The graph shows changes in the proportion of Internet users in three different countries from 1999 to 2009.

The chart illustrates the variations in the percentage of Internet users across three countries between 1999 and 2009.
It obviously shows that the growth in internet usage among the three countries has been increasing over that period. Canada has the highest percentage of internet users, unlike Mexico, which has the lowest growth.
In 1999, the United States led with about 20% of internet users. Meanwhile, Canada and Mexico accounted for smaller shares, at 10% and 5% each. Notably, Canada passed the US at this rate in 2002, demonstrating Canada had an improvement in technology that year.
Again, the US and Canada had similar internet usage rates in 2005 (70%) and compared to Mexico they were about 45% higher, it seems Mexicans don't go online as much as the other two countries. As expected, Canada's internet access jumped in 2009, leading the three countries with nearly 100%. The United States followed at 80% and Mexico was last at only 40% of internet users.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It obviously shows" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a conclusion in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the statement.
"has been increasing" -> "has increased"
Explanation: The verb "has increased" is more concise and direct, which is preferred in formal academic writing for clarity and brevity.
"Canada has the highest percentage of internet users, unlike Mexico, which has the lowest growth." -> "Canada exhibits the highest percentage of internet users, whereas Mexico displays the lowest growth."
Explanation: "Exhibits" and "displays" are more precise and formal verbs that better suit academic style, replacing the more casual "has" and "has the lowest growth."
"the United States led with about 20%" -> "the United States led with approximately 20%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more precise and formal adverb than "about," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"Notably, Canada passed the US at this rate in 2002, demonstrating Canada had an improvement in technology that year." -> "Notably, Canada surpassed the US in 2002, reflecting a technological advancement in that year."
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more precise verb than "passed," and "reflecting a technological advancement" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "demonstrating Canada had an improvement in technology."
"Again, the US and Canada had similar internet usage rates in 2005 (70%) and compared to Mexico they were about 45% higher, it seems Mexicans don’t go online as much as the other two countries." -> "In 2005, the internet usage rates of the US and Canada were comparable, at 70%, whereas they were approximately 45% higher than those of Mexico, suggesting that Mexicans accessed the internet less frequently than the other two countries."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and avoids the informal and speculative tone of "it seems Mexicans don’t go online as much." The phrase "suggesting that Mexicans accessed the internet less frequently" is more formal and precise.
"As expected, Canada’s internet access jumped in 2009, leading the three countries with nearly 100%." -> "As anticipated, Canada’s internet access surged in 2009, surpassing the other countries with nearly 100%."
Explanation: "Surged" is a more vivid and formal verb than "jumped," and "surpassing" is more precise than "leading," which can imply a broader dominance rather than just surpassing in one aspect (internet access).
"The United States followed at 80% and Mexico was last at only 40% of internet users." -> "The United States trailed at 80%, while Mexico lagged at 40% of internet users."
Explanation: "Trailing" and "lagging" are more precise and formal verbs that better suit the context of comparing relative positions, replacing the less formal "followed" and "was last."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in internet usage in the three countries. It also presents and highlights key features, such as the fact that Canada had the highest percentage of internet users and Mexico had the lowest. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the statement that "Canada passed the US at this rate in 2002" is not supported by the data in the graph.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific and accurate information about the trends in internet usage. For example, the essay could state that Canada’s internet usage rate increased more rapidly than the US’s rate between 1999 and 2005. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant details, such as the statement that "it seems Mexicans don’t go online as much as the other two countries." Instead, the essay should focus on providing a clear and concise overview of the main trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, it lacks a clear overall progression. While it attempts to compare the internet usage among the three countries, the transitions between ideas are sometimes unclear, and the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent. There are instances of repetition and inaccuracies in referencing, which detract from the overall coherence. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the ideas within paragraphs do not always connect smoothly.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main idea. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately would help to connect ideas more effectively. Ensuring that each paragraph maintains a logical flow and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth will also improve the overall clarity of the essay. Lastly, avoiding repetition and ensuring accurate referencing will contribute to a more coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main trends and comparisons between the three countries. However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary with some inaccuracies, such as "passed the US at this rate," which could be more precisely phrased. There are also minor errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the growth in internet usage among the three countries has been increasing," which is somewhat redundant. Additionally, there are a few spelling and grammatical errors that do not impede communication but detract from the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding redundancy and improving word choice for clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations will also contribute to a higher score. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can help to eliminate minor mistakes that affect the overall impression of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as the misuse of "obviously shows" and the awkward phrasing in "it seems Mexicans don’t go online as much as the other two countries." These errors do not significantly hinder communication but do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The essay includes some accurate structures but lacks the variety and control seen in higher bands.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures used, particularly by incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules and practicing punctuation can help reduce errors. Ensuring that all statements are clear and appropriately formal will enhance the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the variations in the percentage of Internet users across three countries between 1999 and 2009. It clearly shows that the growth in Internet usage among the three countries has been increasing over that period. Canada has the highest percentage of Internet users, while Mexico has experienced the lowest growth.

In 1999, the United States led with about 20% of Internet users, whereas Canada and Mexico accounted for smaller shares, at 10% and 5% respectively. Notably, Canada surpassed the US in this metric in 2002, indicating that Canada had made significant technological advancements that year.

Additionally, the US and Canada had similar Internet usage rates in 2005, both at 70%. Compared to Mexico, they were approximately 45% higher, suggesting that Mexicans do not go online as frequently as the other two countries. As expected, Canada’s Internet access surged in 2009, leading the three countries with nearly 100%. The United States followed at 80%, while Mexico lagged behind with only 40% of Internet users.