The graph gives information about the percentage of the population of four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about the percentage of the population of four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below illustrates the portion of the resident in Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia surviving in urban areas between 1970 and 2020, with forecasts from 2030 to 2040.
Overall, it can be seen that the population of Malaysia and Indonesia have taken the lead and had an upward trend, while others have been some slight shifts.
Looking at the chart more closely, one can see that the percent of citizen living in Philippines and Indonesia have had common trend. In the first 20-year-period, both also soared gradually, from 30% to 45% and from 14% to 23%, respectively. However, these figures have had witnessed a remarkable rise, Malaysia reached the highest point of 85%, followed by Indonesia which have increased sharply by 40%.
On the other hand, the percentage of people living in two remaining countries have varied consistently during this period. The data have seen a moderate rise between 1970 and 1990 but it have flutuated over the next 30-year-period. And the proportion of resident in the Philippines and Thailand have gone up significant from 2020 to 2040.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "the portion of the resident" -> "the proportion of residents"
   Explanation: "Portion" is not incorrect, but "proportion" is more commonly used when discussing percentages or parts of a whole. "Residents" should be in the plural form to match the subject.

2. "have taken the lead" -> "have shown prominence"
   Explanation: "Taken the lead" is somewhat informal. "Shown prominence" maintains formality and clarity while indicating that Malaysia and Indonesia have been more significant in terms of urban population growth.

3. "some slight shifts" -> "some minor fluctuations"
   Explanation: "Shifts" is appropriate, but "some slight" is redundant. "Minor fluctuations" conveys the same meaning more precisely.

4. "percent of citizen" -> "percentage of citizens"
   Explanation: "Citizen" should be in the plural form "citizens" to match the subject. "Percentage" is more precise than "percent" in formal writing.

5. "have had common trend" -> "have exhibited similar trends"
   Explanation: "Common trend" is somewhat awkward. "Exhibited similar trends" expresses the idea more clearly and formally.

6. "soared gradually" -> "steadily increased"
   Explanation: "Soared" implies a sudden and rapid increase, which is contradicted by "gradually." "Steadily increased" maintains consistency in describing the growth pattern.

7. "these figures have had witnessed a remarkable rise" -> "these figures have witnessed a significant increase"
   Explanation: "Have had witnessed" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "Witnessed a significant increase" conveys the same meaning more concisely.

8. "which have increased sharply" -> "which experienced a sharp increase"
   Explanation: "Have increased sharply" is grammatically incorrect. "Experienced a sharp increase" is a more appropriate phrasing.

9. "the percentage of people" -> "the proportion of the population"
   Explanation: "Percentage of people" is somewhat redundant. "Proportion of the population" is more precise and formal.

10. "have varied consistently" -> "have consistently fluctuated"
    Explanation: "Varied consistently" is contradictory. "Consistently fluctuated" accurately describes the consistent changes over time.

11. "it have fluctuated" -> "they have fluctuated"
    Explanation: "It" should be replaced with "they" to refer back to the plural subject "two remaining countries."

12. "have gone up significant" -> "have significantly increased"
    Explanation: "Gone up significant" is grammatically incorrect. "Significantly increased" is the appropriate phrasing.

13. "resident" -> "residents"
    Explanation: "Resident" should be in the plural form "residents" to match the subject.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main features and making some comparisons. It provides an overview of the trend in urban population percentages for the mentioned Asian countries over the specified time period. However, there are several issues with accuracy, clarity, and relevance throughout the essay.
How to improve: Provide more accurate and relevant data interpretation. Ensure clarity in expressing trends and comparisons. Avoid grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by dividing the information into paragraphs, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks overall progression, as it jumps between discussing different countries without a clear structure. There are some attempts at using cohesive devices, but they are inadequate and sometimes repetitive ("common trend," "on the other hand"). Additionally, there are errors in sentence structure and referencing, such as "it can be seen that" without specifying what "it" refers to. Paragraphing is attempted, but it’s not consistently logical.

How to improve:

1. Structure the essay more clearly by organizing information logically. For example, discuss each country’s data separately or group them by similar trends.
2. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that references are clear.
3. Focus on improving sentence structure and coherence within and between sentences to enhance overall clarity.
4. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical sequence of ideas. Consistent and logical paragraphing will improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some adequacy for the task. It describes the data provided but lacks sophistication and depth in lexical resource. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay. For instance, "percent" should be "percentage," "soared" should be "soaring," "have had witnessed" should be "have witnessed," "have flutuated" should be "have fluctuated," and "resident" should be "residents." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that hinder clarity and precision.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on diversifying vocabulary by using synonyms and more varied expressions. Pay attention to word choice, ensuring accuracy and appropriateness for the context. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is essential to improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, strive for more sophisticated sentence structures to elevate the overall language proficiency level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. There are some successful complex sentences, but they tend to be less accurate than the simpler ones, leading to frequent grammatical errors. Punctuation is also inconsistent throughout the essay. While the essay generally conveys its message, the errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in fully understanding the content.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures with more precision. Ensure that complex sentences are constructed accurately to avoid errors. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules to enhance clarity and readability. Practicing proofreading and revising can help in reducing grammatical errors and improving overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart illustrates the proportion of the population residing in urban areas across the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia from 1970 to 2020, with projections extending to 2030 and 2040.

Overall, Malaysia and Indonesia stand out for experiencing a substantial increase in urban population, whereas the trends in the other countries show more modest changes.

Specifically, both the Philippines and Indonesia witnessed a gradual rise in urban population from approximately 30% to 45% and from 14% to 23%, respectively, during the initial two decades. However, Malaysia exhibited the most significant surge, reaching a peak of 85%, followed by Indonesia with a notable increase of 40%.

Conversely, the urban population percentages in the remaining two countries fluctuated consistently over the observed period. While there was a moderate increase from 1970 to 1990, the data fluctuated thereafter. Notably, both the Philippines and Thailand experienced a substantial increase in urban population from 2020 to 2040.