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The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph illustrates the items in Australia is exported to 4 different countries over a period of 22 years from 1990.

It is clear that while the proportion of Australian exports to China and India increased, the figures for Japan and the US had an opposite trend. Furthermore, the percentage of items which were transported to Japan was highest, whereas the opposite was recorded in India throughout a given period.

First of all, the proportion of goods transported in Japan decreased significantly from 25% in 1990 to approximately 18% in 2017, before rising drastically to 20% in 2007. Furthermore, the figures for US exported items witnessed a slow fall from around 11% to 7% between 1990 and 2007. Meanwhile, there was an upward trend of roughly 13% in the percentage of Australian goods exporting to China from 1990 to 2007, which was doubled than the figures for items going to India with nearly 6.5% during a period.

By 2012, the amount of items delivered to Japan had dropped dramatically from 20% to 18%, before remaining unchanged. In the US, there was a downward trend of 2% in the proportion of goods from 2007 to 2012. Lastly, while the figure for Australian items transported to China grew sharply from 13% to under 30%, that proportion moving to India increased substantially by 3% to 5% during that time.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The line graph illustrates the items in Australia is exported to 4 different countries" -> "The line graph illustrates the exports from Australia to four countries"
    Explanation: The original phrase "the items in Australia is exported to" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Exports from Australia to four countries" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the subject-verb agreement and the nature of the export activity.

  2. "over a period of 22 years from 1990" -> "over a period of 22 years, from 1990"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "years" improves the sentence’s readability and clarity by separating the two clauses more effectively.

  3. "the proportion of Australian exports to China and India increased" -> "the proportion of Australian exports to China and India increased significantly"
    Explanation: Adding "significantly" enhances the description of the increase, providing a more precise and academic tone.

  4. "the figures for Japan and the US had an opposite trend" -> "the trends for Japan and the US were opposite"
    Explanation: "Were opposite" is a more precise and formal way to describe the contrast between the trends, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  5. "the percentage of items which were transported to Japan was highest" -> "the highest percentage of items was transported to Japan"
    Explanation: Reordering the phrase improves the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal, which is preferable in academic writing.

  6. "the opposite was recorded in India" -> "the opposite trend was observed in India"
    Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal and precise term than "recorded" in this context, and "trend" is more specific than "opposite," which is vague.

  7. "First of all," -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal adverb suitable for academic writing compared to the more conversational "First of all,"

  8. "the proportion of goods transported in Japan" -> "the proportion of goods exported to Japan"
    Explanation: "Exported to" is more accurate and specific than "transported in," which is incorrect and imprecise in this context.

  9. "before rising drastically to 20% in 2007" -> "before increasing significantly to 20% in 2007"
    Explanation: "Increasing significantly" is a more precise and formal way to describe the change, replacing the colloquial "rising drastically."

  10. "the figures for US exported items witnessed a slow fall" -> "the figures for US exports experienced a gradual decline"
    Explanation: "Experienced a gradual decline" is more formal and precise than "witnessed a slow fall," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  11. "there was an upward trend of roughly 13% in the percentage of Australian goods exporting to China" -> "there was a 13% increase in the proportion of Australian goods exported to China"
    Explanation: "A 13% increase" is a more direct and clear way to express the change, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "upward trend of roughly 13% in the percentage of Australian goods exporting to China."

  12. "which was doubled than the figures for items going to India" -> "which was double that of the figures for items going to India"
    Explanation: "Double that of" corrects the grammatical error and provides a clearer comparison, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.

  13. "the amount of items delivered to Japan had dropped dramatically" -> "the amount of items exported to Japan had decreased significantly"
    Explanation: "Decreased significantly" is a more formal and precise term than "dropped dramatically," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  14. "there was a downward trend of 2% in the proportion of goods" -> "there was a 2% decrease in the proportion of goods"
    Explanation: "A 2% decrease" is more direct and formal than "a downward trend of 2%," which is redundant and less precise.

  15. "that proportion moving to India increased substantially by 3% to 5%" -> "the proportion moving to India increased by 3% to 5%"
    Explanation: Removing "that" simplifies the sentence and improves clarity, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the proportion of goods transported to Japan decreased significantly from 25% in 1990 to approximately 18% in 2017, but the graph shows that the proportion decreased to approximately 18% in 2007.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. The writer should also avoid making subjective statements, such as "the figures for US exported items witnessed a slow fall." Instead, the writer should focus on presenting the data objectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While the main trends are mentioned, the explanation of data is somewhat disjointed and lacks clarity in the transitions between points. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Additionally, the writer should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and avoid repetition. Finally, organizing the essay into clear sections (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) with a logical progression of ideas will help improve the overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the information from the graph, the vocabulary used is basic and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the items in Australia is exported" instead of "the items exported from Australia." Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "the figures for US exported items witnessed a slow fall" which could be more clearly expressed. These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items that are relevant to the topic. This can be achieved by using synonyms and varying sentence structures to avoid repetition. Additionally, attention should be given to correct word forms and collocations to improve clarity and precision. Practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary in context and proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, there are also noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the items in Australia is exported" (should be "the items that Australia exports") and "the figures for US exported items witnessed a slow fall" (should be "the figures for US exports witnessed a slow fall"). These errors do not significantly impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Sentence Structure: Aim to use a wider variety of complex structures correctly. Practice combining clauses and using subordinate clauses effectively to improve the complexity of your sentences.
  2. Proofreading: Take time to proofread your work to catch minor grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. This can help reduce the frequency of errors and improve the overall accuracy of your writing.
  3. Grammar Practice: Focus on areas of grammar that are causing errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of tenses. Regular practice and feedback can help solidify your understanding and application of these rules.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the percentage of items exported from Australia to four different countries over a period of 22 years, from 1990 to 2012.

It is clear that while the proportion of Australian exports to China and India increased, the figures for Japan and the US exhibited an opposite trend. Furthermore, the percentage of items transported to Japan was the highest, whereas the lowest was recorded for India throughout the given period.

First of all, the proportion of goods exported to Japan decreased significantly from 25% in 1990 to approximately 18% in 2012, before rising slightly to 20% in 2007. Additionally, the figures for US exports witnessed a slow decline from around 11% to 7% between 1990 and 2007. Meanwhile, there was an upward trend of roughly 13% in the percentage of Australian goods exported to China from 1990 to 2007, which was double the figures for items sent to India, which stood at nearly 6.5% during the same period.

By 2012, the amount of items delivered to Japan had dropped dramatically from 20% to 18%, before remaining unchanged. In the US, there was a downward trend of 2% in the proportion of goods from 2007 to 2012. Lastly, while the figure for Australian items transported to China grew sharply from 13% to just under 30%, the proportion moving to India increased substantially by 3% to 5% during that time.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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