The Graph shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kindom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.

The given line graph gives information about the average emission of CO2 exhauted by a person living in four different countries over a 40-year period

Overall, the amount of CO2 emission each person in UK and sweden was a downward trend while in the opposite trend for the figure for italy and portugal. In addition, the United Kingdom is the country with the most emission country.

Although the amount of CO2 emission in the UK fell slightly from around 11 to 9 metric tons, this country had the highest amount of emission among the four countries during the period. The figure for Sweden dramatically declined, which halved to 5 metric tons in 2007. Before its
considerable decrease, the amount of CO2 emission in Sweden hit the highest point of more than 10 metric tons in 1977.
There was a sharp growth of around 4 metric tons in the amounts of CO2 emission per person in Italy and Portugal in the first 30 years. These figures then remained unchanged until the end of the period. However, the figure for CO2 emission in Italy was around 70% as much as that in Portugal in 1997. Until 2007, the gap between the figures of the two countries had shortened, which the amount of CO2 emission in Portugal was 30% lower than that in Italy

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"exhauted" -> "exhausted"
Explanation: "Exhausted" is the correct spelling of the word, referring to the release or expulsion of CO2 by a person.
"each person in UK and sweden" -> "each individual in the UK and Sweden"
Explanation: Using "individual" instead of "person" adds formality and clarity to the sentence, and capitalizing "UK" maintains consistency in abbreviation usage.
"opposite trend for the figure for italy and portugal" -> "contrary trend for Italy and Portugal"
Explanation: "Opposite trend for the figure for Italy and Portugal" is redundant and unclear. "Contrary trend for Italy and Portugal" is more concise and precise.
"the most emission country" -> "the country with the highest emissions"
Explanation: "The most emission country" lacks clarity and grammatical accuracy. "The country with the highest emissions" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase.
"Although the amount of CO2 emission in the UK fell slightly" -> "Although CO2 emissions in the UK decreased slightly"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and conciseness, and using "emissions" instead of "amount of CO2 emission" for smoother flow.
"dramatically declined, which halved" -> "dramatically declined, halving"
Explanation: Using "halving" instead of "which halved" improves readability and flow, creating a smoother transition between clauses.
"hit the highest point of more than 10 metric tons" -> "reached a peak of over 10 metric tons"
Explanation: "Hit the highest point of more than 10 metric tons" is wordy. "Reached a peak of over 10 metric tons" is more concise and maintains clarity.
"growth of around 4 metric tons" -> "increase of approximately 4 metric tons"
Explanation: "Growth" is less precise in this context. "Increase" is a more appropriate term for describing the rise in CO2 emissions.
"These figures then remained unchanged" -> "These figures subsequently remained constant"
Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is repetitive. "Remained constant" maintains clarity while avoiding redundancy.
"the gap between the figures of the two countries had shortened" -> "the disparity between the figures of the two countries had decreased"
Explanation: "Gap between the figures" can be replaced with "disparity between the figures" for variety and precision. "Shortened" is replaced with "decreased" for clearer expression.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

[
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the trends in CO2 emissions per person for the four countries over the specified period. Key features are mentioned, such as the downward trend in emissions for the UK and Sweden, and the upward trend for Italy and Portugal. However, there are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the presentation of data, such as the claim that the UK had the highest emissions throughout the period, which is contradicted by the data showing Sweden’s higher emissions in earlier years. Additionally, there is a lack of clarity in some parts of the essay, such as the statement regarding the gap between Portugal and Italy’s emissions.
How to improve: Provide accurate and consistent data interpretation throughout the essay. Ensure clarity in presenting comparisons between countries and their emission trends. Avoid making unsupported claims, and strive for coherence and precision in the essay structure and language use.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion but lacks consistency in maintaining logical progression and cohesive devices. The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and the trends depicted in the graph. However, the body paragraphs lack smooth transitions and logical sequencing of information, leading to occasional confusion for the reader. There are instances of faulty cohesion, such as the abrupt shifts between discussing different countries’ emissions without clear connections. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to mechanical use of cohesive devices or awkward phrasing.

How to improve:

Ensure a consistent logical progression throughout the essay. Each paragraph should flow smoothly from one point to the next, guiding the reader through the analysis.
Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Aim for a balance in their usage, avoiding both underuse and overuse.
Clarify referencing and substitution to reduce repetition and enhance the clarity of the essay.
Improve paragraphing by logically structuring the content and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic related to the prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It uses terms related to emissions such as "CO2," "emission," "metric tons," and phrases like "downward trend" and "sharp growth." Attempting to describe the trends over time, it uses words like "declined," "halved," "considerable decrease," and "sharp growth," showing some effort to vary vocabulary. The essay also includes comparisons using percentages ("70% as much as," "30% lower than"), adding to the lexical variety.

However, there are areas where lexical resource could be improved. For instance, some phrases are repeated, like "amount of CO2 emission" and "figure for CO2 emission." There are also minor inaccuracies or awkward phrasing, such as "each person in UK and sweden was a downward trend," which could be better stated as "each person in the UK and Sweden experienced a downward trend." These issues prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on enhancing vocabulary variety without repeating phrases excessively. You can achieve this by using synonyms, varied sentence structures, and precise language. Additionally, pay attention to accuracy and clarity in your expressions to avoid minor errors or awkward phrasing that can impact the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It includes a variety of sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("The given line graph gives information about the average emission of CO2 exhaled by a person living in four different countries over a 40-year period") and complex sentences ("Before its considerable decrease, the amount of CO2 emission in Sweden hit the highest point of more than 10 metric tons in 1977"). However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which occasionally affect clarity but do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on ensuring consistent and correct use of verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Also, aim to incorporate more complex sentence structures with accuracy to elevate the overall sophistication of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for errors in grammar and punctuation can help improve clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts the average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal over a 40-year duration.

Overall, there was a downward trend in the amount of CO2 emissions per person in the United Kingdom and Sweden, while Italy and Portugal experienced an upward trend. Notably, the United Kingdom had the highest emissions among the four countries.

In the United Kingdom, although there was a slight decrease in CO2 emissions from around 11 to 9 metric tons, it remained the highest among the four countries throughout the period. Conversely, Sweden witnessed a significant decline, with emissions halving to 5 metric tons by 2007. Prior to this decline, Sweden reached its peak emission level of over 10 metric tons in 1977.

Italy and Portugal experienced a notable increase in CO2 emissions per person during the first 30 years, with a growth of around 4 metric tons. These levels then plateaued until the end of the observed period. However, in 1997, Italy’s emissions were approximately 70% of Portugal’s. By 2007, this gap had narrowed, with Portugal’s emissions being 30% lower than Italy’s.