The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010

The line graph compare the amount of travel commuted in the UK every day of 3 different vehicles from 1970 to 2030
Overall, the average number of UK commuter travelling each day by car and train increase while the figure for bus decrease. In addition , of the three vehicles, the amount of people travelling was the highest in each year
In 1970, UK commuter travelling each day by car stood at 5 millions, the figure then significantly rose to 7 in 2000 before remaining relatively stable until 2010. Train show a similar pattern, from 1970 to 2000, train commuter increase from 2 to 3 millions then also unchange in 2010. The number of both commuter by car and train also rose significant from 7 and 3 to 8 and 4,5 in 2024, respectively, before arre anticipated to rose a little bit in 2030
Turning to the bus, from 1970 to 1980, the number off UK commuter travelling each day by this vehicle unchanged at 4 % then this figures declined significantly from 4 % to over 3% in 2024 and then arre expect to see a decrease to nearly 3 % in 2023

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"compare" -> "compares"
Explanation: The subject "line graph" is singular, requiring the singular verb "compares" for grammatical agreement.
"the amount of travel commuted" -> "the volume of daily commutes"
Explanation: "Volume" is a more precise term than "amount," and "daily commutes" clarifies the context of travel, making it more formal and specific.
"travelling each day by car and train increase" -> "traveling each day by car and train increases"
Explanation: The subject "the average number" is singular, so the verb should be "increases" for grammatical consistency.
"the figure for bus decrease" -> "the figure for buses decreases"
Explanation: "Buses" is the correct plural form, and "decreases" agrees with the singular subject "the figure."
"amount of people travelling" -> "number of individuals traveling"
Explanation: "Number" is more appropriate than "amount" when referring to countable entities like people, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"stood at 5 millions" -> "stood at 5 million"
Explanation: "Million" should be singular when used with a specific number.
"rose to 7 in 2000" -> "rose to 7 million in 2000"
Explanation: Specifying "million" clarifies the unit of measurement, enhancing precision.
"remained relatively stable until 2010" -> "remained relatively stable until 2010"
Explanation: This phrase is appropriate as is, but consider "remained stable" for conciseness.
"show a similar pattern" -> "shows a similar pattern"
Explanation: The subject "train" is singular, so it requires the singular verb "shows" for grammatical agreement.
"commuter increase from 2 to 3 millions" -> "commuters increased from 2 million to 3 million"
Explanation: "Commuters" is the correct plural form, and "increased" is the appropriate past tense verb. "Million" should be singular when used with a specific number.
"also unchange in 2010" -> "also remained unchanged in 2010"
Explanation: "Unchanged" is the correct adjective form, and "remained" is a more formal verb choice.
"rose significant from 7 and 3 to 8 and 4,5" -> "rose significantly from 7 million and 3 million to 8 million and 4.5 million"
Explanation: "Significantly" is the correct adverb form, and specifying "million" enhances clarity.
"before arre anticipated to rose a little bit in 2030" -> "before they are anticipated to rise slightly in 2030"
Explanation: "They" clarifies the subject, "are" is the correct form of the verb, and "slightly" is a more formal alternative to "a little bit."
"the number off UK commuter travelling each day by this vehicle unchanged at 4 %" -> "the number of UK commuters traveling each day by this vehicle remained unchanged at 4%"
Explanation: "Of" should be corrected to "of," and "remained" is more precise than "unchanged" when discussing a state over time.
"this figures declined significantly from 4 % to over 3% in 2024" -> "this figure declined significantly from 4% to over 3% in 2024"
Explanation: "Figure" should be singular to match "this," and the percentage format should be consistent.
"then arre expect to see a decrease to nearly 3 % in 2023" -> "and is expected to see a decrease to nearly 3% in 2023"
Explanation: "Is expected" corrects the verb form, and "and" provides a smoother transition between ideas.

These changes enhance the academic tone, precision, and clarity of the essay while maintaining a natural flow.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation: The essay does not address the task. The essay describes a different graph than the one provided in the prompt. The essay also contains several grammatical errors and does not present a clear overview of the data.

How to improve: The essay should be rewritten to accurately describe the graph provided in the prompt. The essay should also be written in a clear and concise manner, with correct grammar and punctuation. The essay should present a clear overview of the data, highlighting the main trends and features.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The introduction incorrectly describes the graph’s subject, which leads to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, resulting in a lack of clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, with no clear separation of ideas or logical flow between sentences.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should ensure that the introduction accurately reflects the graph’s content. Clear topic sentences should be used to introduce each paragraph, and logical connectors should be employed to link ideas effectively. Improving the accuracy of data presentation and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the graph will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the graph, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "commuted" instead of "commuting," "increase" instead of "increases," and "significant" instead of "significantly." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. The overall lexical resource does not extend beyond basic vocabulary, which is characteristic of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that these words are used accurately in context. Additionally, focusing on spelling and grammatical accuracy will help improve clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated and precise expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, which can cause difficulty for the reader. Punctuation issues are also present, affecting clarity. While the overall message can be understood, the errors detract from the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the grammatical range.
Grammar Accuracy: Review and correct frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve clarity and readability.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct any minor errors that may occur.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph compares the amount of travel commuted in the UK every day by three different vehicles from 1970 to 2030. Overall, the average number of UK commuters traveling each day by car and train increases, while the figure for buses decreases. In addition, of the three vehicles, the number of people traveling was the highest each year.

In 1970, UK commuters traveling each day by car stood at 5 million; the figure then significantly rose to 7 million in 2000 before remaining relatively stable until 2010. Train travel showed a similar pattern; from 1970 to 2000, train commuters increased from 2 million to 3 million, then also remained unchanged in 2010. The number of commuters by car and train also rose significantly from 7 million and 3 million to 8 million and 4.5 million in 2024, respectively, before being anticipated to rise slightly in 2030.

Turning to buses, from 1970 to 1980, the number of UK commuters traveling each day by this vehicle remained unchanged at 4 million. However, this figure declined significantly from 4 million to over 3 million in 2024, and then is expected to decrease to nearly 3 million in 2030.

The graph below shows US consumers’ average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010