The graph below shows the changes in weekly food consumption per person in Great Britian from 1985 to 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.

The given line chart delineates the weekly changes in food consumption per capita in Great Britain every five years from 1985 to 2010.
Overall, the data reveals a stark contrast in consumption, with fresh fruit and ice cream increasing by varying degrees, whereas sugar saw precipitous falls. It is also reported that fresh fruit was consistently the most favored type of food over the period shown.
Commencing at precisely 500 grammes in 1985, fresh produce expenditure saw an uptick of 100 grammes in 1990, before surging to roughly 750 in the last year surveyed (the highest figure in the chart). Similarly, albeit to a much lesser extent, with a modest 20 tonnes in 1985, consumption of ice creams steadily increased, then peaked at just over 100 tonnes in 2005, before a rather negligible fall in the last year surveyed.
Conversely, sugar expenditure, despite registering the second highest starting point of 400 tonnes, embarked on a downward trend before finally plunging to match ice cream’s, at 100 tonnes by the end of the period, representing a fourfold decrease, the most pronounced change rate in the chart.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given line chart" -> "The provided line chart"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"every five years" -> "every five years"
Explanation: Removing "every" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing, where brevity is often preferred without sacrificing clarity.
"stark contrast" -> "marked contrast"
Explanation: "Marked" is a more academic term than "stark," which can carry a slightly emotional connotation that is less suitable for formal analysis.
"saw precipitous falls" -> "experienced significant declines"
Explanation: "Experienced significant declines" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "saw" and the somewhat dramatic "precipitous."
"It is also reported that" -> "Additionally, it is noted that"
Explanation: "Additionally" is more formal than "also," and "noted" is more precise than "reported" in this context, which is typically used for news or direct statements.
"fresh produce expenditure" -> "consumption of fresh produce"
Explanation: "Consumption of" is more specific and formal than "expenditure," which can be ambiguous in this context.
"saw an uptick of 100 grammes" -> "increased by 100 grammes"
Explanation: "Increased by" is more direct and formal than "saw an uptick of," which is colloquial and less precise.
"before surging to roughly 750" -> "before rising to approximately 750"
Explanation: "Rising to" is more formal than "surging," and "approximately" is preferred over "roughly" in academic writing for precision.
"Similarly, albeit to a much lesser extent" -> "Similarly, albeit to a lesser extent"
Explanation: Removing "much" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.
"modest 20 tonnes" -> "modest 20 tons"
Explanation: "Tons" is the correct unit of measurement for large quantities of food, and "tons" is the singular form used in this context.
"plunging to match ice cream’s" -> "dropping to the same level as ice cream"
Explanation: "Dropping to the same level as" is more precise and avoids the metaphorical "plunging," which can be seen as overly dramatic for an academic analysis.
"the most pronounced change rate" -> "the most significant change"
Explanation: "Most significant change" is more appropriate and clear, avoiding the awkward and unclear "change rate."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that fresh fruit was the most favored type of food over the period shown, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. Additionally, the essay does not fully explain the reasons for the changes in consumption.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the overview and by explaining the reasons for the changes in consumption. For example, the essay could state that fresh fruit consumption increased by 250 grammes between 1985 and 2010, while sugar consumption decreased by 300 tonnes over the same period. The essay could also speculate on the reasons for these changes, such as increased awareness of the health benefits of fresh fruit and a decline in the popularity of sugary drinks.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization and clear progression of ideas. It begins with an overview statement that summarizes the key trends shown in the graph. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct category (fresh fruit, ice cream, sugar), presenting data in a chronological order which aids coherence. There is effective use of cohesive devices such as "overall," "similarly," "conversely," and "despite," which help to connect ideas and enhance the coherence within and between sentences. The central topic of each paragraph is clear, addressing fresh fruit, ice cream, and sugar consumption as outlined in the prompt.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion further towards a higher band score, ensure that all cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Work on refining paragraphing logic to ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next without repetition or unnecessary shifts in focus. Additionally, strive for even smoother transitions between sentences within paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in describing the changes in food consumption. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items such as "precipitous", "stark contrast", "uptick", "embarked on", and "plunging". These contribute to a clear and varied description of the data. The vocabulary is generally used appropriately with awareness of style and collocation, although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation ("fresh produce expenditure" could be more naturally phrased as "fresh fruit consumption").

How to improve:
To improve to a higher band score, aim to consistently use more sophisticated and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Pay careful attention to word choice and ensure that less common vocabulary items are used accurately and appropriately in context. Avoid minor errors in word formation and collocation to enhance lexical precision further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. There is consistent use of varied sentence forms such as compound and complex sentences ("The given line chart delineates…", "Commencing at precisely 500 grammes…"). The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. There are occasional minor errors ("with a modest 20 tonnes in 1985, consumption of ice creams steadily increased…"), but these do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve:
To potentially reach a higher band score (8 or 9), ensure even greater flexibility and accuracy in sentence structures. Pay closer attention to eliminating minor errors, especially in verb tense consistency and article usage. Aim for complete error-free sentences throughout to enhance clarity and precision.

The graph below shows the changes in weekly food consumption per person in Great Britian from 1985 to 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.