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the graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese students studying France, Russian and America between 2000 and 2015

the graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese students studying France, Russian and America between 2000 and 2015

The graph compares figuers for the average number of Vietnamese learners studying in three different nations from 2000 to 2015.
It is obvious that while the average number of Vietnamese pupils in France and America increased gradually, the oppositte was true for their counterparts. It is also notable that the figure for the average number of Vietnamese pupils in Russia declined slightly over a period of 15 years from 2000.
In 2000, there was an average of over 3.5 million Vietnamese students studying in France and 3 million in Russia, compared to just about 1.5 million Vietnamese students learning in America. Over the next five years, the average numbers of pupils leaning in France and Russia fell considerably approximately 1 million. In contrast, there was a significant rise of 2 million Vietnamese students learning in America.
From 2005 to 2015, the figure for students chosen America to learn increase substantially to 3 million while the the number of students learning in France remained stable, whichwas followed by the downward trend. At the same time,the number of Vietnamese students learning in Russia declined to 2 million and hit the lowest its point in 2010, but there was a light increase in the last period.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "figuers" -> "figures"
    Explanation: "Figuers" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "figures," which is necessary for clarity and professionalism.

  2. "It is obvious that" -> "It is evident that"
    Explanation: "Obvious" is a more informal term; "evident" is more appropriate in an academic context, conveying a sense of clarity without emotional connotation.

  3. "the oppositte was true for their counterparts" -> "the opposite was true for their counterparts in other nations"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "oppositte" to "opposite" and adding "in other nations" clarifies the comparison being made, enhancing precision.

  4. "notable that the figure for the average number of Vietnamese pupils in Russia declined slightly over a period of 15 years from 2000" -> "noteworthy that the average number of Vietnamese pupils in Russia declined slightly over the 15-year period from 2000"
    Explanation: "Noteworthy" is a more formal alternative to "notable," and specifying "the 15-year period" improves clarity.

  5. "there was an average of over 3.5 million Vietnamese students studying in France and 3 million in Russia" -> "there were approximately 3.5 million Vietnamese students studying in France and 3 million in Russia"
    Explanation: Changing "there was" to "there were" ensures grammatical agreement with the plural subject "students." "Approximately" is more precise than "over" in academic writing.

  6. "the average numbers of pupils leaning in France and Russia fell considerably approximately 1 million" -> "the average numbers of pupils studying in France and Russia fell considerably to approximately 1 million"
    Explanation: Correcting "leaning" to "studying" clarifies the context. Adding "to" before "approximately 1 million" specifies the result of the decline.

  7. "there was a significant rise of 2 million Vietnamese students learning in America" -> "there was a significant increase of 2 million Vietnamese students studying in America"
    Explanation: "Increase" is a more formal term than "rise," and "studying" is a more precise verb than "learning" in this context.

  8. "the figure for students chosen America to learn increase substantially to 3 million" -> "the figure for students choosing America to study increased substantially to 3 million"
    Explanation: "Chosen" should be "choosing" to indicate an ongoing action. "Study" is a more formal term than "learn," and "increased" corrects the verb form for grammatical accuracy.

  9. "the number of students learning in France remained stable, whichwas followed by the downward trend" -> "the number of students studying in France remained stable, followed by a downward trend"
    Explanation: Correcting "whichwas" to "which was" and removing "which was" for conciseness improves clarity and flow.

  10. "the number of Vietnamese students learning in Russia declined to 2 million and hit the lowest its point in 2010" -> "the number of Vietnamese students studying in Russia declined to 2 million, reaching its lowest point in 2010"
    Explanation: "Hit the lowest its point" is awkward; "reaching its lowest point" is a clearer and more formal expression.

  11. "but there was a light increase in the last period" -> "but there was a slight increase in the final period"
    Explanation: "Light" is an informal term; "slight" is more appropriate in academic writing. "Final period" is clearer than "last period."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that the number of Vietnamese students studying in France remained stable from 2005 to 2015, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. Additionally, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the overall trend in the number of Vietnamese students studying abroad.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that the number of Vietnamese students studying in France remained stable at around 2.5 million from 2005 to 2015. The essay could also provide a more detailed overview of the overall trend in the number of Vietnamese students studying abroad. For example, the essay could state that the number of Vietnamese students studying abroad increased overall from 2000 to 2015, but that the trend was not consistent across all three countries.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the trends in Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia, and America, the flow of information is somewhat disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "the oppositte was true for their counterparts" lack clarity regarding which counterparts are being referenced. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive phrasing and a lack of clear referencing, which detracts from the overall coherence. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly separated or developed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring paragraphs around central topics and ensuring that each idea flows logically to the next. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding repetition will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that all terms are accurately referenced and avoiding vague phrases will improve clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that all information is presented clearly will strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "average number," "gradually," "notable," and "declined." However, there are several inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the oppositte was true for their counterparts" and "students chosen America to learn," which detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay. Additionally, there are some spelling errors (e.g., "figuers," "leaning," "whichwas") and issues with word formation that, while not severely impeding communication, do indicate a lack of control over lexical features.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately, ensuring that less common lexical items are employed correctly. They should also proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures can help convey precise meanings more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases such as "the oppositte was true for their counterparts" and "the figure for the average number of Vietnamese pupils in Russia declined slightly over a period of 15 years from 2000" contain errors that may confuse the reader. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and word choice, such as "whichwas" instead of "which was," and "hit the lowest its point" instead of "hit its lowest point." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures, ensuring that both simple and complex sentences are used accurately. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical and punctuation errors would enhance clarity. Practicing the formation of complex sentences and using varied vocabulary can also help improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph compares figures for the average number of Vietnamese learners studying in three different countries from 2000 to 2015. It is evident that while the average number of Vietnamese pupils in France and America increased gradually, the opposite was true for their counterparts in Russia. It is also notable that the figure for the average number of Vietnamese pupils in Russia declined slightly over the 15-year period from 2000.

In 2000, there were over 3.5 million Vietnamese students studying in France and 3 million in Russia, compared to just about 1.5 million Vietnamese students learning in America. Over the next five years, the average numbers of pupils in France and Russia fell considerably, by approximately 1 million. In contrast, there was a significant rise of 2 million Vietnamese students learning in America.

From 2005 to 2015, the number of students choosing America for their studies increased substantially to 3 million, while the number of students learning in France remained stable, followed by a downward trend. At the same time, the number of Vietnamese students studying in Russia declined to 2 million, hitting its lowest point in 2010, but there was a slight increase in the last period.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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