The graph gives information about the percentage of the population of four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about the percentage of the population of four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The given line chart provides information about the monthly change in the price of three metals, including copper, nickel, and zinc, in all months of 2024. Overall, the most volatile pattern can be observed with regard to nickel, as it experienced exponential surges and dramatic reductions. However, copper and zinc exhibited more stable prices, as the changes from one month to another were less significant.
The most considerable upturn occurred in the price of nickel in January, as it rose by 6% compared to the last December. Nevertheless, this surge was not sustained afterwards, as the price increased less significantly. For the first time in this year, the price dropped in June, with a 3% reduction. The decrease was not considerable in the following four months before it increased again. In the last two months of this year, the price of nickel gradually decreased by 1% in each interval.
Despite remaining stable this year, the price of zinc displayed a changing pattern that was reminiscent of the figure for nickel. It had a remarkable increase from January to February, rising by 2% before increasing at a slower rate. In June, the monthly change in price witnessed a steady decline for the first time, as this pattern proliferated similarly to what happened to nickel’s price. In the last two months, the change in price reached roughly 1.5% and 2%, offsetting a period of reductions over the past five years.
The price of copper increased by 2% from December 2013 to January 2014. In the next three months, the upturn in price was less significant. Particularly, in February, the price of this metal rose only by 1%, and in the following two months, it increased by approximately 0.5%. In May, this metal’s price witnessed a reduction for the first time, decreasing by 0.5%. A similar pattern occurred in the next month before it increased again.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given line chart" -> "The provided line chart"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing.
"the most volatile pattern" -> "the most significant fluctuations"
Explanation: "Fluctuations" is a more precise term than "pattern" in this context, as it specifically describes changes in price over time.
"experienced exponential surges and dramatic reductions" -> "exhibited exponential surges and significant reductions"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more appropriate than "experienced" when describing the behavior of data, and "significant" is more academically neutral than "dramatic."
"the changes from one month to another were less significant" -> "the changes from one month to another were relatively minor"
Explanation: "Relatively minor" is more precise and avoids the subjective term "less significant," which can imply a value judgment.
"the most considerable upturn" -> "the most substantial increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is more specific and formal than "upturn," which can be vague and less commonly used in academic contexts.
"rose by 6% compared to the last December" -> "increased by 6% compared to December"
Explanation: Removing "the last" clarifies the reference and maintains a formal tone.
"For the first time in this year" -> "This was the first instance in 2024"
Explanation: "This was the first instance in 2024" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "in this year."
"the price dropped in June, with a 3% reduction" -> "the price decreased by 3% in June"
Explanation: "Decreased by" is more direct and formal than "dropped," which can be seen as too informal for academic writing.
"the decrease was not considerable" -> "the decrease was modest"
Explanation: "Modest" is a more precise and formal term than "considerable," which can be vague and subjective.
"the price of zinc displayed a changing pattern" -> "the price of zinc exhibited a dynamic pattern"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more appropriate for describing the behavior of data, and "dynamic" is a more precise term than "changing."
"remarkable increase" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more neutral term than "remarkable," which can carry an emotional connotation.
"offsetting a period of reductions over the past five years" -> "offsetting a period of decline over the past five years"
Explanation: "Decline" is more specific and formal than "reductions," which can be vague and less precise.
"The price of copper increased by 2% from December 2013 to January 2014" -> "The price of copper rose by 2% from December 2013 to January 2014"
Explanation: "Rose" is a more formal synonym for "increased," and specifying the exact dates adds clarity and precision.
"the upturn in price was less significant" -> "the increase in price was less pronounced"
Explanation: "Less pronounced" is a more formal and precise term than "less significant," which can be vague and subjective.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay does not address the task. The essay describes the information presented in the line graph but does not summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. The essay focuses on the details of the graph rather than providing an overview of the main trends.

How to improve: The essay should be rewritten to focus on the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could state that the price of nickel was the most volatile, while the price of copper was the most stable. The essay could also compare the trends in the price of each metal over time.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the trends in the prices of metals, the information is not clearly sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is inconsistent, with some paragraphs lacking a clear central topic or logical flow.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information in a more logical sequence, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Improving the use of cohesive devices by avoiding repetition and ensuring that they accurately reflect the relationships between ideas will also help. Lastly, maintaining a consistent paragraph structure that clearly delineates different aspects of the data will improve overall clarity and progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the trends in metal prices, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, phrases like "the most considerable upturn" and "the price dropped" are somewhat simplistic and lack the sophistication expected at higher band levels. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "this year" instead of "this month" in the context of discussing monthly changes, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items and more precise terms related to economic trends. Using synonyms to avoid repetition and ensuring accuracy in word choice will also help. Additionally, focusing on correct word formation and spelling will improve clarity and reduce confusion for the reader. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and varied expressions can further elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present. While the overall communication is clear, the errors occasionally detract from the fluency and coherence of the writing. The essay uses a variety of structures, but the inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation may cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Complexity: Incorporate more complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy. This can be achieved by using subordinate clauses effectively.
Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes, ensuring that they are corrected to improve overall clarity.
Variety in Sentence Types: Aim to use a wider range of sentence types and structures to demonstrate flexibility and control over grammar. This will help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line chart provides information about the monthly change in the prices of three metals: copper, nickel, and zinc, throughout all months of 2024. Overall, the most volatile pattern can be observed with regard to nickel, which experienced exponential surges and dramatic reductions. In contrast, copper and zinc exhibited more stable prices, as the changes from one month to another were less significant.

The most considerable upturn occurred in the price of nickel in January, rising by 6% compared to the previous December. However, this surge was not sustained afterwards, as the price increased less significantly in the following months. For the first time this year, the price dropped in June, with a 3% reduction. The decrease was not considerable in the subsequent four months before it increased again. In the last two months of the year, the price of nickel gradually decreased by 1% in each interval.

Despite remaining stable this year, the price of zinc displayed a changing pattern reminiscent of that of nickel. It had a remarkable increase from January to February, rising by 2% before increasing at a slower rate. In June, the monthly change in price witnessed a steady decline for the first time, as this pattern proliferated similarly to what happened with nickel’s price. In the last two months, the change in price reached approximately 1.5% and 2%, offsetting a period of reductions over the past five years.

The price of copper increased by 2% from December 2013 to January 2014. In the next three months, the upturn in price was less significant. Particularly, in February, the price of this metal rose by only 1%, and in the following two months, it increased by approximately 0.5%. In May, this metal’s price witnessed a reduction for the first time, decreasing by 0.5%. A similar pattern occurred in the next month before it increased again.