The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

These data sources specifically describe the changes in the monthly income of Japanese people and the prices of two types of televisions spanning the thirty-year, form 1953 to 1983.

It can be clearly seen that the salary of Japanese always rose at all time. Conversely, the prices of black and white televisions as well as color televisions fell down and both reach a bottom in 2000.

Getting back to the details, the income of Japanese was at the bottom in 1970 with below 20 thousands Yen and it rising marginally till 1995 afterwards rocketing to reach a peak in 2000 with 65 thousands Yen per month.

As can be seen in the line graph that the prices of color televisions and black and white ones were at the peak in 1978 with 100 thousands Yen and 1970 with 110 thousands Yen respectively. After a decade from 1970, there was an overwhelming plunge of the prices of black and white televisions afterwards declining moderately till 1990 with the figures were 27 thousands Yen. The prices of color televisions fell down moderately spanning a six-year, from 1987.

This trend still continued and prices of color televisions and black and white ones decreased marginally and reach a bottom in 2000 with 48 thousands Yen and 20 thousands Yen respectively. The prices of two types of televisions were five times as high as the income of Japanese in the first time but afterwards they are more and more affordable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "rose at all time" ->consistently increased time"
   Explanation: Using "consistently increased over time" instead ofrose at all time" provides a more precise and formal description of the continuous growth in Japanese salaries.

2. "fell down" -> "declined"
   Explanation: "Declined" is a more formal and appropriate term to describe the decrease in prices of televisions, compared to the colloquial expression "fell down".

3. "reaching a peak" -> "peaking"
   Explanation: "Peaking" is a more concise and sophisticated way to describe reaching the highest point, enhancing the overall clarity and professionalism of the sentence.

4. "were at the peak" -> "peaked"
   Explanation: Using "peaked" instead of "were at the peak" is a more concise and active way to describe the highest point reached by the prices of televisions.

5. "overwhelming plunge" -> "sharp decline"
   Explanation: "Sharp decline" is a more precise and formal term to describe a significant drop in prices, compared to the more colloquial "overwhelming plunge".

6. "spanning a six-year" -> "over a six-year period"
   Explanation: "Over a six-year period" is a more formal and grammatically correct way to describe the duration during which the prices of color televisions fell moderately.

7. "decreased marginally" -> "experienced marginal decreases"
   Explanation: "Experienced marginal decreases" is a more formal and descriptive phrase to indicate slight reductions in the prices of televisions, compared to the simpler "decreased marginally".

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the information provided in the graph about the average Japanese monthly salary and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions from 1953 to 1983. The overview provided is appropriate, covering the main trends and key features of the data. The essay highlights the changes in salary and television prices over the specified period, providing some relevant details.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to provide a more detailed and accurate description of the data. The essay could benefit from a clearer structure and more precise language to enhance the presentation of key features and comparisons. Additionally, ensuring that all information is relevant and accurate will strengthen the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in monthly income of Japanese people and the prices of televisions from 1953 to 1983. However, the organization of ideas is not coherent, and there is no clear progression in the response. The essay lacks logical sequencing of information, making it difficult to follow the main points. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, leading to a lack of clarity in the relationships between ideas. The paragraphing is confusing and does not contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on structuring the information in a logical sequence. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas are connected smoothly using appropriate cohesive devices. Work on using paragraphing effectively to enhance the organization of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow the main points. Additionally, pay attention to the accuracy and appropriateness of cohesive devices to strengthen the relationships between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of basic vocabulary with repetitive phrases and limited variety. The vocabulary used is not sophisticated and lacks depth. There are errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the thirty-year, form 1953 to 1983" and "prices of two types of televisions were at the in 1978 with 100 thousands Yen and 1970 with 110 thousands Yen respectively." Additionally, there are spelling errors, such as "black and white ones" instead of "black and white ones."

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using a wider range of words. They should also pay attention to word choice and collocation to convey precise meanings. Proofreading for spelling errors is essential to ensure clarity and accuracy in the essay. Additionally, using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, simple and complex sentences However, there are grammatical errors throughout essay that hinder the overall clarity and accuracy of content. The errors issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and word choice.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring proper subject-verb agreement, maintaining consistency in tenses, and choosing appropriate vocabulary. Additionally, proofreading the essay for grammatical errors before submission can help enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data illustrates the changes in the average monthly income of Japanese individuals and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions over the period from 1953 to 1983.

Overall, it is evident that the monthly income of Japanese citizens consistently increased over the entire period. In contrast, the prices of both black and white televisions and color televisions experienced a downward trend, reaching their lowest points in 2000.

Specifically, the monthly income of Japanese individuals hit a low point in 1970, dropping below 20,000 Yen, before gradually rising until 1995 and then sharply increasing to a peak of 65,000 Yen per month in 2000.

Turning to the prices of televisions, both color and black and white televisions peaked in 1978 and 1970, respectively, with prices reaching 100,000 Yen and 110,000 Yen. Subsequently, there was a significant decline in the prices of black and white televisions over the following decade, with prices gradually decreasing until 1990 to 27,000 Yen. The prices of color televisions also experienced a moderate decline over a six-year period starting from 1987.

This downward trend continued, with the prices of color televisions and black and white televisions decreasing gradually and reaching their lowest points in 2000 at 48,000 Yen and 20,000 Yen, respectively. Initially, the prices of both types of televisions were five times higher than the income of Japanese individuals, but over time, they became increasingly affordable.