the graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017

The given chart illustrates the amount of people traveling a particular Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017
Overall, we can see the amount of tourists staying on cruise ships reached the highest point at 2 million people in 2017 . However, both the number of visitors staying on cruise ships and islands increased compared to the beginning, which has led to the total line rising dramatically.
Looking at the details, from the beginning to 2013, there witnessed a fluctuation of the number of visitors staying on cruise ships at 0,5 units in 2013. Besides,the figure for tourists choosing on island has risen slightly from 0.75 to 1.25 units after unchained in 2011. Therefore, the total number of tourists noticeable grows from 1 to 1.5.
In the half of the period, suddenly, the number of people picking up island remained unchanged at 1,5 units for next three years, then it declined minimally to 1.25 in 2016 before going up at 1.5 again at the end of the period. By contrast, the rate of persons staying on cruise ships has increased significantly to 2 million in 2017.In conclusion, the total number of both choices rapidly rose to 3.5 million people at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"amount of people" -> "number of individuals"
Explanation: "Amount" is typically used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is more appropriate for countable nouns like "people." "Individuals" is a more formal and precise term compared to "people."
"staying on cruise ships" -> "embarking on cruise ships"
Explanation: "Staying" implies a prolonged duration, whereas "embarking" suggests the action of boarding a cruise ship for travel, which aligns better with the context of tourism.
"the number of visitors staying on cruise ships and islands increased" -> "the number of visitors opting for cruises and island stays increased"
Explanation: "Opting for" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "staying on" and "choosing on." It conveys the idea of making a deliberate choice.
"there witnessed" -> "witnessed"
Explanation: "There witnessed" is redundant; "witnessed" alone is sufficient to convey the past event.
"unchained" -> "unleashed"
Explanation: "Unchained" is not appropriate in this context. "Unleashed" implies a release or freedom, which fits the context of the data being released or made available.
"noticeable grows" -> "noticeably grows"
Explanation: "Noticeable" is an adjective and needs to be used in its adverbial form, "noticeably," to modify the verb "grows."
"picking up island" -> "opting for island stays"
Explanation: "Picking up island" is unclear and awkward. "Opting for island stays" is more precise and formal, indicating a deliberate choice of staying on the island.
"By contrast, the rate of persons staying on cruise ships has increased significantly" -> "In contrast, the number of individuals opting for cruise ship stays has increased significantly"
Explanation: "Rate of persons staying on cruise ships" is unnecessarily wordy and unclear. "Number of individuals opting for cruise ship stays" is clearer and more precise, aligning with the context of the data presented.
"choices rapidly rose" -> "options increased rapidly"
Explanation: "Choices" is vague in this context. "Options" is more specific and appropriate. Additionally, "increased rapidly" is more concise and formal compared to "rapidly rose."
"to 3.5 million people" -> "to a total of 3.5 million individuals"
Explanation: Adding "a total of" before the numerical figure adds clarity and formality to the statement. Using "individuals" instead of "people" maintains consistency and formality throughout the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by presenting an overview of the trends in tourist visits to a Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017. The key features of the graph, including the increase in both cruise ship and on-island visitors, are highlighted. The essay provides some numerical data to support the description of the trends over time.

How to improve:
To improve, ensure that the description of the trends is more precise and accurate. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure for clearer communication. Additionally, strive to provide a more detailed and thorough analysis of the data, including specific figures and comparisons between different years. Lastly, consider organizing the essay in a more structured manner to enhance coherence and readability.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization but lacks overall progression. There are some attempts at using cohesive devices, but they are inadequately used, leading to inaccuracies and repetitions. The essay is structured with paragraphs, but the paragraphing is inadequate, lacking logical progression.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing ideas more clearly and ensuring a logical flow of information. Use a variety of cohesive devices more effectively and avoid repetitive language. Additionally, work on paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that there is logical progression between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay primarily employs basic vocabulary and lacks diversity in lexical resources. It repeats phrases such as "number of tourists," "staying on cruise ships," and "on island." There are minimal attempts to use less common vocabulary, but they are not utilized effectively. Errors in word formation and spelling, such as "unchained" instead of "unchanged" and "noticeable grows" instead of "noticeably grew," occur throughout the essay, causing strain for the reader.
How to improve: To improve lexical resource, the essay should incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, avoiding repetitive phrases. Utilize more varied and precise vocabulary related to tourism and statistics. Additionally, pay close attention to word formation and spelling to minimize errors and enhance clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures and some complexity. There is an effort to employ complex sentences, although they are not always accurate. While the essay attempts to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text. These errors include inaccuracies in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect placement of periods. However, the errors do not completely hinder communication, as the main ideas are still discernible.

How to improve:

Work on sentence structure variety: Incorporate more diverse sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
Focus on accuracy: Pay close attention to grammar rules, verb tense consistency, and article usage to minimize errors.
Review punctuation: Practice using commas, periods, and other punctuation marks correctly to enhance clarity and readability.
Proofread: Take time to review and revise the essay carefully to identify and correct any grammatical errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the fluctuation in the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.

Overall, it is evident that the total number of tourists, comprising those staying on cruise ships and those opting for island stays, experienced significant growth, reaching its peak at 3.5 million people by the end of the period.

Beginning with the specifics, from 2010 to 2013, there was a fluctuating trend in the number of visitors opting for cruise ship stays, which reached 0.5 million in 2013. In contrast, the figure for tourists choosing island stays saw a slight increase from 0.75 million in 2010 to 1.25 million in 2011, after which it remained stable until 2016, with a minor decline to 1.25 million in 2016, before rising again to 1.5 million by the end of the period.

However, the most notable observation is the significant surge in the number of tourists staying on cruise ships, which skyrocketed to 2 million in 2017.

In summary, the total number of tourists, including both cruise ship and island stays, witnessed a remarkable increase, reaching 3.5 million by the end of the period.