The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to
2007.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

Given is the line chart providing information about the number of graduating students in Canada over a span of 15 years commencing 1992.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the figure of graduates of both males and females saw an upward trend. Another noticeable feature is that the number of graduating females took the dominant position.

Regarding the number of graduating females, this figure started at nearly 100.000 students in 1992 and increased slightly in the next 3 years, about 105.000 students before having a moderate decrease to 100.000 graduates from 1996 to 1998. However, this trend rocketed in the year 2000 peaking at nearly 150.000 students at the end of period.

Concerning the figure of graduating males, the trend of graduating males was nearly the same with that of females, starting with 70.000 students in 1992 and rising slightly in the next 3 years, approximately 76.000 graduates before fluctuating slightly from 1996 to 2001. This trend increased significantly in the next 5 years, peaking at about 90.000 students in 2006.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Given is the line chart providing information about the number of graduating students" -> "Presented is the line chart depicting data on the number of graduating students"
Explanation: "Given is" is a less formal construction. "Presented is" maintains formality and clarity. "Depicting" is more precise than "providing information about."
"From an overall perspective" -> "From an overarching perspective"
Explanation: "Overarching" conveys a broader scope than "overall," adding depth to the analysis.
"figure of graduates" -> "number of graduates"
Explanation: "Number of graduates" is a more precise and direct phrase.
"noticed feature is that" -> "notable feature is that"
Explanation: "Notable" is a more sophisticated term than "noticed" and conveys a sense of importance.
"took the dominant position" -> "occupied the predominant position"
Explanation: "Occupied the predominant position" is more formal and precise than "took the dominant position."
"Regarding the number of graduating females" -> "As for the number of female graduates"
Explanation: "Regarding" is less formal. "As for" maintains formality while being more concise.
"moderate decrease" -> "gradual decline"
Explanation: "Gradual decline" is a more precise and descriptive term than "moderate decrease."
"rocketed" -> "soared"
Explanation: "Soared" is a stronger and more vivid verb than "rocketed," enhancing the description.
"Concerning the figure of graduating males" -> "Regarding the number of male graduates"
Explanation: "Concerning" is less formal. "Regarding" maintains formality while being more concise.
"fluctuating slightly" -> "experienced minor fluctuations"
Explanation: "Experienced minor fluctuations" provides a clearer description of the trend than "fluctuating slightly."
"increased significantly" -> "marked a significant increase"
Explanation: "Marked a significant increase" is a more formal and precise phrase than "increased significantly."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the provided line chart showing the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. It presents an overview of the trends for both male and female graduates, highlighting key points such as the overall upward trend and the dominance of female graduates. The essay also provides specific data points over the specified time period. However, the description could be more detailed and cohesive. Some inaccuracies and repetitions are present, and the information could be better organized for clarity.

How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed and precise descriptions of the data trends, avoid repetitive phrases, and ensure coherence and cohesion in the presentation of information. Additionally, verify the accuracy of data points to avoid inconsistencies.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information coherently and progresses logically, with a clear overview provided at the beginning. The writer effectively organizes information into paragraphs, each focusing on specific aspects of the data. Cohesive devices are used to connect ideas, although there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in repetitive sentence structures. However, the overall progression of ideas is clear, and there is a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim for more varied sentence structures to avoid repetition. Ensure that cohesive devices are used more naturally and strategically to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, pay closer attention to the logical arrangement of paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential aspects of the graph. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "rocketed" and "fluctuating," which contributes to lexical variety. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "rocketed" being too informal for an academic essay. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, such as "commencing" instead of "commencing from" and "concerning the figure of graduating males" which could be more concisely expressed. Overall, the lexical resource is sufficient to convey the main features of the graph, but improvements in accuracy and formality would enhance the clarity and sophistication of the language used.

How to improve:

Ensure precise word choice and appropriate collocation for an academic context.
Use a wider variety of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and precise terms.
Pay attention to word formation and spelling accuracy to minimize errors that may affect communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating varied structures such as introductory phrases, clauses, and compound sentences. There are attempts at complex sentences, though some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing are present. Despite this, the communication remains intact and the overall structure is clear.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence coherence to minimize errors and improve overall clarity. Additionally, strive for more precise vocabulary choices to further elevate the essay’s quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart illustrates the number of university graduates in Canada spanning from 1992 to 2007.

Overall, it is apparent that both male and female graduation figures experienced an upward trajectory, with females consistently outnumbering males.

Commencing with the number of female graduates, there was an initial count of nearly 100,000 students in 1992, which marginally increased over the subsequent three years to approximately 105,000 graduates. This was followed by a moderate decline to 100,000 graduates from 1996 to 1998. However, there was a substantial surge in 2000, reaching a peak of almost 150,000 students by the end of the period.

In terms of male graduates, the trend closely mirrored that of females, commencing at 70,000 students in 1992 and experiencing a slight rise over the following three years to approximately 76,000 graduates. This was succeeded by minor fluctuations from 1996 to 2001. Subsequently, there was a significant increase over the next five years, peaking at around 90,000 students in 2006.

Overall, the data illustrates a consistent growth in the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007, with females consistently leading in graduation numbers.