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The graph shows the unemployment rate of the United Kingdom, the rest of Europe, and Japan from 1993 to 2007.

The graph shows the unemployment rate of the United Kingdom, the rest of Europe, and Japan from 1993 to 2007.

The line diagram compares the jobless rate in the UK, Japan, and the rest of Europe from 1993 to 2007.
Overall, Japan witnessed an upward trend in the proportion of unemployed people while the other countries showed a contrasting movement. Additionally, almost all European countries’ unemployment rates were on the top of the chart throughout the period except for the first year
At the start of the period (In 1993), around 11% of the population in the UK was unemployed, the highest percentage among all countries. Meanwhile, the EU started with a 9% unemployment rate, nearly five times higher than Japan’s figure of 2%.
Thereafter, the unemployment rate in the UK plummeted to 5% and remained stable five years later before growing again to 6% in 2007. In addition (On the other hand), the percentage of the unemployed in Europe reached a peak of nearly 12% by 1997, after overtaking the rate of the UK (taking over the UK) and then dropped noticeably to 8% over the last ten-year period but still held the top spot. In contrast, the data of individuals without jobs in Japan increased substantially from 2% to 6% in 2003 and fell slightly to 4% at the end-year period


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the jobless rate" -> "the unemployment rate"
    Explanation: "Unemployment rate" is the more formal and precise term commonly used in academic and professional contexts to describe the percentage of the labor force that is unemployed.

  2. "witnessed an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise verb than "witnessed," which can imply passive observation rather than active demonstration of a trend.

  3. "the other countries showed a contrasting movement" -> "the other countries exhibited a contrasting trend"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" maintains formality, and "trend" is more specific than "movement," which can be vague in this context.

  4. "on the top of the chart" -> "at the top of the chart"
    Explanation: "At" is the correct preposition to indicate a position in this context, improving grammatical accuracy.

  5. "the population in the UK was unemployed" -> "the unemployment rate in the UK was approximately 11%"
    Explanation: This change clarifies that the statistic refers to the unemployment rate rather than the entire population, enhancing precision.

  6. "the EU started with a 9% unemployment rate, nearly five times higher than Japan’s figure of 2%" -> "the EU began with a 9% unemployment rate, significantly higher than Japan’s rate of 2%"
    Explanation: "Began" is a more formal alternative to "started," and "significantly higher" provides clearer comparative language than "nearly five times higher," which is inaccurate.

  7. "plummeted to 5% and remained stable five years later" -> "decreased to 5% and remained stable five years later"
    Explanation: "Decreased" is a more neutral term than "plummeted," which carries a negative connotation and may not accurately reflect the data’s context.

  8. "the percentage of the unemployed in Europe reached a peak of nearly 12% by 1997" -> "the unemployment rate in Europe peaked at nearly 12% by 1997"
    Explanation: "Unemployment rate" is more precise than "percentage of the unemployed," and "peaked at" is a more concise and formal expression.

  9. "after overtaking the rate of the UK (taking over the UK)" -> "after surpassing the UK’s rate"
    Explanation: "Surpassing" is a more formal and precise term than "overtaking," and it avoids the informal phrasing in parentheses.

  10. "dropped noticeably to 8% over the last ten-year period but still held the top spot" -> "declined to 8% over the subsequent ten-year period but remained the highest"
    Explanation: "Declined" is a more formal term than "dropped," and "remained the highest" is clearer and more precise than "still held the top spot."

  11. "the data of individuals without jobs in Japan increased substantially" -> "the number of unemployed individuals in Japan increased significantly"
    Explanation: "The number of unemployed individuals" is a more precise and formal expression than "the data of individuals without jobs," and "significantly" is a more formal alternative to "substantially."

  12. "fell slightly to 4% at the end-year period" -> "decreased slightly to 4% by the end of the period"
    Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal term than "fell," and "by the end of the period" is clearer and more grammatically correct than "at the end-year period."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the unemployment rates of the three countries. It also highlights some key features, such as the peak unemployment rate in Europe in 1997. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the statement that Japan’s unemployment rate increased substantially from 2% to 6% in 2003 is not accurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the key features and by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. The writer should also focus on presenting a clear overview of the main trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. It effectively arranges the data chronologically and compares the unemployment rates across the three regions. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear referencing, such as "the data of individuals without jobs" which could be more succinctly expressed. While cohesive devices are used, their application is sometimes mechanical, leading to a lack of fluidity in the writing. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in the transition between the UK and European data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and avoiding redundancy in phrasing will strengthen the overall organization. Structuring paragraphs to clearly delineate different points or trends will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "jobless rate," "unemployed," and "unemployment rate." However, the attempt to use less common vocabulary is somewhat inaccurate, as seen in phrases like "the data of individuals without jobs," which could be more naturally expressed as "the number of unemployed individuals." There are also some errors in word formation and sentence structure, such as "the percentage of the unemployed in Europe reached a peak of nearly 12% by 1997, after overtaking the rate of the UK," where "overtaking" may not be the best choice of word in this context. While these errors do not severely impede communication, they indicate a lack of precision and control over lexical choices.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and phrases that convey meaning more effectively. Additionally, practicing the use of less common lexical items with correct collocation will help improve the overall quality of the vocabulary used. Reducing errors in word formation and ensuring that vocabulary choices are appropriate for the context will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as the awkward phrasing in "the data of individuals without jobs" and the inconsistent use of parentheses that disrupt the flow of the text. While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they indicate a lack of control over grammatical structures. The overall coherence of the essay is maintained, but the presence of these errors suggests that the writer could improve their grammatical range and accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing their grammatical accuracy by proofreading for errors and refining sentence structures. Incorporating a wider variety of complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct would also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing the use of punctuation and ensuring that all clauses are clearly connected can help improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph compares the unemployment rates in the UK, Japan, and the rest of Europe from 1993 to 2007. Overall, Japan experienced an upward trend in the proportion of unemployed individuals, while the other regions exhibited a contrasting movement. Additionally, the unemployment rates in almost all European countries were the highest throughout the period, except for the initial year.

At the beginning of the period (in 1993), approximately 11% of the population in the UK was unemployed, representing the highest percentage among all countries. Meanwhile, the EU started with a 9% unemployment rate, nearly five times higher than Japan’s figure of 2%.

Subsequently, the unemployment rate in the UK plummeted to 5% and remained stable five years later before rising again to 6% in 2007. On the other hand, the percentage of unemployed individuals in Europe reached a peak of nearly 12% by 1997, surpassing the UK rate, and then dropped noticeably to 8% over the subsequent ten-year period, yet still maintained the highest position. In contrast, the unemployment rate in Japan increased significantly from 2% to 6% in 2003 and then fell slightly to 4% by the end of the period.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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