The graph illustrates the number of people going to the cinemas once or more than once a month from 1984 to 2003.

Overall, the percentage of cinema visitors saw an upward-trend during the period. Moreover, there were more people aged 15-24 going to cinemas than those in other age groups.
In 1984, regarding with the number of people between 15 and 24 years old, it started at over 15% which compare to a mere 2% of visitors aged 35 and over. During the given period, there is a steadily rose from 1984 to 1992 in the age of 15 to 24 which accounted for over 33% in 1992. The figure then fluctuated and stood at above 50% in 2003. Meanwhile, the percentage of people aged 35 and over grew slightly during the period between 1984 and 2003 and it finally accounted for 15% in the last year.
Turning to other age groups, respected to the number of visitors with 7 to 14 years old, it had over 10% in the first year and saw a fluctuation in the following 12 years. There is a remarkable increased from 1996 to 2003 and accounted for 30% in the final year. The same as the percentage of people in the age groups of 7 to 14 years old, those in the group of 25 to 35 years old saw an ups and down and stopped at 30% at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overall, the percentage of cinema visitors saw an upward-trend" -> "Overall, the percentage of cinema visitors exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Saw an upward-trend" is an awkward and informal construction. "Exhibited an upward trend" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, aligning with the style of presenting data analysis.
"Moreover, there were more people aged 15-24 going to cinemas than those in other age groups." -> "Furthermore, individuals aged 15-24 comprised a larger proportion of cinema attendees compared to other age groups."
Explanation: "Moreover" is slightly informal and vague; "Furthermore" is more formal. Additionally, "individuals" is a more precise term than "people," and "comprised a larger proportion" is more specific and formal than "more."
"Regarding with the number of people between 15 and 24 years old, it started at over 15% which compare to a mere 2% of visitors aged 35 and over." -> "Regarding the proportion of individuals between 15 and 24 years old, it began at over 15%, compared to a mere 2% of visitors aged 35 and over."
Explanation: "Regarding with" is grammatically incorrect; "Regarding the" is correct. "Began" is more precise than "started," and "compared to" is the correct comparative conjunction for this context.
"there is a steadily rose" -> "there was a steady increase"
Explanation: "There is a steadily rose" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "There was a steady increase" corrects the verb tense and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"The figure then fluctuated and stood at above 50% in 2003." -> "The figure then fluctuated and reached 50% in 2003."
Explanation: "Stood at above 50%" is awkward and unclear; "reached 50%" is more direct and clear.
"respected to the number of visitors with 7 to 14 years old" -> "regarding the number of visitors aged 7 to 14"
Explanation: "Respected to" is incorrect; "regarding" is the correct preposition for introducing a topic. "Aged" is more precise than "with" in describing age ranges.
"There is a remarkable increased" -> "There was a remarkable increase"
Explanation: "There is a remarkable increased" is grammatically incorrect; "There was a remarkable increase" corrects the verb form to match the past tense.
"The same as the percentage of people in the age groups of 7 to 14 years old, those in the group of 25 to 35 years old saw an ups and down and stopped at 30% at the end of the period." -> "Similarly, the percentage of individuals in the 25-35 age group also fluctuated, ending at 30% by the end of the period."
Explanation: "The same as" is informal and vague; "Similarly" is more formal. "Saw an ups and down" is an idiom and too casual; "fluctuated" is the correct term. The phrase is also restructured for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The writer has focused on details, rather than providing a summary of the key features of the graph.

How to improve: The writer should focus on providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. They should also avoid using unnecessary detail and focus on highlighting the key features of the graph. For example, the writer could start by stating that the percentage of cinema visitors increased over the period, and then go on to describe the main trends for each age group. They could also use more precise language to describe the trends, such as "steadily increased" or "fluctuated".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information but lacks coherence and clear progression. Ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, with unclear relationships between sentences and paragraphs. There is limited use of cohesive devices, and those used are often inaccurate or repetitive. Paragraphing is also inconsistent and confusing, which further hinders clarity and progression of ideas.

How to improve:

Organize ideas coherently: Ensure there is a clear flow of information from one sentence to the next and from one paragraph to another. Use introductory phrases and connective words to establish logical relationships between ideas.
Use cohesive devices effectively: Avoid repetitive use of cohesive devices and ensure they accurately link ideas together. Use a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to improve coherence.
Improve paragraphing: Each paragraph should focus on a central topic or idea. Ensure paragraphs are logically structured with a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that develop the main idea.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary but lacks variety and sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay. For instance, "regarding with" should be "with regard to", "steadily rose" should be "rose steadily", "there is a steadily rose" is grammatically incorrect, "ups and down" should be "ups and downs", and "stopped at 30% at the end of the period" lacks clarity and precision.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, focus on expanding the vocabulary range to include more precise and varied expressions. Work on correcting spelling and word formation errors to enhance clarity and coherence. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, strive for more natural and fluent expression of ideas without repetitive or awkward phrasing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It includes some attempts at complex structures but lacks consistency and accuracy. There are frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay, which occasionally hinder understanding. For example, errors such as "there is a steadily rose," "saw an ups and down," and "respected to the number" affect clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures. Incorporate more complex sentences to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical variety.
Grammar and Accuracy: Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the accurate use of articles (e.g., "an upward-trend" should be "an upward trend").
Punctuation: Ensure proper use of punctuation marks such as commas and periods to clarify sentence boundaries and improve readability.

Improving these areas will help in achieving a higher band score by enhancing grammatical range and accuracy, leading to clearer communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report based on the original input:

The graph illustrates the percentage of individuals who frequented cinemas once or more per month from 1984 to 2003.

Overall, there was a noticeable upward trend in cinema attendance during this period. Notably, the age group 15-24 comprised the largest segment of cinema-goers throughout the years.

In 1984, the percentage of cinema visitors aged 15-24 stood at over 15%, whereas only around 2% of those aged 35 and above visited cinemas regularly. From 1984 to 1992, the proportion of 15-24-year-olds steadily rose, reaching over 33% by 1992. This figure then fluctuated but ultimately surpassed 50% by 2003. Conversely, the percentage of visitors aged 35 and above showed slight growth over the years, reaching 15% by the end of the period.

Looking at other age groups, individuals aged 7-14 accounted for over 10% of cinema-goers in 1984, experiencing fluctuations until a significant increase from 1996 onwards, reaching 30% by 2003. Similarly, the age group 25-34 also witnessed fluctuations, stabilizing at 30% by the end of the period.

This revision aims to maintain the original data and structure while improving clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy suitable for an IELTS Task 1 response.