The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how many questions from residents in a city were sent to the Tourist Information Office in 2011 from January to June. Overall, it is obvious that the number of requests that the Tourist Information Office received in one city area almost experienced a consistent increase across all means of communication, except for letters/emails.
Further inspection reveals that the required in-person were the fewest, at more than 400 that January, while the figures for request by telephone stood at the highest point at around 900 over the same time. Following, the required by telephone dropped insignificantly in February after this figure jumped slightly by 200 in April, before rising dramatically to 1600 by the end of the period. Meanwhile, the figures for required in-person rose dramatically and exceeded the telephone rate at 1000 in March, after that soared consistently and reached the highest point at nearly 1900 until June.
It can also be seen that by letter/email stood at nearly 800 in January after that seems to remain stable until March with around 700. Before declining conderably and hitted the lowest point at more than 300 of letter/email in May, after that stayed unchanged during ending the month. Meanwhile, the number of enquiries by letter or email was uniformly lower than that by telephone across the period, with gap between the two widening from around 100 in January to more than 1500 in June.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how many questions from residents in a city were sent to the Tourist Information Office" -> "how many inquiries from city residents were directed to the Tourist Information Office"
Explanation: "Inquiries" is a more formal and precise term than "questions." "Directed to" is more appropriate than "sent to" in this context.
"it is obvious that the number of requests that the Tourist Information Office received" -> "it is evident that the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office"
Explanation: "Inquiries" is more specific and formal than "requests." Using "received by" instead of "received" adds clarity and precision.
"across all means of communication" -> "across all communication channels"
Explanation: "Communication channels" is a more precise and formal term than "means of communication."
"the required in-person were the fewest" -> "in-person inquiries were the least frequent"
Explanation: "In-person inquiries" is a clearer and more formal term. "Least frequent" is more precise than "the fewest."
"Following, the required by telephone dropped insignificantly" -> "Subsequently, telephone inquiries decreased slightly"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "Following." "Decreased slightly" is more precise and clearer than "dropped insignificantly."
"before rising dramatically to 1600 by the end of the period" -> "before sharply increasing to 1600 by the end of the period"
Explanation: "Sharply increasing" is a more descriptive and formal phrase than "rising dramatically."
"exceeded the telephone rate at 1000 in March" -> "surpassed the number of telephone inquiries, reaching 1000 in March"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more formal and descriptive term than "exceeded." Adding "the number of telephone inquiries" clarifies the comparison.
"after that soared consistently and reached the highest point at nearly 1900 until June" -> "afterward, it consistently soared, reaching nearly 1900 by June"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for clarity and using "consistently soared" enhances the description.
"by letter/email stood at nearly 800 in January" -> "via letter/email was close to 800 in January"
Explanation: "Via" is a more concise and formal alternative to "by." "Was close to" is more precise than "stood at nearly."
"after that seems to remain stable until March with around 700" -> "afterwards, it appeared to stabilize around 700 until March"
Explanation: "Appeared to stabilize" is more precise and formal than "seems to remain stable."
"Before declining conderably and hitted the lowest point at more than 300 of letter/email in May" -> "It then declined considerably, hitting the lowest point, with just over 300 inquiries via letter/email in May"
Explanation: "It then declined considerably" is a clearer and more formal phrase. "Hitting the lowest point" is more descriptive than "Before declining considerably."
"after that stayed unchanged during ending the month" -> "afterwards, it remained unchanged for the remainder of the month"
Explanation: "Remained unchanged for the remainder of the month" is a clearer and more formal expression than "stayed unchanged during ending the month."
"number of enquiries by letter or email was uniformly lower than that by telephone across the period" -> "the number of inquiries via letter or email consistently remained lower than those by telephone throughout the period"
Explanation: "Consistently remained lower" is more precise than "was uniformly lower." "Those by telephone" is more grammatically correct than "that by telephone."
"with gap between the two widening from around 100 in January to more than 1500 in June" -> "with the gap between them widening from around 100 in January to more than 1500 in June"
Explanation: "Between them" is more specific and grammatically correct than "between the two."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

[
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by summarizing the main features of the graph showing the number of questions sent to the Tourist Information Office in a city from January to June 2011. It outlines the trends in communication methods used to make inquiries. However, the essay lacks clarity and coherence in presenting the information. There are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the description, such as mentioning "residents in a city" instead of "children in the United Kingdom" as depicted in the graph. Additionally, there are errors in data interpretation, such as stating that "the required in-person were the fewest" without providing numerical values. The essay also lacks adequate comparisons between the different communication methods over time.
How to improve: Focus on accurately representing the data presented in the graph. Provide clear numerical values and comparisons between different data points. Ensure coherence and clarity in presenting the information, avoiding irrelevant details and inaccuracies. Use appropriate language and terminology specific to the task. Consider structuring the essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance readability and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, addressing the main features of the graph. However, there are several coherence and cohesion issues throughout the essay. There is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between different means of communication without a clear structure. Cohesive devices are inadequately used, leading to some confusion and repetition. Paragraphing is inconsistent, with some paragraphs lacking clear logical breaks.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should begin with a clear introduction summarizing the main trends and features shown in the graph. Then, each paragraph should focus on one means of communication, logically progressing from one to the next. Cohesive devices such as transition words should be used to guide the reader through the essay smoothly. Additionally, ensuring proper paragraph structure and logical breaks between ideas will enhance the overall organization of the essay. Finally, attention to grammar and sentence structure would help to improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There is an attempt to convey information using various lexical items, but the usage lacks precision and sophistication. Some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are noticeable, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, especially terms related to data interpretation and analysis. Pay attention to accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation to ensure clarity and coherence in conveying the information. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to improve the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an effort to vary the structure, but some sentences lack clarity due to errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay also tries to include complex sentences, but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences, leading to some difficulty for the reader. While there is an attempt to present information logically, the frequent grammatical errors and faulty punctuation can hinder understanding.

How to improve: Focus on achieving greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence. Practice constructing complex sentences with precision, ensuring they contribute effectively to conveying information. Additionally, strive to vary sentence structures more effectively to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph displays the number of inquiries from residents in a city sent to the Tourist Information Office in 2011 from January to June. Overall, it is clear that the number of inquiries to the Tourist Information Office in this city increased over the period across all modes of communication, with the exception of letters/emails.

Initially, in January, the number of in-person inquiries was the lowest, with just over 400, while the number of telephone inquiries was the highest, at approximately 900. In the following months, the telephone inquiries fluctuated slightly, with a minor dip in February, followed by a rise to about 1100 in April. From then on, telephone inquiries climbed significantly, peaking at 1600 in June.

In contrast, in-person inquiries showed a steady and dramatic increase. After starting at just over 400 in January, they surpassed telephone inquiries by March, reaching 1000, and continued to rise, eventually hitting nearly 1900 by June.

Regarding inquiries via letters/emails, the numbers began at almost 800 in January and remained fairly stable until March, hovering around 700. However, there was a notable drop from March to May, with the figure hitting just over 300, where it stayed through June. Throughout the period, inquiries by letter/email were consistently lower than those by telephone, with the gap between the two widening from approximately 100 in January to over 1500 by June.