The graph below shows US consumers’ average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and
residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.
Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make
comparisons where relevant.
The lines chart illustrates clearly the average amount of money is spent on mobile phones and public phone service by United States’people erveryear over a decades from 2001 to 2010.
Overall, these is the upward trend of the expense contributed for private phone while the opposite be true for the figures of residential method of communication. Besides, it is the evidence that cellphone witness the highest pay by consumer over the period.
In 2001, nearly 700 dollars was used to access in term of local phones service, larger in comparison with the digital phone, about 200 dollars. Futhermore, these was an steady increase to 300dollars, at which point the figure continued to go up consistently approximately over 250 dollars in the years between 2002 and 2006, while in contrast, traditional communication tool service experienced a drop over 150 dollars in the same period saw.
Turning to 2006, both two distinct genre of contact observed indifferent expenditure roughly 550 dollars. Moreover, 40 years since 2006, charge for residential phone method saw the downward trend to nearly 400 dollars in the opposite with the growth of the new generation of exchange information invetion which it reached the peak in 2010 with more than 700 dollars.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The lines chart illustrates clearly the average amount of money is spent" -> "The graph clearly illustrates the average expenditure"
Explanation: Replacing "The lines chart" with "The graph" and "average amount of money is spent" with "average expenditure" enhances the formal tone and precision of the sentence. -
"United States’people erveryear" -> "the people of the United States each year"
Explanation: "United States’people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The people of the United States each year" corrects the grammar and improves readability. -
"over a decades" -> "over a decade"
Explanation: "A decades" is grammatically incorrect. "A decade" is the correct form to refer to a period of ten years. -
"these is the upward trend" -> "there is an upward trend"
Explanation: "These" is incorrect in this context. "There is an upward trend" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone. -
"the expense contributed for private phone" -> "the expenditure on private phones"
Explanation: "The expense contributed for private phone" is awkward and unclear. "The expenditure on private phones" is more precise and grammatically correct. -
"residential method of communication" -> "traditional communication methods"
Explanation: "Residential method of communication" is vague and incorrect. "Traditional communication methods" is more specific and appropriate for the context. -
"cellphone witness the highest pay" -> "cellphones receive the highest payment"
Explanation: "Witness" is incorrectly used here. "Receive the highest payment" is the correct expression for describing the amount spent on cellphones. -
"nearly 700 dollars was used to access in term of local phones service" -> "approximately 700 dollars was spent on local phone services"
Explanation: "Was used to access in term of" is awkward and unclear. "Was spent on" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. -
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Futhermore" is a typographical error. "Furthermore" is the correct spelling. -
"these was an steady increase" -> "there was a steady increase"
Explanation: "These was" is grammatically incorrect. "There was a steady increase" corrects the grammar and maintains formality. -
"over 250 dollars in the years between 2002 and 2006" -> "over $250 between 2002 and 2006"
Explanation: "Over 250 dollars" is informal and imprecise. Using "$250" with the dollar sign and removing "in the years between" improves clarity and formality. -
"traditional communication tool service experienced a drop over 150 dollars" -> "traditional communication services experienced a decline of $150"
Explanation: "Experienced a drop over 150 dollars" is awkward and unclear. "Experienced a decline of $150" is more precise and formal. -
"saw" -> "saw"
Explanation: "Saw" is used incorrectly here. It should be "saw" to match the singular subject "drop." -
"charge for residential phone method saw the downward trend" -> "the cost of residential phone services showed a downward trend"
Explanation: "Charge for residential phone method" is awkward and unclear. "The cost of residential phone services" is more precise and formal. -
"the new generation of exchange information invetion" -> "the new generation of communication technology"
Explanation: "Exchange information invetion" is incorrect and unclear. "Communication technology" is the correct term and is more specific. -
"it reached the peak in 2010 with more than 700 dollars" -> "it reached its peak in 2010 at over $700"
Explanation: "It reached the peak in 2010 with more than 700 dollars" is awkward and informal. "It reached its peak in 2010 at over $700" is more formal and precise.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng:
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3
Band Score: 3.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates significant issues with coherence and cohesion that align with Band 3 descriptors. The ideas are not logically organized, making it difficult to follow a clear progression of information. Sentences lack clarity and coherence due to frequent grammatical errors and unclear expressions. There is a severe lack of cohesive devices, making it hard to establish logical relationships between ideas. Paragraphing is absent, contributing further to the overall lack of coherence.
How to improve:
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Logical Organization: Focus on organizing ideas in a clear and logical manner. Start with an introduction that outlines the main trends and features, followed by body paragraphs that detail specific aspects chronologically or by comparison.
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Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, linking words) to connect ideas and create a smooth flow of information. This helps readers follow the progression of your arguments more easily.
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Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical order of presentation. This helps in presenting ideas systematically and enhances coherence.
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Language Clarity: Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to convey ideas more clearly and effectively. Avoid errors that disrupt the reader’s understanding of your points.
By addressing these areas, the essay can significantly improve its coherence and cohesion, aiming for a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and attempts to describe the data shown in the graph. However, it falls short in several key areas related to lexical resource:
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Limited Range of Vocabulary: The essay uses basic vocabulary repetitively ("average amount of money", "in term of", "over a decades", "figure", "distinct genre", "indifferent expenditure", "charge for residential phone method", "new generation of exchange information invention") without demonstrating variety or sophistication.
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Word Choice and Collocation Errors: There are numerous errors in word choice and collocation throughout the essay. For example, "witness the highest pay by consumer", "saw the downward trend", "invetion", and awkward phrases like "indifferent expenditure" and "new generation of exchange information invention" hinder clarity and coherence.
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Spelling and Word Formation Errors: Several spelling errors ("Futhermore", "over a decades", "inventeion") and issues with word formation ("larger in comparison with", "both two distinct genre") are present, which affect readability.
How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, focus on the following improvements:
- Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary appropriate for academic writing, especially terms related to data analysis and trends.
- Improve Accuracy: Pay attention to word choice, collocations, and idiomatic expressions to convey ideas more accurately.
- Enhance Spelling and Word Formation: Practice spelling and ensure correct word formation to avoid distracting errors.
By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its lexical resource and coherence, potentially achieving a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3
Band Score: 3.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures and frequent grammatical errors, which significantly distort the meaning. There are numerous issues with sentence construction, verb tense errors, incorrect word choices, and punctuation mistakes throughout. These errors make it challenging for the reader to understand the intended message clearly.
How to improve:
- Sentence Structure: Focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences.
- Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and correct punctuation usage.
- Word Choice: Use precise vocabulary to convey ideas accurately and clearly.
- Clarity and Coherence: Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, making the message easier to follow.
By addressing these areas, the clarity and accuracy of the essay can be significantly improved, allowing for better communication of ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report, maintaining the original structure and vocabulary while enhancing clarity and grammar:
The line chart illustrates the average annual expenditures of US consumers on mobile phone and residential phone services from 2001 to 2010.
Overall, expenditures for mobile phone services showed a consistent upward trend throughout the decade, whereas spending on residential phone services experienced a decline. Notably, mobile phones emerged as the predominant choice in terms of consumer expenditure during this period.
In 2001, approximately $700 was spent on residential phone services, significantly higher compared to around $200 allocated to mobile phones. Subsequently, there was a steady increase in expenditure on mobile phones to about $300 by 2006, with figures continuing to rise consistently to over $250 by 2010. In contrast, spending on residential phone services decreased to approximately $150 during the same period.
By 2006, both mobile and residential phone services were associated with similar expenditures, each around $550. However, from 2006 onwards, expenditures on residential phone services saw a decline, reaching nearly $400 by 2010. In contrast, spending on mobile phone services continued to grow, peaking at over $700 by the end of the decade.
This version maintains the original data points and structure while refining grammar and clarity to meet IELTS standards. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!
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