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The graph below shows the changes in the employment rates for residents in four different cities in Vietnam from 2010 to 2022. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the changes in the employment rates for residents in four different cities in Vietnam from 2010 to 2022.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make
comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the changes in employment rates for the population in four cities in Vietnam, namely Hanoi, Hue, Da Nang and Phu Quoc between 2010 and 2022.

Overall, it is clear from the data that the trend was downward in Hanoi and Phu Quoc whereas the employment rates for residents increased in Da Nang and Hue. In Hue, however, the figure decreased during the first decade, and subsequently rose.

Looking first at the employment rate in Hanoi and Phu Quoc, from 2010 to 2014, there was a slight decline from 95% to over 80%, and half to 40%, respectively. A moderate drop was seen in the number of employment rates in 2022 with 80%. However, in Phu Quoc, this figure had went up over 40% in 2018, dropping to approximately 30% in 2022.

Regarding the figure in Hue and Da Nang, in Da Nang, there was a rapid growth to 70% in 2014. In contrast, the employment rate witnessed a moderate fall to 50%. Then, from 2014 to 2022, both Hue and Da Nang climbed significantly, just nearly 90% and 80%, respectively.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the trend was downward" -> "the trend exhibited a decline"
    Explanation: "Exhibited a decline" is more formal and precise than "was downward," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "the figure decreased during the first decade, and subsequently rose" -> "the figure experienced a decrease during the initial decade, followed by an increase"
    Explanation: "Experienced a decrease" and "followed by an increase" provide a more formal and precise description of the changes in the data.

  3. "there was a slight decline" -> "there was a marginal decline"
    Explanation: "Marginal" is a more precise term than "slight," conveying a clearer sense of the extent of the decline.

  4. "and half to 40%, respectively" -> "and from approximately 50% to 40%, respectively"
    Explanation: "From approximately 50%" clarifies the starting point of the decline and maintains a more formal tone.

  5. "a moderate drop was seen in the number of employment rates in 2022 with 80%" -> "a moderate decline in employment rates was observed in 2022, reaching 80%"
    Explanation: "Observed" is more formal than "seen," and rephrasing improves clarity and flow.

  6. "this figure had went up over 40% in 2018" -> "this figure increased to over 40% in 2018"
    Explanation: "Increased" is the correct past tense form, and "to" is more precise than "had went up," which is grammatically incorrect.

  7. "there was a rapid growth to 70% in 2014" -> "there was a rapid increase to 70% in 2014"
    Explanation: "Increase" is a more formal term than "growth" in this context, aligning better with academic language.

  8. "the employment rate witnessed a moderate fall to 50%" -> "the employment rate experienced a moderate decline to 50%"
    Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "witnessed," and "decline" is a more precise term than "fall."

  9. "both Hue and Da Nang climbed significantly, just nearly 90% and 80%, respectively" -> "both Hue and Da Nang experienced significant increases, reaching approximately 90% and 80%, respectively"
    Explanation: "Experienced significant increases" is more formal and precise than "climbed significantly," and "reaching approximately" clarifies the figures more effectively.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the employment rate in Phu Quoc went up over 40% in 2018, but the graph shows that it was closer to 30%. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data, such as the fact that the employment rate in Da Nang increased rapidly from 2010 to 2014.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details and by highlighting the key features of the data more clearly. The writer should also avoid using informal language, such as "went up" and "just nearly".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively outlines the main features of the graph, and the overall summary provides a good overview of the trends. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and the referencing could be clearer. For example, phrases like "this figure" could be more explicitly linked to the specific cities mentioned. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the organization within paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity of their cohesive devices by ensuring that references are unambiguous and directly related to the information presented. Improving the logical flow within paragraphs by using more varied and sophisticated linking phrases would also help. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that information is sequenced logically will contribute to a more coherent essay overall.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It uses terms like "employment rates," "decline," "increase," and "moderate," which are appropriate for the context. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the trend was downward," which could be more naturally expressed as "the trend declined." Additionally, phrases like "the figure decreased during the first decade" could be misleading, as it implies a full decade rather than the specified years. There are also some errors in grammar and sentence structure that affect clarity, such as "this figure had went up," which should be "this figure had gone up." While the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, the occasional inaccuracies and errors in word formation prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes practicing the correct forms of verbs and ensuring that collocations are used appropriately. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and avoiding repetitive phrases would help. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can also improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. There are several grammatical errors present, such as "had went" instead of "had gone," and issues with punctuation that occasionally disrupt the flow of communication. While the overall meaning is clear and the writer attempts to convey comparisons effectively, the errors do detract from the clarity and professionalism expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Grammar Accuracy: Review and practice common verb forms and tenses to avoid errors such as "had went."
  2. Punctuation: Ensure correct use of commas and periods to enhance readability and clarity.
  3. Sentence Variety: Continue to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, but ensure that complex structures are used accurately to reduce errors.
  4. Proofreading: Take time to revise the essay for any grammatical mistakes or awkward phrasing before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides information about the changes in employment rates for the population in four cities in Vietnam, namely Hanoi, Hue, Da Nang, and Phu Quoc, between 2010 and 2022.

Overall, it is evident from the data that the trend was downward in Hanoi and Phu Quoc, while the employment rates for residents increased in Da Nang and Hue. In Hue, however, the figure decreased during the first part of the decade before subsequently rising.

Looking first at the employment rate in Hanoi and Phu Quoc, from 2010 to 2014, there was a slight decline in Hanoi from 95% to just over 80%, and in Phu Quoc, it fell from approximately 50% to 40%. A moderate drop was observed in Hanoi’s employment rate, which stabilized at around 80% in 2022. In contrast, Phu Quoc saw a rise to over 40% in 2018, but this figure dropped to approximately 30% by 2022.

Regarding the figures for Hue and Da Nang, Da Nang experienced rapid growth, reaching 70% in 2014. In contrast, Hue’s employment rate witnessed a moderate decline to 50% during the same period. However, from 2014 to 2022, both Hue and Da Nang climbed significantly, approaching nearly 90% and 80%, respectively.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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