the graph gives information about the percentage of the population of 4 different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

It is clear that while Malaysia and Philippines have population rate in fluctuated trend, Thailand and Indonesia are witnessed an increase trend. In addition, citizens of the Malaysian government gained a highest point while Indonesians began just more than 10% in 1970.In the period of the first 20 years, Malaysia's population overtook Philippines one just reached 40%, however; after 10 years, Philippines suddenly increased over Malaysia and reached a point of more than 40%. While both living citizens in Thailand and Indonesia still keep slightly growth until 1990, reaching approximately 20% population in cities. Whereas Malaysia's population continues to increase sharply, Philippines's liver proportion involves a negligible decrease in 20 years.Looking at the remaining years, Indonesia' citizens rate suddenly developed overtook both Thailand and Philippines's population and gained the second position in 2040 in prediction view. While, the number of citizens in Thailand and Malaysia regions remain growth which saw 80% and 50% in order.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"population rate in fluctuated trend" -> "population trends fluctuated"
Explanation: "Population rate in fluctuated trend" is not grammatically correct. "Population trends fluctuated" is a clearer and more concise way to convey the change in population over time.
"witnessed an increase trend" -> "experienced an increasing trend"
Explanation: "Witnessed an increase trend" is awkward. "Experienced an increasing trend" is a smoother and more formal way to describe the rise in population.
"citizens of the Malaysian government gained a highest point" -> "Malaysia’s population reached its peak"
Explanation: "Citizens of the Malaysian government gained a highest point" is unclear and incorrect. "Malaysia’s population reached its peak" is a more precise expression to indicate the highest population level reached.
"Indonesians began just more than 10% in 1970" -> "Indonesia started at just over 10% in 1970"
Explanation: "Indonesians began just more than 10% in 1970" is awkwardly phrased. "Indonesia started at just over 10% in 1970" is clearer and grammatically correct.
"Malaysia’s population overtook Philippines one just reached 40%" -> "Malaysia’s population surpassed that of the Philippines, reaching just 40%"
Explanation: "Malaysia’s population overtook Philippines one just reached 40%" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Malaysia’s population surpassed that of the Philippines, reaching just 40%" clarifies the comparison between the two countries’ populations.
"Philippines suddenly increased over Malaysia and reached a point of more than 40%" -> "The Philippines saw a sudden increase surpassing Malaysia, reaching over 40%"
Explanation: "Philippines suddenly increased over Malaysia and reached a point of more than 40%" lacks clarity and proper structure. "The Philippines saw a sudden increase surpassing Malaysia, reaching over 40%" improves readability and accuracy.
"While both living citizens in Thailand and Indonesia still keep slightly growth until 1990" -> "While both Thailand and Indonesia experienced slight population growth until 1990"
Explanation: "Still keep slightly growth" is grammatically incorrect. "Experienced slight population growth" is a more precise way to describe the situation.
"reaching approximately 20% population in cities" -> "reaching approximately 20% urban population"
Explanation: "Reaching approximately 20% population in cities" is awkward. "Reaching approximately 20% urban population" is a clearer and more standard phrase.
"Philippines’s liver proportion involves a negligible decrease" -> "The proportion of urban residents in the Philippines saw a negligible decrease"
Explanation: "Philippines’s liver proportion" is incorrect and unclear. "The proportion of urban residents in the Philippines saw a negligible decrease" provides a clearer description of the population change.
"Indonesia’ citizens rate suddenly developed overtook" -> "Indonesia’s population rate suddenly surpassed"
Explanation: "Indonesia’ citizens rate suddenly developed overtook" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Indonesia’s population rate suddenly surpassed" is a clearer expression of the population trend.
"the number of citizens in Thailand and Malaysia regions remain growth which saw 80% and 50% in order" -> "the population in Thailand and Malaysia regions continued to grow, reaching 80% and 50% respectively"
Explanation: "Remain growth which saw 80% and 50% in order" is unclear and incorrect. "Continued to grow, reaching 80% and 50% respectively" is a clearer and grammatically correct way to describe population increase.

By addressing these errors and suggesting more appropriate vocabulary and phrasing, the essay will become clearer and more precise in its presentation of population trends.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

[
Band Score: 4
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "Malaysia’s population overtook Philippines one just reached 40%" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that "Indonesia’s citizens rate suddenly developed overtook both Thailand and Philippines’s population and gained the second position in 2040 in prediction view" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. The essay should also avoid confusing key features/bullet points with detail.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates significant issues in coherence and cohesion. Ideas are presented in a disorganized manner with unclear progression. Sentences lack logical relationships and cohesion, making the essay difficult to follow. There is minimal use of cohesive devices, and those used do not effectively connect ideas. Paragraphing is inadequate and confusing, with no clear structure to separate different points or sections.

How to improve:

Organize Ideas Logically: Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with clear transitions between them.
Use Cohesive Devices: Introduce cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs logically.
Improve Paragraph Structure: Write in clear paragraphs where each paragraph discusses a specific aspect related to the topic. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure coherence throughout.
Avoid Repetition and Inaccuracies: Ensure accurate use of language and avoid repeating phrases unnecessarily. Use synonyms and varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and coherence.

By focusing on these areas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly improved, aligning it better with the requirements of higher band scores in IELTS Task 2 writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of vocabulary and expressions, with numerous errors in word formation, spelling, and word choice. There is minimal control over lexical features, leading to significant distortions in the message. The essay lacks fluency and precision in conveying information about the population percentages in cities across Asian countries.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary to accurately describe trends and percentages. Use a wider range of vocabulary related to demographics and statistical trends. Pay attention to word formation and spelling to avoid errors that hinder understanding. Additionally, work on sentence structure and coherence to enhance overall clarity and coherence of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at presenting information from a graph regarding urban population percentages in four Asian countries over several decades. However, there are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, which significantly impact clarity and coherence. These errors include issues with verb tenses ("are witnessed," "citizens of the Malaysian government gained"), subject-verb agreement ("Malaysia’s population overtook Philippines one just reached 40%"), and sentence structure ("While, the number of citizens in Thailand and Malaysia regions remain growth which saw 80% and 50% in order").

How to improve:

Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on using correct verb tenses consistently and ensure subject-verb agreement.
Clarity and Coherence: Use clear sentence structures to avoid confusion and improve readability.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation marks such as commas and periods to enhance readability and structure.

To improve to a higher band score, the essay needs to achieve more accurate and varied sentence structures with fewer grammatical errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report while maintaining the original structure and data points:

The graph presents data on the urban population percentages in four Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, with projections for 2030 and 2040. Overall, Malaysia and the Philippines experienced fluctuating trends, while Thailand and Indonesia showed consistent increases.

In 1970, Malaysia had the highest urban population at just over 40%, whereas Indonesia began with slightly more than 10%. Over the next two decades, Malaysia’s urban population surpassed that of the Philippines, reaching approximately 40%, while the Philippines remained stable. During this period, Thailand and Indonesia saw modest growth, reaching around 20%.

From 1990 to 2020, Malaysia’s urban population continued to rise sharply, reaching approximately 50%, while the Philippines experienced a slight decrease. Meanwhile, Indonesia’s urban population surged, surpassing both Thailand and the Philippines by 2040, with a projected urban population of around 80%. Thailand also showed significant growth, reaching an estimated 50% by 2040.

In conclusion, Malaysia and Indonesia demonstrated notable increases in urbanization over the period, whereas the Philippines experienced fluctuating urban population trends, and Thailand showed steady growth.

This revised version maintains the original data points and structure while enhancing clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy to meet IELTS Task 1 standards.