The graph shows the percentage of single men in America, Vietnam, China from 2000 to 2020.

The chart provides information regarding the proportion of men who were single in America, Vietnam and China between 2000 and 2020. The figures are measured in the percentage of single men.
Overall, the figures in America, Vietnam and China increased. Additionally, Vietnam was a lowest point at the beginning, but the figue reached to the highest point in the final year.
Moving on to America, the percentage of single men started at about 10% in 2000 before rose dramatically to approximately 20% by 2020. Subsequently, Vietnam began at around 5%, then interected America at about 15% between 2010 and 2015. This was followed a continue rise to 23% in the final year.
Looking at the figure for China, it startefd at the same percentage as Vietnam, but it increased more slowly than the data of Vietnam. From 2010 to 2015, China dropped slightly between 10% and 9% before an increase to around 14% at the end of this chart.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the proportion of men who were single" -> "the proportion of single men"
Explanation: The phrase "men who were single" is unnecessarily wordy. "Single men" is more concise and maintains clarity.
"the figures are measured in the percentage of single men" -> "the figures are expressed as percentages of single men"
Explanation: "Expressed as percentages" is a more formal and precise way to convey how the data is represented.
"Vietnam was a lowest point at the beginning" -> "Vietnam represented the lowest point at the beginning"
Explanation: "Represented" provides clarity and formality, while "the lowest point" is more precise than "a lowest point."
"the figue reached to the highest point" -> "the figure reached its highest point"
Explanation: "Reached its highest point" is grammatically correct and more natural than "reached to the highest point."
"before rose dramatically" -> "before rising dramatically"
Explanation: "Rising" is the correct gerund form that maintains the grammatical structure of the sentence.
"interected America" -> "intersected with America"
Explanation: "Intersected with" is the correct prepositional phrase to indicate the overlap between the two data sets.
"followed a continue rise" -> "followed a continued rise"
Explanation: "Continued" is the correct form of the adjective to describe an ongoing increase.
"the figure for China, it startefd at the same percentage as Vietnam" -> "the figure for China started at the same percentage as that of Vietnam"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "startefd" to "started" and using "that of" enhances clarity and formality.
"but it increased more slowly than the data of Vietnam" -> "but it increased at a slower rate than that of Vietnam"
Explanation: "At a slower rate" is a more precise expression than "more slowly," and "that of" maintains clarity in comparison.
"China dropped slightly between 10% and 9%" -> "China experienced a slight decline from 10% to 9%"
Explanation: "Experienced a slight decline" is more formal and precise than "dropped slightly," enhancing the academic tone.
"before an increase to around 14% at the end of this chart" -> "before increasing to approximately 14% by the end of the chart"
Explanation: "Increasing to approximately" is a more formal construction than "an increase to around," and "by the end of the chart" provides clearer temporal context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay provides an overview of the main trends, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but the details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Vietnam was a lowest point at the beginning, but the figue reached to the highest point in the final year." This statement is inaccurate because the percentage of single men in Vietnam was not the lowest at the beginning.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate details. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of single men in Vietnam was the lowest at the beginning, but it increased to the highest point in the final year. The essay could also provide more specific details about the trends in each country. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of single men in America increased dramatically between 2000 and 2020. The essay could also state that the percentage of single men in China increased more slowly than the percentage of single men in Vietnam.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression. While it attempts to convey the trends in the data, the transitions between points are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "interected" instead of "intersected," which detracts from clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the flow between ideas can be disjointed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer transitions between ideas and ensure that cohesive devices are used accurately and effectively. Improving the logical structure of paragraphs, perhaps by grouping similar ideas together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic, would also help. Regular proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy would further enhance clarity and professionalism in the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the essential information regarding the percentage of single men in the specified countries, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "lowest point," "figue," "interected," "continue rise," "startefd"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text. The vocabulary used is mostly basic, and there is little variation or sophistication in word choice.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and spelling. Additionally, using synonyms and varying sentence structures can improve the overall quality of the essay. Practicing the correct formation of words and reviewing spelling can also help reduce errors that impede communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are several grammatical errors, such as "the lowest point" instead of "alowest point," "rose dramatically" instead of "rose dramatically," and "followed a continue rise" which should be "followed by a continued rise." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as missing commas and incorrect word forms, which further detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentences and ensure that they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical and punctuation errors.
Practice with Grammar Exercises: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding and application of complex structures.
Seek Feedback: Obtain feedback from peers or instructors to identify specific areas of weakness and work on them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart provides information regarding the proportion of single men in America, Vietnam, and China between 2000 and 2020. The figures are measured as a percentage of single men.

Overall, the percentages in America, Vietnam, and China increased over the period. Additionally, Vietnam had the lowest percentage at the beginning, but it reached the highest point by the final year.

Moving on to America, the percentage of single men started at about 10% in 2000 before rising dramatically to approximately 20% by 2020. In contrast, Vietnam began at around 5%, then intersected with America at about 15% between 2010 and 2015. This was followed by a continued rise to 23% in the final year.

Looking at the figures for China, it started at the same percentage as Vietnam but increased more slowly than the data for Vietnam. From 2010 to 2015, China experienced a slight decline from 10% to 9% before rising to around 14% by the end of this chart.