The graph shows the percentages of people going to cinemas in a European country on different days. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The given graph delineates the changes in car possession in an European country from 1971 to 2001.

A glance at the chart reveals an inclination towards affording less than 2 cars among the citizens of this nation despite a decrease in terms of no car ownership.Furthermore, while purchasing no car was prevalent during the first half of the period, one-car possession soon achieved this pole position in the following twenty years.

To elaborate, the percentage of households without cars initially predominated at nearly 47% of the national population, but soon witnessed a consistent drop over the years, culminating in approximately 28% after three decades. By contrast, owning one single car demonstrated its traction by gradually rising to its peak of 47% in 1991, similar to that of car-less ownership, despite bottoming out at 30% a decade prior.

Turning to those owning two cars or over, the figures for this sector were notably lower than those of their aforementioned counterparts, fluctuating in the proximity of 15-20% in 1971 and 1991, with the highest ratio being equivalently around 28% in the remaining years,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"an European country" -> "a European country"
Explanation: The article "an" is used before vowel sounds; however, "European" begins with a consonant sound, so "a" is the correct article.
"affording less than 2 cars" -> "owning fewer than two cars"
Explanation: "Owning" is more precise than "affording" in this context, as it directly refers to possession. Additionally, "fewer" is grammatically correct when referring to countable nouns like "cars," and spelling out "two" aligns with academic conventions.
"despite a decrease in terms of no car ownership" -> "despite a decrease in car ownership"
Explanation: The phrase "in terms of" is vague and unnecessary. "Car ownership" is a clearer and more direct expression.
"one-car possession soon achieved this pole position" -> "one-car ownership soon became predominant"
Explanation: "Achieved this pole position" is informal and somewhat idiomatic. "Became predominant" is more formal and accurately conveys the intended meaning.
"the percentage of households without cars initially predominated" -> "the percentage of households without cars initially constituted"
Explanation: "Predominated" suggests dominance rather than a numerical representation. "Constituted" more accurately describes the proportion of households without cars.
"but soon witnessed a consistent drop over the years" -> "but subsequently experienced a consistent decline over the years"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "soon," and "experienced a consistent decline" is more precise than "witnessed a consistent drop."
"demonstrated its traction by gradually rising to its peak" -> "showed a gradual increase, reaching its peak"
Explanation: "Showed a gradual increase" is clearer and more straightforward than "demonstrated its traction," which is somewhat informal.
"the figures for this sector were notably lower than those of their aforementioned counterparts" -> "the figures for this category were significantly lower than those of their previously mentioned counterparts"
Explanation: "Category" is more precise than "sector," and "significantly" is a more formal alternative to "notably."
"fluctuating in the proximity of 15-20%" -> "fluctuating around 15-20%"
Explanation: "Around" is a more natural and concise expression than "in the proximity of."
"with the highest ratio being equivalently around 28% in the remaining years" -> "with the highest ratio approximately 28% in the subsequent years"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "being equivalently," and "subsequent years" is clearer than "remaining years."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in car ownership in the European country. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "owning one single car demonstrated its traction by gradually rising to its peak of 47% in 1991, similar to that of car-less ownership," but the graph shows that the percentage of households owning one car peaked at 47% in 1991, while the percentage of households with no car peaked at 47% in 1971.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of households owning one car peaked at 47% in 1991, while the percentage of households with no car peaked at 47% in 1971. The essay could also provide more specific information about the trends in car ownership, such as the rate of change in the percentage of households owning one car or the percentage of households owning two or more cars.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical, leading to occasional awkwardness in flow. The referencing is not always clear, particularly when transitioning between different data points. Paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical organization, as some ideas feel slightly disjointed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically flows into the next would strengthen the overall structure. More explicit referencing and summarizing of key points would also help clarify the relationships between different pieces of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "delineates," "predominated," and "fluctuating." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "affording less than 2 cars" and "achieved this pole position," which may confuse the reader. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "an European country" (should be "a European country"). While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, it lacks the sophistication and precision expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary. They should also aim to minimize errors in word choice and spelling. Incorporating a wider range of less common lexical items and ensuring their correct usage will contribute to a higher score. Additionally, practicing synonyms and collocations can help improve fluency and flexibility in vocabulary use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "an European country" should be "a European country," and "the figures for this sector were notably lower than those of their aforementioned counterparts" could be simplified for better readability. Additionally, some sentences are overly complex, which may confuse the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors, such as articles and prepositions. Increasing the variety of sentence structures while ensuring clarity will also help. Practicing with more complex sentences that are still clear and concise can improve overall coherence and cohesion in the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given graph delineates the changes in car ownership in a European country from 1971 to 2001.

A glance at the chart reveals a tendency among citizens to own fewer than two cars, despite a decrease in the percentage of households without any car. Furthermore, while the prevalence of no car ownership was significant during the first half of the period, one-car possession soon became the dominant trend in the following twenty years.

To elaborate, the percentage of households without cars initially dominated at nearly 47% of the national population but soon experienced a consistent decline over the years, culminating in approximately 28% after three decades. In contrast, owning one car demonstrated significant growth, gradually rising to its peak of 47% in 1991, which was comparable to the rate of car-less ownership, despite bottoming out at 30% a decade earlier.

Turning to those owning two or more cars, the figures for this category were notably lower than those of their aforementioned counterparts, fluctuating between 15% and 20% in 1971 and 1991, with the highest ratio reaching approximately 28% in the intervening years.