The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph shows the percentage of exportation from Australia to 4 countries in a period of 23 years, from 1990 to 2012.
Overall, while the percentage of exportation to Japan experienced a decline, the opposite situation was true for Australian exports to China. Meanwhile, a fluctuation can be seen from the US and India. Additionally, at the end of period, China accounted the most in the percentage of Australia’s exportation.
From 1990 to 2000, Japan saw a decrease of about 9% in terms of the percentage of Australian exports, compared to the slight increase of approximately 3% from China. However, the year 2000 witnessed a significant increase of around 20% in Chinese’s proportion of exportations from Australia, while the Japanese were still in their slight downward trend. At the end of the period, in 2012, China reached a peak of approximately 29% in the proportion of exportation from Australia, even though Japan was at its lowest at around 16%.
Though China and Japan saw noticeable changes during the 23-year period, the same thing was not applied for the US and India. In the first 10 years, a stability of around 2% in the percentage of Australian exports can be seen from India, while the US reached a peak of approximately 12% in the year 2000. From 2000 to 2010, however, the proportion of Australia’s export to the United States was gradually dropped to around 5%, though India was steadily climbed up to the highest point at roughly 7%. At the end of the period, the United States’ percentage in Australian exports slowly climbed to around 7% in 2012, while India was approximately 2% dropped at their highest.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"exportation" -> "exports"
Explanation: "Exports" is a more concise and commonly used term in economic contexts, which refers to goods or services sold abroad. It avoids unnecessary verbosity and maintains clarity in the description.
"fluctuation can be seen" -> "fluctuations are evident"
Explanation: "Fluctuations are evident" provides a clearer and more direct statement, emphasizing the observable nature of the changes in export percentages over time.
"Chinese’s proportion" -> "China’s proportion"
Explanation: "China’s proportion" is the correct possessive form, indicating the proportion belonging to China. It maintains grammatical correctness and clarity in the sentence.
"noticed changes" -> "observed variations"
Explanation: "Observed variations" is a more precise and formal term, conveying the idea of changes being identified or noted with a higher degree of scrutiny and attention to detail.
"applied for" -> "observed in"
Explanation: "Observed in" is a more suitable phrase to indicate that a similar situation was seen regarding the changes in export percentages for the US and India. It provides a clearer expression of the comparison.
"a stability of around 2%" -> "stability remained around 2%"
Explanation: "Stability remained around 2%" provides a clearer description of the consistent export percentage over the mentioned period, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the stability.
"steadily climbed up" -> "steadily increased"
Explanation: "Steadily increased" is a more precise and straightforward term to describe the upward trend in India’s export percentage. It maintains clarity and avoids redundancy.
"approximately 2% dropped" -> "dropped by approximately 2%"
Explanation: "Dropped by approximately 2%" offers a clearer expression of the decrease in India’s export percentage, indicating the magnitude of the decline more accurately.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in Australian exports to four countries over the given period. It highlights key features such as the changes in export percentages to Japan, China, the US, and India. The trends are presented with adequate detail and clarity.
How to improve: To improve, consider extending the analysis of trends beyond the descriptive level to include deeper insights or implications, where possible. Additionally, ensure that all information provided is accurate and relevant to the task.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. It effectively utilizes cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas, though there are some instances of minor overuse or underuse. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the countries mentioned in the graph, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion further, consider ensuring consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay, avoiding instances of minor overuse or underuse. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph maintains logical organization and contributes effectively to the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of exportation and the trends depicted in the graph. The writer effectively utilizes vocabulary related to describing trends such as "decline," "fluctuation," "significant increase," and "peak." Additionally, there is an attempt to use less common lexical items like "proportion" and "exportations." The writer also shows some awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "the percentage of exportation" and "proportion of exportation." Occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, such as "Chinese’s" instead of "China’s" and "climbed up to the highest point at roughly 7%" could be improved for clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve, focus on refining word choice and ensuring accuracy in word formation. Additionally, pay attention to the correct use of possessive forms and aim for more precision in expressing percentages and trends. Finally, consider enhancing variety in sentence structure to further showcase lexical flexibility.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a somewhat varied structure. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, especially when discussing the trends over time. However, some sentences could be more varied in structure to enhance clarity and cohesion.

While there are occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the trends in export percentages over the given period. There are minor issues such as tense consistency ("China accounted the most" should be "China accounted for the most"), but these do not severely affect comprehension.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater diversity in sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences where appropriate to add depth to the analysis. Review and revise for grammatical errors, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Additionally, ensure punctuation is used correctly to improve readability and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the proportion of exports from Australia to four countries over a span of 23 years, from 1990 to 2012.

Overall, there were contrasting trends in the export percentages to Japan and China, while the figures for the United States and India fluctuated. Notably, China emerged as the primary destination for Australian exports by the end of the period.

Between 1990 and 2000, the export percentage to Japan experienced a gradual decline, dropping by approximately 9%, whereas exports to China saw a modest increase of about 3%. However, in the year 2000, there was a significant surge in the proportion of exports to China, rising by approximately 20%, while Japan continued its downward trajectory. By 2012, China accounted for the highest proportion of Australian exports at around 29%, while Japan reached its lowest point at roughly 16%.

In contrast, the export percentages to the United States and India exhibited fluctuations. In the initial decade, exports to India remained relatively stable, hovering around 2%, whereas exports to the United States peaked at approximately 12% in the year 2000. However, from 2000 to 2010, the proportion of exports to the United States gradually declined to around 5%, while exports to India steadily increased to approximately 7%. By 2012, the United States’ share of Australian exports slightly rebounded to about 7%, whereas India experienced a slight decrease to approximately 5%.

In summary, while there were fluctuations in export percentages to the United States and India, the trends were more pronounced for exports to Japan and China, with China emerging as the dominant recipient of Australian exports by the end of the period.