the graph compares the percentage of international and the percentage of uk students gaining decond class degrees or better at a major UK university.

The bar chart illustrates both the proportion of international and British learners achieving Master’s degrees or higher at a major university in England in 2009. There are eight majors surveyed: nursing, electrical engineering, information technology, english literature, art history, accountancy, international law and sociology.
Overall, whereas postgraduates around the world had a higher diploma most in the technology-related major which was totally disimilar with British learners, the majority of UK respondents succeeded most in art history or sociology. Additionally, international law disciplines had the lowest rate in worldwide students graduating in higher education.
It is clear that both nursing and accountancy majors despite having different numbers of postgraduates, the rate of home and foreign students acquiring higher degrees was equal (78 percent and 60 percent respectively). Likewise, the proportion of surveyed learners majoring in art history and sociology were equivalent with 80 percent of British students and over 70 percent of international students with a greater ratio inclining towards sociology. 80 percent also was the rate of foreign students graduating electrical engineering which was 20 percent more than the other group.
In addition, in English literature disciplines, there was more than a large majority of British learners and approximately 60 percent of foreign students gaining higher degrees. Moreover, while international students showed they did better at the technology-based programmes (nearly 90 percent, the highest rate in the graph), the proportion of these students was lowest of all data in international law programmes (just over 40 percent).

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"totally disimilar" -> "completely different"
Explanation: "Disimilar" is not a standard word in English. "Completely different" is a more precise and formal phrase that conveys the intended meaning effectively.
"postgraduates around the world had a higher diploma most in the technology-related major" -> "international postgraduates showed the highest attainment in technology-related fields"
Explanation: "Had a higher diploma most" is awkward and unclear. "Attainment" is a more formal term here, and "technology-related fields" is a clearer and more precise phrase.
"proportion of surveyed learners majoring" -> "percentage of respondents majoring"
Explanation: "Proportion" is correctly used but "percentage" is more precise in this context. "Surveyed learners" can be replaced with "respondents" for a more formal tone.
"over 70 percent of international students with a greater ratio inclining towards sociology" -> "over 70 percent of international students, with a higher percentage leaning towards sociology"
Explanation: "Ratio inclining towards" is not idiomatic. "Higher percentage" is clearer and more standard. Also, "leaning towards" is a better choice than "inclining towards" for describing a preference.
"80 percent also was the rate of foreign students graduating electrical engineering which was 20 percent more than the other group" -> "Foreign students achieved an 80 percent graduation rate in electrical engineering, surpassing the other group by 20 percent"
Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat convoluted. Reorganizing and clarifying the comparison helps improve readability and precision.
"while international students showed they did better at the technology-based programmes (nearly 90 percent, the highest rate in the graph)" -> "international students excelled in technology-based programs (achieving nearly 90 percent, the highest rate depicted)"
Explanation: "Showed they did better" is informal. "Excelled" is a stronger and more precise verb. "Achieving" is clearer than "the highest rate in the graph" for specifying the data point.
"the proportion of these students was lowest of all data in international law programmes (just over 40 percent)" -> "the proportion of students in international law programs was the lowest among all disciplines (slightly over 40 percent)"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat awkward and lacks clarity. Rearranging and specifying "among all disciplines" improves the sentence’s clarity.

By addressing these improvements, the essay becomes more precise, clearer in its expression, and maintains a formal tone suitable for an academic or professional context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to address the task by describing the comparison between international and UK students obtaining second class degrees or higher at a UK university in 2009. It provides some key features such as percentages in various majors, though the presentation lacks clarity and coherence. The information is somewhat mechanical and lacks a clear overview or structure. There are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the data presentation, such as the statement that "international students showed they did better at the technology-based programmes (nearly 90 percent, the highest rate in the graph)" which contradicts the earlier statement that British students had the highest rate in art history and sociology. The format and language are also inappropriate at times, affecting overall coherence and clarity.

How to improve:

Clarity and Structure: Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the main trends and groups the information logically.
Accuracy: Double-check data and ensure consistency in statements throughout the essay.
Language and Grammar: Use appropriate academic language and ensure sentences are grammatically correct for better clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. It attempts to describe the data from the graph but lacks clarity and coherence in connecting ideas. There are issues with cohesion as cohesive devices are either inadequate or inaccurately used. Paragraphing is attempted, but it is not consistently logical or effective, which affects the overall readability and flow of the essay.

How to improve:

Structure and Progression: Ensure a clear introduction that outlines what the graph shows and how the essay will be structured. Organize the body paragraphs logically by grouping related information together.
Cohesion: Use cohesive devices (like pronouns, linking words, etc.) effectively to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive sentence structures and strive for variety.
Paragraphing: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea related to the data presented. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the overall topic.
Clarity and Accuracy: Aim for accuracy in presenting data. Ensure that comparisons and descriptions are clear and supported by the information from the graph.
Language Use: Work on sentence structure and vocabulary to improve clarity and coherence. Avoid errors in grammar and word choice to enhance readability.

By focusing on these aspects, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to a more effective communication of the data presented in the graph.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, though it is minimally adequate. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, "decond" instead of "second," "most in the technology-related major which was totally disimilar" instead of "most notably in the technology-related majors which were distinctly different," and "equivalent with 80 percent of British students and over 70 percent of international students with a greater ratio inclining towards sociology" lacks clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and fluently.
Accuracy: Pay attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to minimize errors that can affect clarity and reader comprehension.
Complexity: Aim for more sophisticated sentence structures and expressions to enhance the overall quality of lexical resource.

Improving these aspects will help achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, closer to the intended communication clarity and precision expected at higher IELTS bands.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but significant grammatical errors and inaccuracies are present throughout the text. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ("postgraduates around the world had a higher diploma"), awkward phrasing ("which was totally disimilar with British learners"), and punctuation errors (missing commas and incorrect placement). These errors and inaccuracies affect the clarity and coherence of the essay, making it challenging for the reader to understand the intended message at times.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Focus on using more accurate and varied sentence structures. Avoid overly complex sentences if they lead to grammatical errors.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles ("a major UK university" instead of "a major university in England"), and proper punctuation (commas, periods).
Clarity and Accuracy: Ensure that each sentence is clear and conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity or confusion.

Improving these areas will help elevate the grammatical range and accuracy of the essay towards higher bands.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here is an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report with minimal alterations to the original structures, focusing on enhancing clarity, accuracy, and coherence:

The bar chart depicts the percentages of international and UK students achieving postgraduate degrees or higher at a major university in England in 2009 across eight different disciplines: nursing, electrical engineering, information technology, English literature, art history, accountancy, international law, and sociology.

Overall, while global postgraduates excelled predominantly in technology-related fields, a trend sharply contrasting with British students, UK learners showed highest success rates in art history and sociology. Conversely, international law recorded the lowest graduation rates among global students.

In nursing and accountancy, both UK and international students achieved equal success rates in higher education (78% and 60%, respectively). Similarly, art history and sociology showed comparable success rates, with over 80% of British students and more than 70% of international students achieving higher degrees, leaning slightly towards sociology. Foreign students excelled notably in electrical engineering, with an 80% graduation rate, 20% higher than that of UK students.

In English literature, a substantial majority of British students achieved higher degrees, contrasting with approximately 60% of international students. Meanwhile, international students excelled in technology-based programs, achieving nearly 90% success, the highest rate observed, whereas international law programs showed the lowest success rate among all disciplines, just over 40%.

This revision maintains the original data and vocabulary while enhancing clarity and coherence through improved sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. It aims to meet IELTS Task 1 criteria by presenting a clear and factual overview without introducing new information beyond what is provided in the original report.