The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph compares the numbers of new shops and closed shops in one nation from 2011 to 2018.

Overall, the quantities of closures and openings among shops in the examined area both experienced a fluctuating but generally downward trend over the 7-year period.

In 2011, the number of stores being opened was much higher than that being closed, by around 1,600 cases. Over the following three years, the figure for closures notably fluctuated and reached a peak of roughly 7,000 events in 2013. A similar trend, but to a larger extent, was seen in opening events during the same period.

By 2015, both shop closure and opening cases sharply declined to approximately 600 and 4,000 events, respectively. After that, while the number of openings among shops remained stable before falling until the end of the period, a dramatic rise and slight fluctuations were respectively seen in the figure for closures.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph compares" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "compares," as it suggests a detailed representation of data rather than a simple comparison.
"numbers of new shops and closed shops" -> "numbers of newly opened and closed shops"
Explanation: "Newly opened and closed shops" clarifies that the data refers to shops that have opened or closed, enhancing the precision of the description.
"one nation" -> "a country"
Explanation: "A country" is a more formal and specific term than "one nation," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"the quantities of closures and openings" -> "the numbers of closures and openings"
Explanation: "Numbers" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it directly refers to the numerical data being discussed.
"both experienced a fluctuating but generally downward trend" -> "both exhibited a fluctuating yet generally downward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and precise than "experienced," and "yet" is preferred over "but" for a more academic tone.
"the number of stores being opened was much higher" -> "the number of stores opened was significantly higher"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "much," which can be seen as vague and informal.
"by around 1,600 cases" -> "by approximately 1,600 cases"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal and precise than "around," which is somewhat informal and imprecise.
"the figure for closures notably fluctuated" -> "the number of closures fluctuated significantly"
Explanation: "The number of closures" is more direct and specific than "the figure for closures," and "significantly" is more formal than "notably."
"A similar trend, but to a larger extent, was seen in opening events" -> "A similar trend, albeit to a greater extent, was observed in opening events"
Explanation: "Albeit" is more formal and academic than "but," and "observed" is preferred over "seen" in formal writing.
"shop closure and opening cases" -> "shop closures and openings"
Explanation: "Closures and openings" is grammatically correct and more formal than "closure and opening cases."
"sharp decline" -> "significant decline"
Explanation: "Significant" is more formal and academically appropriate than "sharp," which can be seen as colloquial.
"dramatic rise" -> "marked increase"
Explanation: "Marked increase" is more formal and precise than "dramatic rise," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.
"slight fluctuations" -> "minor fluctuations"
Explanation: "Minor" is more specific and formal than "slight," which is somewhat vague and informal.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay does not fully address the task. The essay does not accurately describe the data presented in the graph. The essay describes the data as showing the number of new shops and closed shops in one nation from 2011 to 2018. However, the graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. The essay also does not provide a clear overview of the main features of the graph. The essay does not make comparisons where relevant.

How to improve: The essay should accurately describe the data presented in the graph. The essay should also provide a clear overview of the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could state that the number of shops that closed was higher than the number of shops that opened in 2011, but that the number of shops that opened was higher than the number of shops that closed in 2013. The essay could also state that the number of shops that closed and the number of shops that opened both decreased from 2013 to 2015.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main features of the graph are summarized, and there is an attempt to compare the trends in shop openings and closures. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it lacks a logical structure in some areas, which affects the overall flow of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will also strengthen the overall organization of ideas. Additionally, using more sophisticated linking phrases can help in creating smoother transitions between different points.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the quantities of closures and openings" which could be more naturally expressed as "the number of closures and openings." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the figure for closures notably fluctuated," which could be clearer with a different phrasing. These issues do not impede communication but do detract from the overall lexical sophistication expected at higher bands.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and varied expressions. Practicing the use of synonyms and collocations can help improve the naturalness of the language. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a more polished essay. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can also help in acquiring a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may cause minor confusion for the reader. For example, phrases like "the quantities of closures and openings among shops" could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, some sentences lack variety, which affects the overall grammatical range. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the main points.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are used accurately. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will enhance clarity. Incorporating more complex and varied vocabulary can also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style, which is essential for higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph compares the numbers of new shops and closed shops in one nation from 2011 to 2018.

Overall, the quantities of closures and openings among shops in the examined area both experienced a fluctuating but generally downward trend over the seven-year period.

In 2011, the number of shops being opened was significantly higher than that of those being closed, by around 1,600 cases. Over the following three years, the figure for closures notably fluctuated, reaching a peak of roughly 7,000 events in 2013. A similar trend, but to a larger extent, was observed in the opening events during the same period.

By 2015, both shop closures and openings sharply declined to approximately 600 and 4,000 events, respectively. After that, while the number of openings among shops remained stable before falling until the end of the period, a dramatic rise and slight fluctuations were observed in the figure for closures.