The graph below shows the differences in wheat exports over three different areas from 1985 to 1990. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the amount of wheat traded abroad by Australia, Canada and the European community from 1985 to 1990. Overall, the production of wheat in the European community witnessed an upward trend and replaced Canada to be at the leading position while a downward trend was observed in wheat production for export over a 5-years period.
As can be seen in the chart, in 1985, the amount of wheat sold overseas in Canada ranked the first position with roughly 20 million tonnes, followed by the European community with 17 million tonnes while the figure for that in Australia held the lowest position with 15 million tonnes. After a year, the amount of wheat exports from Canada experienced a minimal decrease to 17 million tonnes, still the biggest amount, prior to bouncing back and peaking at 25 million tonnes in 1988. Meanwhile the European community declined mildly in the wheat production for trade internationally, reaching its lowest point at 14 million tonnes in 1986, the figure for that in Australia overtook Europe to become the second position. This trend continued until the amount of wheat traded abroad by the European community recovered and took its second place accounting for 15 million tonnes over a one- year period .
In the last two years of the given period, the amount of wheat traded by Australia held steady after hitting the bottom at 11 million in 1989. At the same time, the wheat production for exports overseas in Canada recorded a plunge, reaching its lowest point at 14 million tonnes prior to recovering to the amount as high as that of 1985. The figure for that in the European Community climbed constantly and surpassed Canada’s figure to hold the first position at 21 million tonnes in 1990 which doubled Australia’s figure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"wheat production for export" -> "wheat exports"
Explanation: "Wheat exports" is a more concise and commonly used term to refer to the quantity of wheat traded internationally. It eliminates redundancy and improves readability.
"replaced Canada to be at the leading position" -> "surpassed Canada to claim the leading position"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a stronger and more precise verb choice to indicate the action of one entity overtaking another. Additionally, "claim the leading position" adds clarity and formality to the sentence.
"After a year" -> "Subsequently"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more sophisticated transition word that smoothly connects the chronological sequence of events, enhancing the flow of the narrative.
"experienced a minimal decrease" -> "saw a marginal decline"
Explanation: "Saw a marginal decline" is a more precise and vivid expression that conveys the idea of a small decrease in a more engaging manner.
"peaking at" -> "peaked at"
Explanation: "Peaked at" is the correct past tense form of "peak" and maintains consistency in verb tense throughout the essay.
"declined mildly" -> "experienced a slight decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a slight decline" provides a clearer and more descriptive representation of the decrease in wheat production, avoiding ambiguity.
"prior to" -> "before"
Explanation: "Before" is a simpler and more direct alternative to "prior to," enhancing clarity and readability without sacrificing meaning.
"overtook Europe to become the second position" -> "surpassed Europe to claim the second position"
Explanation: "Surpassed Europe to claim the second position" is a more concise and formal expression that accurately communicates the idea of one entity surpassing another in rank.
"held steady after hitting the bottom" -> "remained steady after reaching the lowest point"
Explanation: "Remained steady after reaching the lowest point" provides a clearer and more descriptive depiction of the stability in wheat trading after a decline.
"recorded a plunge" -> "experienced a sharp decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a sharp decline" is a stronger and more vivid phrase that effectively communicates a significant drop in wheat exports.
"which doubled Australia’s figure" -> "which was twice that of Australia’s figure"
Explanation: "Which was twice that of Australia’s figure" provides a clearer and more precise comparison between the wheat production of the European Community and Australia, avoiding potential confusion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the graph, including the trends in wheat exports for Australia, Canada, and the European community from 1985 to 1990. It provides a clear overview of the main trends and differences, such as the shifts in leading positions among the three areas over the years.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend the discussion of key features and provide more specific data points or comparisons between the three areas. Additionally, ensuring a smoother transition between sentences and maintaining consistent terminology throughout the essay would enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the data and sets up the discussion. The body paragraphs follow a chronological order, comparing wheat exports among Australia, Canada, and the European community over the specified period. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on the trends of wheat exports for each country. Additionally, cohesive devices such as transition words ("overall," "meanwhile," "in the last two years") are used appropriately to connect ideas and maintain coherence.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Additionally, consider refining the paragraphing to ensure each paragraph addresses a single main idea, avoiding potential confusion for the reader. Moreover, strive for greater variety in cohesive devices to add richness to the essay’s coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary throughout, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. It effectively conveys the main features of the graph and makes comparisons between the different regions. The vocabulary used is suitable for the task, though there are some instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, focus on incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly more sophisticated and precise terms related to economic trends and data analysis. Additionally, pay closer attention to word choice to ensure accuracy and clarity. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can also help improve the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, aligning well with the Band 7 descriptor. There’s evidence of good control over grammar and punctuation, with sentences like "The line graph illustrates the amount of wheat traded abroad by Australia, Canada, and the European community from 1985 to 1990." showcasing the ability to construct complex information clearly and accurately. However, the essay contains a few errors and awkward phrasings such as "replaced Canada to be at the leading position" and "the figure for that in Australia overtook Europe to become the second position," which slightly hinder the overall clarity and accuracy. These minor issues suggest that while the writer has a solid grasp of grammatical structures and can mostly use them effectively, there are occasional lapses in accuracy and appropriateness.

How to improve:
To aim for a higher band, the writer should focus on refining their sentence structures to eliminate awkward or incorrect phrasing and ensure all complex sentences are as clear and accurate as possible. Practicing paraphrasing and varying sentence structures could enhance flexibility and accuracy. Attention should also be paid to more accurately connecting ideas and data points to improve the logical flow of information. Engaging with more advanced grammatical structures and ensuring their correct usage through practice and feedback can also contribute to reaching a higher level of grammatical accuracy and range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts the wheat exports from Australia, Canada, and the European Community spanning the period from 1985 to 1990. Overall, the European Community exhibited a notable increase in wheat exports, surpassing Canada to claim the leading position, while Canada experienced a decline in exports over the five-year period.

Initially, in 1985, Canada held the top position in wheat exports, with approximately 20 million tonnes, followed by the European Community at 17 million tonnes, and Australia at the lowest with 15 million tonnes. Subsequently, Canada experienced a slight decline in exports to 17 million tonnes in 1986 before rebounding and peaking at 25 million tonnes in 1988. Conversely, the European Community observed a mild decline in exports, reaching its lowest point of 14 million tonnes in 1986, allowing Australia to surpass it and claim the second position. This trend continued until the European Community’s exports recovered, reclaiming the second position with 15 million tonnes in the following year.

In the last two years of the period, Australia’s wheat exports remained stable after reaching a low of 11 million tonnes in 1989. Conversely, Canada experienced a significant decline in exports, reaching its lowest point of 14 million tonnes before recovering to its 1985 levels. Meanwhile, the European Community’s exports steadily increased, surpassing Canada’s to claim the top position with 21 million tonnes in 1990, which doubled Australia’s exports.