The graph below shows the number of films produced by five countries in three years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below shows the number of films produced by five countries in three years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates how the total amount of films made over the period of 3 years from 2007 in 5 different countries.
Overall, as can be seen from the chart, country A consistently led in film production across all 3 years, while community C had produced the fewest movies. Additionally, there was an increase in the figures for regions B,C and E.
When referring to country A that maintained the highest level of film production over the year.Starting at around 85 shows and this number did not change a year later, however, it slightly decreased , reaching approximately 79 movies by 2009. As for nation E, the figure stayed close to 10 films over the period from 2007 to 2009, and remains the country with the lowest total film output.
On the other hand, from 2007 to 2009, the numeros movies by country B rocketed from 50 flicks to 70 flicks. Similarly, the number of films released by public C tends to increase over 3 years, respectively 10; 14; 20. For country D, the trend of movies produced fluctuated and reached the lowest point of 10 films in 2008.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the total amount of films made" -> "the total number of films produced"
Explanation: "Amount" is typically used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is appropriate for countable nouns like "films." Additionally, "produced" is a more precise term in this context. -
"community C" -> "country C"
Explanation: The term "community" is informal and does not accurately represent the context of countries. "Country" is more precise and appropriate for the discussion of film production. -
"had produced the fewest movies" -> "produced the fewest films"
Explanation: The phrase "had produced" is unnecessarily complex for this context. "Produced" is sufficient to convey the action, and "films" is a more formal term than "movies." -
"the figures for regions B,C and E" -> "the figures for countries B, C, and E"
Explanation: "Regions" is vague and may not accurately describe the entities being discussed. "Countries" provides clarity and specificity. -
"the highest level of film production over the year" -> "the highest level of film production over the three-year period"
Explanation: "The year" is misleading as it implies a single year, while the context refers to a duration of three years. Specifying "three-year period" clarifies the timeframe. -
"this number did not change a year later, however, it slightly decreased" -> "this number remained constant the following year; however, it slightly decreased"
Explanation: "Did not change a year later" is informal. "Remained constant" is more precise, and the semicolon improves the sentence structure by separating the two independent clauses. -
"the figure stayed close to 10 films" -> "the figure remained approximately 10 films"
Explanation: "Stayed close to" is informal; "remained approximately" is more precise and maintains an academic tone. -
"the numeros movies by country B rocketed" -> "the number of films produced by country B increased significantly"
Explanation: "Numeros" is a typographical error. "Rocketed" is overly informal; "increased significantly" conveys the same meaning in a more academic manner. -
"the number of films released by public C tends to increase over 3 years, respectively 10; 14; 20" -> "the number of films produced by country C increased over the three years, specifically 10, 14, and 20"
Explanation: "Public C" is incorrect; "country C" is appropriate. "Tends to increase" is vague; "increased" is more definitive. The phrase "respectively 10; 14; 20" is awkward; "specifically 10, 14, and 20" is clearer. -
"the trend of movies produced fluctuated and reached the lowest point of 10 films in 2008" -> "the trend in film production fluctuated and reached a low of 10 films in 2008"
Explanation: "The trend of movies produced" is awkward; "the trend in film production" is more natural. "Lowest point" can be simplified to "a low," which maintains clarity while sounding more formal.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay provides a general overview of the information presented in the graph, but it does not adequately highlight all of the key features. For example, the essay mentions that country A consistently led in film production across all three years, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also mentions that there was an increase in the figures for regions B, C, and E, but it does not provide any specific details about the extent of these increases.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that country A produced approximately 85 films in 2007, 85 films in 2008, and 79 films in 2009. The essay could also provide more specific details about the increases in film production for regions B, C, and E. For example, the essay could state that the number of films produced by country B increased from 50 in 2007 to 70 in 2009. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the figure stayed close to 10 films," the essay could say "the number of films produced by country E remained at approximately 10 films."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, it lacks overall progression and clarity in certain areas. While there are attempts to compare the film production across different countries, the structure is somewhat disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, leading to confusion in the flow of ideas. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" and "As for" are used, but they do not always connect ideas logically. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences not clearly belonging to a specific paragraph, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating a clearer structure with logical paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a distinct central topic, and transitions between ideas should be smoother and more logical. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively and ensuring that referencing is clear will help improve the flow of the essay. Finally, maintaining a consistent tone and avoiding abrupt shifts in focus will contribute to a more coherent overall response.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "community C" instead of "country C," and "numeros movies" which should be "numerous movies." Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from clarity, such as "the total amount of films made" and "the trend of movies produced fluctuated." While the errors do not completely impede communication, they do affect the overall effectiveness of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and fluency in phrasing will contribute to a clearer expression of ideas. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using synonyms to avoid repetition can also elevate the quality of the writing. Lastly, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would help in achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the numeros movies" and "the fewest movies" indicate inaccuracies in word choice and agreement. Additionally, the use of punctuation is inconsistent, as seen in the sentence "When referring to country A that maintained the highest level of film production over the year." This sentence lacks proper punctuation, making it difficult to follow.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Proofreading for common grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes can enhance clarity. Additionally, varying vocabulary and improving coherence in presenting comparisons and trends will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The chart illustrates the total number of films produced over a three-year period from 2007 by five different countries.
Overall, it is evident from the chart that Country A consistently led in film production across all three years, while Country E produced the fewest movies. Additionally, there was an increase in the figures for Countries B, C, and D.
In reference to Country A, which maintained the highest level of film production throughout the years, it started at around 85 films, and this number remained unchanged the following year. However, it slightly decreased, reaching approximately 79 films by 2009. In contrast, Country E’s output stayed close to 10 films over the period from 2007 to 2009, making it the country with the lowest total film output.
On the other hand, from 2007 to 2009, the number of films produced by Country B surged from 50 to 70 films. Similarly, the number of films released by Country C increased over the three years, with respective totals of 10, 14, and 20 films. For Country D, the trend in film production fluctuated, reaching a low point of 10 films in 2008.
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