The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017

The given graph illustrates the quantities of traveller visited Carribean area from 2010 to 2017.

Overall, there was a significant variation in the patterns of number of tourists who either staying on cruise ships or using hotel services on the island and the total number of visitors. Furthermore, there were changes in the ranking when cruise ship travellers had occupied the majority, overtaking the number of on land tourists in this period.

After the first glance to the graph, in the first 4 years of this time, there was no occupation happened. There was a noticeable increase in the value of on land people when it rose from about 0.75 milions to 1.5 milions of visitors. Meanwhile regarding the travellers who sleep on the sea, as the same as the other one, its data increased dramatically by 0.75 millions of people. Therfore in total, there was an outsatnding rocket in the sum of visitors in this particular area.

As can be observed for a better detail, in the next 3 years, the value of cruiseship members had overtook the majority with a noticeable increase of approximately 1 million people, whereas for the other, the data remained the same. However, there was still a significant going up movement in the total number of visitors to this island over this period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"traveller visited" -> "travelers visiting"
Explanation: "Traveller visited" is grammatically incorrect. "Travelers visiting" is a more appropriate and grammatically correct phrase to describe people who visit the Caribbean area.
"there was a significant variation" -> "significant fluctuations were observed"
Explanation: "Variation" is a broad term and lacks specificity. "Fluctuations" conveys a more precise meaning in this context, indicating changes over time.
"either staying on cruise ships or using hotel services" -> "either staying aboard cruise ships or utilizing hotel services"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks parallel structure and clarity. "Staying aboard cruise ships" and "utilizing hotel services" provide clearer alternatives while maintaining parallelism.
"the total number of visitors" -> "the overall visitor count"
Explanation: "Total number of visitors" is repetitive. "Overall visitor count" is a more concise alternative.
"overtaking" -> "surpassing"
Explanation: "Overtaking" is less formal. "Surpassing" is a more sophisticated alternative.
"After the first glance to the graph" -> "Upon initial examination of the graph"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "Upon initial examination of the graph" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"no occupation happened" -> "no change occurred"
Explanation: "Occupation happened" is unclear and awkward. "No change occurred" is a clearer and more concise alternative.
"Therfore" -> "Therefore"
Explanation: "Therfore" contains a typographical error. "Therefore" is the correct spelling.
"outsatnding rocket" -> "significant surge"
Explanation: "Outsatnding rocket" is nonsensical. "Significant surge" conveys the intended meaning of a notable increase more effectively.
"As can be observed for a better detail" -> "For a closer examination"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. "For a closer examination" is a clearer and more concise alternative.
"overtook the majority" -> "outnumbered"
Explanation: "Overtook the majority" is less precise. "Outnumbered" conveys the idea more clearly.
"significant going up movement" -> "significant upward trend"
Explanation: "Significant going up movement" is awkward and lacks precision. "Significant upward trend" is a more concise and clear alternative.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the trends in the number of tourists visiting a Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017. It presents information about the fluctuations in the number of tourists staying on land and those using cruise ship services. The key features, such as the overall increase in visitors and the shift in dominance from land-based to cruise ship tourists, are highlighted.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more precise and accurate descriptions of the data, avoiding vague phrases like "significant variation" and "noticeable increase." Additionally, clarity can be enhanced by using clearer transitions between different time periods and trends, and by ensuring that details provided are relevant to the overall analysis.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information with some coherence and demonstrates a clear overall progression, particularly in outlining the trends in tourist numbers over the years. The introduction provides a brief overview of the data presented in the graph. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences, such as the phrase "in the first 4 years of this time, there was no occupation happened" which lacks clarity. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, making it slightly challenging to follow the progression of ideas smoothly. Paragraphing is present, but it’s not always logically structured, such as the lack of a clear separation between the discussion of different time periods.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the clarity of sentence structures and ensuring that ideas flow smoothly from one to another. Avoid abrupt transitions and provide clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph contains a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. Some variety in vocabulary is attempted, but there is repetition and imprecision in word choice. For instance, "traveller," "quantity," "significant variation," "patterns," "staying on cruise ships," "using hotel services," "total number of visitors," "occupancy," and "outsatnding rocket" are examples of vocabulary used. However, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Carribean," "milions," "outsatnding," and "rockets." These errors and the simplistic language choice indicate limitations in vocabulary range.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource criteria, aim for a broader and more precise range of vocabulary. Use synonyms and varied expressions to convey ideas more effectively. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that may hinder clarity and comprehension. Additionally, consider using more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions appropriate for academic writing, particularly in the context of describing data and trends.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies that hinder clarity. Some complex structures are attempted but lack accuracy, affecting coherence. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use punctuation and grammar correctly, but there are frequent errors that impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures by incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence forms with greater accuracy. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence clarity. Additionally, ensure punctuation is used accurately and consistently throughout the essay to improve readability and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the quantities of travelers visiting the Caribbean area from 2010 to 2017.

Overall, there was a significant variation in the patterns of the number of tourists either staying on cruise ships or using hotel services on the island and the total number of visitors. Furthermore, there were changes in the ranking when cruise ship travelers had occupied the majority, overtaking the number of on-land tourists in this period.

Upon initial examination of the graph, it is evident that for the first four years of this period, there was no significant change in occupancy. However, there was a noticeable increase in the number of on-land visitors, rising from approximately 0.75 million to 1.5 million. Similarly, concerning travelers who sleep at sea, their data also increased dramatically by 0.75 million people. Consequently, there was an outstanding surge in the total number of visitors to this particular area.

For a more detailed analysis, in the subsequent three years, the number of cruise ship members had overtaken the majority with a noticeable increase of approximately 1 million people, while the data for on-land visitors remained consistent. Nevertheless, there was still a significant upward trend in the total number of visitors to this island over this period.