Paragraphs: There is some attempt to present information about the trends in commuter travel by car, bus, and train, but the information is not presented coherently. The essay lacks clear progression from one idea to the next.
Cohesion: There are some cohesive devices used (e.g., "while", "another", "to specify"), but they are used incorrectly or inappropriately.
Paragraphing: There is an attempt to use paragraphs, but they are not used logically. The lack of clear topic sentences and coherent supporting details makes the essay difficult to follow.

Overall, this essay shows potential but needs significant improvement in structure, coherence, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "average number," "commuters," "transport," "upward trend," and "peak." However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay, which impede clarity and precision. For example, "commuters travel" should be "commuters traveling," "manifested an upward trend" lacks clarity, and "is exceeded than bus" is grammatically incorrect. Additionally, there are several instances of inaccurate word choice, such as "is transport" instead of "in transportation," "rose" instead of "rise," and "lesser extends" instead of "lesser extents."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. Pay close attention to word choice, ensuring precise and clear expression. Proofread the essay for errors in word formation, spelling, and grammar to improve overall coherence and readability. Additionally, strive for consistency in verb tenses and sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating various structures such as compound and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, such as missing articles ("the") before nouns and incorrect verb conjugations ("commuters travel" instead of "commuters traveling"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas in compound sentences and incorrect apostrophe usage ("commuters travel by bus is transport"). The essay also struggles with subject-verb agreement and preposition usage ("rose to 7 million in 2000 and reach a peak to 9 million"). While some complex sentence attempts are made, they tend to be less accurate than simpler sentences.

How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and proper punctuation. Practice constructing complex sentences accurately, ensuring they enhance rather than detract from the essay’s clarity and coherence. Review prepositions and their usage in context.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the average daily commuting figures for UK residents via three primary modes of transportation from 1970 to 2030.

Overall, there is a noticeable upward trajectory in bus commuting figures, while both car and train commuting experiences fluctuations over the given period. One striking observation is the consistently higher number of commuters opting for car travel compared to bus and train.

To elaborate, bus commuters numbered approximately 4 million in 1970, experiencing a slight decline to around 3.6 million by 2015, and further dropping to below 3 million by 2030. In contrast, car commuters stood at around 5.6 million in 1970, surging to 7 million by 2000, and peaking at 9 million in 2030. Similarly, albeit to a lesser extent, train commuters began at roughly 2.5 million in 1970, rising to 3 million by 2000, and reaching a peak of around 5 million by 2030.

Overall, the data depicts a significant reliance on car travel throughout the period, with notable fluctuations in bus and train commuting numbers.