fbpx

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the UK from 1997 to 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology
in the UK from 1997 to 2001.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make
comparisons where relevant.

The line graph provides information about the percentage of households with five kinds of technology in the UK during the period from 1997 to 2001. Overall, all of kinds of technology saw a significant increase in households using in this period.
The technology that was the most popularity was CD player as 60 percent of households contained it in 1997, rolling up to 80 percent in the last year of this period, maintaining the highest percent among five kinds. While Internet hold the percentage of 10% in 1997, the lowest point in the graph, it rose up doubly in 1998 before staying unchanged in the next two years and considerably leap to 60 percent in the rest of this period, staying 4th position in 2001.
The percentage of DVD player was around 25 percent before considerably decreasing to about 15 percent in 1998. The figure offsetted and rose to 50 percent in the end of this period.
Computer doubled the telephone in the percentage of household in 1997, respectively 40 and 20 percent. While Telephone stayed unchanged in the next year, the figure of computer increased by 5% then both of them raised significantly until 2001, with 75 and 70 percent, respectively.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "all of kinds of technology" -> "all types of technology"
    Explanation: "All types of technology" is more concise and grammatically correct, as "kinds" is redundant when "all" is used.

  2. "the most popularity" -> "the most popular"
    Explanation: "Most popular" is the correct adjective form to describe something that is favored or widely used, while "most popularity" is an awkward construction.

  3. "contained it" -> "had it"
    Explanation: "Had it" is a more natural and straightforward way to express possession in this context, while "contained it" sounds overly formal and less common.

  4. "rolling up to" -> "increasing to"
    Explanation: "Increasing to" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the rise in percentage, whereas "rolling up to" is informal and vague.

  5. "the lowest point in the graph" -> "the lowest percentage in the graph"
    Explanation: Specifying "percentage" clarifies what is being referred to, enhancing precision.

  6. "rose up doubly" -> "doubled"
    Explanation: "Doubled" is a more precise term that clearly indicates that the percentage increased twofold, while "rose up doubly" is awkward and less formal.

  7. "considerably leap" -> "considerably increased"
    Explanation: "Considerably increased" is a more appropriate and formal phrase to describe a significant rise, while "leap" is informal and can be misinterpreted.

  8. "staying 4th position" -> "remaining in fourth position"
    Explanation: "Remaining in fourth position" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of maintaining a rank.

  9. "the percentage of DVD player" -> "the percentage of DVD players"
    Explanation: "DVD players" should be plural to match the context of discussing multiple households possessing the technology.

  10. "considerably decreasing" -> "significantly decreased"
    Explanation: "Significantly decreased" is a more formal and precise way to describe a notable drop in percentage.

  11. "The figure offsetted" -> "The figure recovered"
    Explanation: "Recovered" accurately conveys the idea of returning to a previous level, while "offsetted" is not a standard term in this context.

  12. "doubled the telephone in the percentage of household" -> "doubled that of the telephone in household percentage"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison being made, improving grammatical structure and precision.

  13. "respectively 40 and 20 percent" -> "40 percent and 20 percent, respectively"
    Explanation: This reordering improves clarity by placing the percentages directly after their corresponding items, which is a more conventional structure in academic writing.

  14. "stayed unchanged in the next year" -> "remained unchanged in the following year"
    Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is a more formal expression, and "following year" is clearer than "next year" in an academic context.

  15. "the figure of computer increased by 5%" -> "the percentage of computers increased by 5%"
    Explanation: Specifying "the percentage of computers" clarifies what is being measured, enhancing precision.

  16. "both of them raised significantly" -> "both increased significantly"
    Explanation: "Increased" is a more appropriate verb in this context, while "raised" is typically used with a subject that does the raising, not for describing changes in statistics.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "The technology that was the most popularity was CD player" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "Internet hold the percentage of 10% in 1997, the lowest point in the graph." This statement is not relevant to the overall trend of the graph.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. The essay could also be made more concise by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that "CD players were the most popular technology in 1997, with 60% of households owning one." This statement is more concise and provides specific data to support the claim.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression of the data from the graph. It provides a general overview and details about the percentage of households with various technologies. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with instances of awkward phrasing and unclear references. For example, phrases like "the technology that was the most popularity" and "the figure offsetted" indicate issues with language use that detract from clarity. Additionally, while the essay attempts to use paragraphing, it does not always do so logically, leading to some confusion in the flow of information.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Improving sentence structure and clarity will also help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs that clearly separate different technologies or trends would improve overall readability and logical flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "percentage," "households," and "technology." However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the most popularity" instead of "the most popular," and "considerably leap" instead of "considerably leaped." Additionally, phrases like "the lowest point in the graph" and "the figure offsetted" show some awkwardness in expression. There are also errors in spelling and word formation, such as "hold" instead of "held" and "rolling up" which is not a standard expression in this context. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms and collocations. Additionally, varying sentence structures and improving the overall fluency of the writing would enhance the lexical resource. Practicing with less common vocabulary and ensuring accurate usage will also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors present, such as "the most popularity" (should be "the most popular") and "hold the percentage" (should be "held the percentage"). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do indicate a lack of control over grammar and punctuation. The essay also lacks some clarity in certain comparisons, which could confuse the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Enhancing Grammatical Accuracy: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
  2. Increasing Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility and control.
  3. Improving Clarity: Ensure that comparisons are clearly articulated and that the relationships between data points are easy to understand. This could involve using more precise language and clearer transitions between ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides information about the percentage of households with five types of technology in the UK during the period from 1997 to 2001. Overall, all types of technology experienced a significant increase in household usage during this period.

The technology that was the most popular was the CD player, with 60 percent of households owning one in 1997, rising to 80 percent by the end of the period, thus maintaining the highest percentage among the five types. In contrast, the Internet had the lowest percentage at 10% in 1997. However, it doubled in 1998 before remaining unchanged for the next two years, then making a considerable leap to 60 percent by the end of the period, securing the fourth position in 2001.

The percentage of households with DVD players started at around 25 percent before experiencing a significant decrease to about 15 percent in 1998. This figure then rebounded, rising to 50 percent by the end of the period.

In 1997, the percentage of households with computers was double that of those with telephones, at 40 and 20 percent, respectively. While the percentage of telephones remained unchanged in the following year, the figure for computers increased by 5%. Both technologies then saw significant growth until 2001, reaching 75 and 70 percent, respectively.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này