The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas of a European country

The line graph illustrates how many travelers from abroad to three regions in a European country from 1987 to 2007
Overall, there was an increase in the share of foreign visitors has grown during the period in all categories. Additionally, the number of overseas travelers to the lake, and the mountain had the highest figure from 2002 to onwards.
Between 1987 and 1992, the number of people traveling abroad to the Series 3 remain unchanged, reaching a peak of just under 30, but it later dropped back to precisely 30 in 1997. The figure for the coast was at exactly 40, followed by a slight decrease to reach a low of upward of 35 in 1992, and a final rise to north of 50 in the end of the first half of the period. Similar changes can be seen in the figure for the lake, the mountain, rising dramatically from 10 in 1987 to exactly 40 in 10 years later.
From 1997 to the end of the period, the number of overseas visitors to the Series 3 started at 20 in 1997, after which it experienced a slow rise to 30 in 2000, before ending the period steadily at around 35. The figure for the coast increased sharply, reaching a peak of approximately 75 in 2002, and a final drop to around 65 at the end of the period. The figure for the lake, the mountain saw a similar alternative, increasing from 40 in1997 and reaching the peak of 75 in the whole period, after cutting across the figure for the coast, before ending the period at around 65.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates how many travelers from abroad to three regions" -> "The line graph illustrates the number of travelers from abroad to three regions"
Explanation: Removing "how many" clarifies the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone by focusing on the action of illustrating rather than the quantity being illustrated.
"foreign visitors has grown" -> "foreign visitor numbers have increased"
Explanation: "Visitor numbers" is a more precise term than "foreign visitors," and "have increased" corrects the subject-verb agreement error.
"the number of overseas travelers to the lake, and the mountain had the highest figure from 2002 to onwards" -> "the number of overseas travelers to the lake and mountain reached its highest figure from 2002 onwards"
Explanation: "Reached its highest figure" is more specific and academically appropriate than "had the highest figure," and removing "onwards" corrects the grammatical structure.
"the Series 3 remain unchanged" -> "Series 3 remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Remained" is the correct past tense form for "remain," improving grammatical accuracy.
"reaching a peak of just under 30, but it later dropped back to precisely 30" -> "reaching a peak of approximately 30, only to drop to precisely 30"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "just under," and "only to drop" is a more formal expression than "but it later dropped back."
"upward of 35" -> "more than 35"
Explanation: "More than" is a clearer and more formal expression than "upward of," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"north of 50" -> "more than 50"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "more than" is clearer and more formal than "north of."
"the figure for the lake, the mountain, rising dramatically" -> "the figures for the lake and mountain rose dramatically"
Explanation: "The figures" is plural to match the plural subject, and "rose" is the correct verb form for the past tense.
"10 in 10 years later" -> "40 in 10 years"
Explanation: Removing "later" corrects the awkward phrasing and maintains clarity.
"the number of overseas visitors to the Series 3 started at 20 in 1997, after which it experienced a slow rise" -> "the number of overseas visitors to Series 3 began at 20 in 1997, subsequently experiencing a slow rise"
Explanation: "Begun" is more precise than "started," and "subsequently" is more formal than "after which."
"before ending the period steadily at around 35" -> "before ending the period steadily at approximately 35"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "around," aligning better with academic style.
"The figure for the coast increased sharply, reaching a peak of approximately 75 in 2002, and a final drop to around 65 at the end of the period" -> "The figure for the coast sharply increased, reaching a peak of approximately 75 in 2002, before declining to around 65 by the end of the period"
Explanation: "Before declining" is more precise than "a final drop," and "by the end of the period" is more formal than "at the end of the period."
"The figure for the lake, the mountain saw a similar alternative" -> "The figures for the lake and mountain experienced a similar pattern"
Explanation: "Experienced a similar pattern" is more specific and academically appropriate than "saw a similar alternative," which is vague and incorrect in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, focusing on specific data points rather than presenting a broader picture. The essay also presents key features/bullet points inadequately, with a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. For example, the essay could state that the number of overseas visitors to all three areas increased over the period, but that the lake and mountain areas experienced the most significant growth. The essay could also highlight the key features of each trend, such as the peak in visitors to the coast in 2002, or the steady increase in visitors to the lake and mountain areas. The essay should avoid focusing on specific data points and instead present a more general overview of the trends.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in the data, the connections between ideas are sometimes unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the information presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as the transitions between different sections of the essay could be improved to enhance coherence.
How to improve: To improve the score, the essay should focus on creating clearer connections between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will help to enhance the flow of information. Additionally, ensuring logical paragraphing and a clear progression of ideas will contribute to a more coherent overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the graph, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and sometimes inappropriate (e.g., "the Series 3" is unclear and inconsistent). There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "the share of foreign visitors has grown" is awkwardly phrased), and spelling errors (e.g., "in1997" should have a space). These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition. Using more precise terms to describe trends and figures (e.g., "increased," "decreased," "remained stable") would improve clarity. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and ensuring correct word formation will help reduce errors that impede communication. Finally, practicing the use of less common lexical items in context can demonstrate a greater awareness of style and collocation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect prepositions, and punctuation errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the share of foreign visitors has grown" are awkwardly constructed, and the use of "the Series 3" is unclear and inconsistent. Additionally, there are instances of run-on sentences and missing articles, which detract from the overall clarity of the writing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and accuracy of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing the use of complex sentences and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Additionally, the writer should aim to clarify ambiguous references (e.g., "the Series 3") and improve coherence by organizing ideas more logically. Regular practice with feedback on grammatical accuracy will also help in reducing errors and enhancing overall fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the number of travelers from abroad to three regions in a European country from 1987 to 2007. Overall, there was an increase in the share of foreign visitors during the period across all categories. Additionally, the number of overseas travelers to the lake and the mountain had the highest figures from 2002 onwards.

Between 1987 and 1992, the number of people traveling abroad to Series 3 remained unchanged, reaching a peak of just under 30, but it later dropped back to precisely 30 in 1997. The figure for the coast was exactly 40, followed by a slight decrease to reach a low of just above 35 in 1992, and a final rise to over 50 by the end of the first half of the period. Similar changes can be seen in the figures for the lake and the mountain, which rose dramatically from 10 in 1987 to exactly 40 ten years later.

From 1997 to the end of the period, the number of overseas visitors to Series 3 started at 20 in 1997, after which it experienced a slow rise to 30 in 2000, before ending the period steadily at around 35. The figure for the coast increased sharply, reaching a peak of approximately 75 in 2002, followed by a final drop to around 65 at the end of the period. The figures for the lake and the mountain saw a similar trend, increasing from 40 in 1997 and reaching a peak of 75 during the entire period, after surpassing the figure for the coast, before ending the period at around 65.