The graph below shows the percentage of self employed workers of the total workforce in five countries in 1998 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart compares the proportion of people working for themselves in five different countries in 1998 and 2008.

Overall, it is clear that Turkey had the highest percentage of self employed workers in both years, whereas the opposite was seen in Russian republic during the given period.

In detail, Turkey had reached its peak at nearly 57% before declining sharply to 39% in 2008. Followed by Greece, which witnessed the second highest percent of freelancers in 1998, then decreased to approximately 43% ten years later.

On the other hand, the figures for both the Russian republic and Slovakia were all below 10% in 1998, then increased slightly, roughly 5% to 7% and 6% to 12%, respectively, after ten years. While the quantity of self employed workers in Czech republic was little more than 10% in 1998 and only 15% in 2008.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"people working for themselves" -> "self-employed individuals"
Explanation: "Self-employed individuals" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes those who work for themselves.
"had reached its peak" -> "peaked"
Explanation: "Peaked" is a concise and appropriate verb choice to indicate the highest point reached by Turkey’s percentage of self-employed workers.
"witnessed the second highest percent" -> "had the second highest percentage"
Explanation: "Had the second highest percentage" is grammatically correct and clearer than "witnessed the second highest percent."
"the figures for both" -> "the proportions for both"
Explanation: "Proportions" is a more precise term to refer to the percentages being discussed in the context of the bar chart.
"little more than" -> "slightly over"
Explanation: "Slightly over" is a more sophisticated and precise way to indicate a small margin above a certain value.
"quantity" -> "proportion"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more appropriate in this context to refer to the percentage of self-employed workers, rather than "quantity," which implies a countable amount.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons between the countries and years. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in self-employment percentages across the five countries and two time periods.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could further extend the presentation of key features by providing more detailed analysis or interpretation of the data. Additionally, ensuring the accuracy of the information presented would strengthen the overall response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates clear coherence and cohesion throughout. It logically organizes information by introducing the main features in the introduction and then providing detailed comparisons in subsequent paragraphs. Each paragraph focuses on a different country, presenting a clear central topic within each. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence, such as transitional phrases ("Overall," "In detail," "On the other hand"). The progression of ideas is evident, as the essay moves smoothly from discussing overall trends to specific country comparisons.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider incorporating more varied cohesive devices and transitions to ensure a seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are consistently clear and appropriate throughout the essay. Finally, pay attention to the logical arrangement of paragraphs to strengthen overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information. There is appropriate use of less common lexical items, such as "freelancers," "proportion," and "witnessed." Additionally, the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "reached its peak," "declining sharply," and "witnessed the second highest percent." While occasional errors in word choice occur ("quantity of self-employed workers" would be more accurate as "proportion of self-employed workers"), they do not significantly impede understanding. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, contributing to clear communication.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly in describing trends and making comparisons. Additionally, strive for more precise word choices and pay close attention to collocation patterns to strengthen the fluency and sophistication of expression. Finally, proofread carefully to eliminate any minor errors in spelling or word formation that may distract the reader.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex sentence forms to present information coherently. There is a clear attempt to use a range of structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication of ideas. The essay effectively summarizes the information provided in the graph, highlighting key trends and making relevant comparisons between the countries and across the years.

How to improve: To improve further, strive for even greater accuracy and flexibility in the use of grammatical structures. While the essay generally maintains good control over grammar and punctuation, there are occasional errors that slightly affect clarity. Reviewing sentence structures and paying attention to precision in language use can help minimize these errors and enhance the overall coherence and fluency of the essay. Additionally, varying the complexity of sentence structures further could add depth to the analysis.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of individuals engaged in self-employment across five distinct nations in the years 1998 and 2008.

Upon analysis, it is evident that Turkey boasted the highest percentage of self-employed individuals in both the aforementioned years. Conversely, the Russian republic exhibited the lowest percentage during the specified timeframe.

Delving into specifics, Turkey peaked at nearly 57% in 1998 before experiencing a notable decline to 39% by 2008. Greece followed closely behind, recording the second highest proportion of freelancers in 1998, which subsequently decreased to approximately 43% after a decade.

In contrast, both the Russian republic and Slovakia depicted figures below 10% in 1998, which witnessed marginal increases to approximately 5% to 7% and 6% to 12%, respectively, by 2008. Meanwhile, the Czech republic illustrated a modest rise from slightly above 10% in 1998 to only 15% by 2008.