The graph shows the amount of fruit produced in four countries (France, Spain, Germany, Turkey) from 1970 to 2010.

The line graph give information about the quantity of fruit which four countries (France, Spain, Germany, Turkey) producted in the 1970-2020-period.
Overall, Turkey and France experienced a upward trend while Spain and Germany declined. Besides, Spain was the country had a biggest propotion of fruit in 4 countries during the period shown.
Between 1970 and 2010, Turkey and France saw a rise and had a low fruit yield. Turkey’s the number of fruit production grown significant from 2 millions of tonnes to approxiately 4 millions of tonnes in this period. In additon, France witnessed a fluctuation when in the 1970-1990-period had a growth but from 1990 to 2000 fallen and the period 2000-2010 saw a climbed.
Spain and Germany had a same development trends. Spain witnessed a highest fruit production, about 5.5 millions in 1970 and reach the top in 1980 with roughly 6 millions and experienced the downward trend over the period 1980 to 2010. Germany dropped from about 2.5 millions to 1.5 millions before remained stable in the next 10 years.

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Errors and Improvements:

"producted" -> "produced"
Explanation: "Produced" is the correct past tense form of the verb "produce." It maintains grammatical accuracy in the sentence.
"a upward trend" -> "an upward trend"
Explanation: "An" is used before words beginning with a vowel sound, while "a" is used before consonant sounds. "Upward" begins with a vowel sound, so "an" is appropriate here.
"had a biggest propotion" -> "had the largest proportion"
Explanation: "The largest proportion" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea of the greatest amount or share.
"Between 1970 and 2010, Turkey and France saw a rise and had a low fruit yield." -> "Between 1970 and 2010, Turkey and France experienced an increase in fruit yield."
Explanation: "Experienced an increase in fruit yield" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of a rise in production.
"Turkey’s the number of fruit production grown significant" -> "Turkey’s fruit production significantly increased"
Explanation: This revision maintains clarity and uses more precise language to describe the significant growth in Turkey’s fruit production.
"from 2 millions of tonnes to approxiately 4 millions of tonnes" -> "from 2 million tonnes to approximately 4 million tonnes"
Explanation: "Million" should be used as a singular noun when preceded by a number. Also, "approximately" is a more precise term than "approxiately."
"witnessed a fluctuation when in the 1970-1990-period had a growth" -> "experienced fluctuations, with growth from 1970 to 1990"
Explanation: This revision rephrases the sentence for clarity and uses a more concise structure to convey the idea of fluctuating fruit production with growth during a specific period.
"from 1990 to 2000 fallen and the period 2000-2010 saw a climbed" -> "falling from 1990 to 2000 and climbing from 2000 to 2010"
Explanation: This revision uses parallel structure to describe the trends of falling and climbing fruit production in France during different time periods.
"had a same development trends" -> "exhibited similar developmental trends"
Explanation: "Exhibited similar developmental trends" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea of two countries following the same patterns of development.
"witnessed a highest fruit production" -> "experienced the highest fruit production"
Explanation: "Experienced the highest fruit production" is a clearer and more formal way to describe reaching the peak of fruit production.
"reach the top" -> "reached the peak"
Explanation: "Reached the peak" is a more precise and formal way to describe reaching the highest point or level of something.
"about 5.5 millions" -> "about 5.5 million"
Explanation: "Million" should be used as a singular noun when preceded by a number.
"over the period 1980 to 2010" -> "during the period from 1980 to 2010"
Explanation: "During the period from 1980 to 2010" is a clearer and more formal way to specify the time frame of the downward trend in Spain’s fruit production.
"dropped from about 2.5 millions to 1.5 millions" -> "dropped from about 2.5 million to 1.5 million"
Explanation: "Million" should be used as a singular noun when preceded by a number.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by describing the trends in fruit production for four countries over the given time period. It provides an overview of the trends in fruit production for each country, mentioning both upward and downward trends. However, there are some issues with clarity and accuracy in the description. For example, the essay mentions the years 2020, which are not included in the provided data range (1970-2010). Additionally, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay.
How to improve: To improve, ensure that the essay focuses solely on the provided data range (1970-2010) and avoids introducing information outside of this range. Additionally, strive for clearer and more accurate descriptions of the trends in fruit production, and work on improving grammar and phrasing for better clarity and coherence. Ensure that key features are adequately covered without overly focusing on irrelevant details.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization with an attempt at an introduction and overview. There is an evident attempt to organize information chronologically and compare trends among the four countries. However, there are several coherence and cohesion issues throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, leading to difficulties in following the progression of ideas. The essay lacks overall coherence due to repetitive language, inconsistent referencing, and insufficient paragraphing.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on improving the logical progression of ideas by using appropriate transitional phrases and cohesive devices. Additionally, attention should be paid to accurate referencing and substitution to avoid repetition. Proper paragraphing should be employed to ensure clear separation and organization of ideas. Moreover, the introduction and overview could be strengthened to provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, providing some variety in terms used to describe trends and quantities. However, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, such as "producted," "propotion," "additon," "climbed," and "witnessed a highest." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader and detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, focus on enhancing vocabulary usage with more precise and varied terms. Additionally, pay close attention to spelling and word formation to ensure accuracy and clarity in communication. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help eliminate errors and improve the overall quality of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word choice. Additionally, punctuation is often faulty, leading to disruptions in clarity.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure diversity, ensuring the correct usage of complex sentence forms. Pay close attention to grammatical rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, refine punctuation skills to improve the overall coherence and readability of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the fruit production levels in four countries (France, Spain, Germany, Turkey) over the period spanning from 1970 to 2010.

Overall, Turkey and France exhibited an upward trajectory in fruit production, while Spain and Germany experienced a decline. Notably, Spain held the highest proportion of fruit production among the four countries throughout the depicted period.

From 1970 to 2010, Turkey and France both demonstrated an increase in fruit production, albeit with fluctuations. Turkey’s fruit production surged significantly from approximately 2 million tonnes to around 4 million tonnes. Similarly, France experienced fluctuations, with growth observed from 1970 to 1990, a decline from 1990 to 2000, and a subsequent increase from 2000 to 2010.

Conversely, Spain and Germany followed similar developmental trends, witnessing a peak in fruit production followed by a decline. Spain’s fruit production peaked at about 5.5 million tonnes in 1970, reaching approximately 6 million tonnes in 1980 before declining steadily until 2010. Germany, on the other hand, experienced a decline from around 2.5 million tonnes to 1.5 million tonnes before stabilizing in the following decade.