The graph below shows the percentages of tourists who used different types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have used more than one type of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the percentages of tourists who used different types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have used more than one type of transport.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The diagram illustrates the proportion of travelers who traveled by different types of transport in a specific country from 1989 to 2009.

Overall, there was an increase in the percentages of people who traveled by all means of transport, while the number of people commuted by plane saw a gradual decline. In addition, people traveling by Ferry generally had the lowest figure throughout the period.

The percentage of tourists using cars was about 50%, after which it saw a significant rise to hit a peak at roughly 60% in 1999 before ending with a decline to just above 50% in the end of the years examined. Train was the second most common transport used by people. The figure for people using them started at nearly 30% before it doubled itself by the end of the period. Conversely, the figure for tourists using airway transport declined gradually from shy of 40% in 1989 to north of 20% by the end of the period.

Approximately 10% of traveling people used the coach as a means of transport, with a subsequent increase to about 25% by the end of the period. Similar changes, but to a lesser extent, were seen in the figure for people using Ferry, which grew from about 3% at start to just over 10% in 2004, ending with a slight decrease to roughly 9% in 2009.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "percentages of people" -> "proportions of individuals"
   Explanation: Replacing "percentages of people" with "proportions of individuals" provides a more precise and formal expression, aligning with the context of statistical analysis.
2. "commuted by plane" -> "traveled by air"
   Explanation: "Commuted by plane" is more commonly used to describe daily travel to work. "Traveled by air" is a more appropriate and general term for leisure or business trips.
3. "Tourists using cars" -> "Travelers opting for automobiles"
   Explanation: "Tourists using cars" is somewhat repetitive and could be refined for variety. "Travelers opting for automobiles" maintains clarity while introducing a more diverse vocabulary.
4. "Train was the second most common transport used by people." -> "Trains ranked as the second most popular mode of transportation."
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and conciseness, while "ranked as" adds a more formal tone.
5. "doubled itself" -> "doubled"
   Explanation: "Doubled itself" is redundant; "doubled" suffices to convey the idea of multiplication by two.
6. "north of 20%" -> "above 20%"
   Explanation: "North of" is colloquial; "above" is more formal and appropriate for academic or professional contexts.
7. "Approximately 10% of traveling people" -> "Around 10% of travelers"
   Explanation: "Traveling people" is slightly awkward; "travelers" is a more common and succinct term.
8. "Similar changes, but to a lesser extent" -> "Comparable trends, albeit less pronounced"
   Explanation: "Similar changes" is repetitive and can be replaced with "comparable trends." "Albeit less pronounced" adds sophistication by conveying the idea of reduced intensity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons between the different modes of transport over the given period. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in transportation usage, highlighting the increase in the percentages of people using various means of transport, while noting the gradual decline in air travel. Key features such as the dominance of cars, the growth in train and coach usage, and the relatively low usage of ferries are appropriately highlighted.
How to improve: To further enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, the essay could extend its analysis by providing more specific details or trends, such as any fluctuations within the observed periods, without adding irrelevant information. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons between different modes of transport are made consistently and thoroughly would strengthen the essay’s coherence and clarity. Moreover, maintaining a consistent level of formality and accuracy in language use throughout the essay would contribute to a more polished presentation.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, such as the overall trend, individual modes of transport, and their respective percentages. The essay effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas, ensuring smooth transitions between different parts of the essay. Additionally, the central topic of each paragraph is clearly presented, aiding in coherence and cohesion.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying the sentence structure more to avoid repetitive phrasing. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Finally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph is logically structured and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying information about the percentages of tourists using different modes of transport. There is usage of less common lexical items such as "commuted," "shy of," and "north of," which adds to the sophistication of the language. The essay also exhibits awareness of style and collocation, particularly evident in phrases like "hit a peak," "gradual decline," and "significant rise." While there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, they do not significantly hinder comprehension.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance precision and sophistication. Additionally, pay attention to accuracy in word choice and collocation to minimize occasional errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which aligns with Band 6 criteria. The writer successfully conveys the main trends in the graph, including overall increases in travel percentages and the decline in air travel. The use of various sentence structures contributes to the clarity of the presentation. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as missing commas and inconsistent verb tenses. Despite these errors, they do not significantly hinder comprehension.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on more precise punctuation usage and consistent verb tense usage. Additionally, varying the sentence structures further could add sophistication to the essay while minimizing errors. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy before submission is crucial to ensure clarity and coherence in conveying the information.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram depicts the percentages of tourists utilizing different transport modes in a particular country from 1989 to 2009.

It is evident that there was a general increase in the use of all transportation forms over the 20-year period, except for air travel, which experienced a steady decrease. The lowest usage rates throughout this timeframe were for ferries.

In detail, the proportion of tourists traveling by car initially stood at about 50%. This figure rose significantly to peak at approximately 60% in 1999, before experiencing a slight decline to just above 50% by the end of the period reviewed. Train travel, the second most popular mode of transport, saw its usage start at nearly 30% and subsequently doubled by 2009. In contrast, air travel, which began just shy of 40% in 1989, declined gradually to slightly above 20% by 2009.

Furthermore, about 10% of tourists used coaches as their mode of transport initially, with this figure increasing to about 25% by 2009. The percentage of tourists using ferries, while smaller, started at approximately 3%, rose to just over 10% by 2004, and concluded with a minor drop to around 9% in 2009.

Overall, the data indicate varied trends in the preferred modes of transport among tourists over the two decades, with the most substantial growth observed in train travel and the most significant decline in air travel.