The graphs below show the development of Brindell from 1800 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the development of Brindell from 1800 to 2000.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs illustrate how Brindell and regional places developed between 1800 and 2000.
Overall, areas underwent a significant transformation over the period of 200 years, with the addition of new facilities and resizing of existing ones.
In 1800, farmland for animals was placed in the bottom of western-south. After a century, this area was substituted by three industries, Bun hill, and village for workers. Woodland was still in the west-north in 1800, but it was shortened in 1900. It was noticeable that three other places remained in the same place over the period of 100 years.
In 1900, there were three industries, Bun hill, and village for workers located in the west-south. After 100 years, the place for three areas was widened; industrial areas was added to four new ones, and Bun hill was combined with village for workers merged into one place. In the west-north corner, it was only a place for woodland in 1900, but this place was added by Bun Hill and park over the period of 100 years. Brindell was widened, while river stour was shortened. By contrast, farmland did not witness any changes during a century.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graphs illustrate how Brindell and regional places developed between 1800 and 2000." -> "The graphs depict the development of Brindell and regional areas between 1800 and 2000."
Explanation: The phrase "illustrate how" is somewhat informal and vague. "Depict the development of" is more precise and academically appropriate, clearly conveying the action of showing the changes over time.
"areas underwent a significant transformation" -> "the areas underwent significant transformations"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "areas" clarifies the subject, and using "transformations" in plural form acknowledges the multiple changes discussed in the graphs.
"the addition of new facilities and resizing of existing ones" -> "the addition of new facilities and the resizing of existing ones"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "resizing" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"farmland for animals was placed in the bottom of western-south" -> "land for livestock was located in the southwestern region"
Explanation: "Land for livestock" is more specific and formal than "farmland for animals." "Located in the southwestern region" is clearer and more precise than "in the bottom of western-south."
"After a century, this area was substituted by three industries, Bun hill, and village for workers" -> "After a century, this area was replaced by three industries, including Bun Hill and a workers’ village"
Explanation: "Substituted by" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Replaced by" is more commonly used in academic writing, and specifying "including Bun Hill and a workers’ village" clarifies the nature of the replacements.
"Woodland was still in the west-north in 1800, but it was shortened in 1900" -> "Woodland remained in the northwest region in 1800, but its extent decreased in 1900"
Explanation: "Remained in the northwest region" is more precise and formal than "was still in the west-north." "Its extent decreased" is a more accurate description than "was shortened," which could be misleading.
"It was noticeable that three other places remained in the same place over the period of 100 years" -> "It is notable that three other areas remained unchanged over the 100-year period"
Explanation: "It is notable" is a more formal expression than "It was noticeable." "Unchanged" is more precise than "remained in the same place," and "over the 100-year period" is clearer and more formal.
"the place for three areas was widened; industrial areas was added to four new ones" -> "the space allocated to these areas expanded; four new industrial areas were added"
Explanation: "The space allocated to these areas expanded" is more precise and formal than "the place for three areas was widened." "Four new industrial areas were added" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the addition.
"Bun hill was combined with village for workers merged into one place" -> "Bun Hill and the workers’ village were merged into a single entity"
Explanation: "Bun Hill and the workers’ village were merged into a single entity" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "combined with village for workers merged into one place."
"river stour was shortened" -> "the River Stour was reduced in size"
Explanation: "The River Stour was reduced in size" is more specific and formal than "river stour was shortened," which is vague and informal.
"farmland did not witness any changes during a century" -> "the farmland underwent no changes over the century"
Explanation: "The farmland underwent no changes over the century" is more formal and avoids the passive construction "did not witness," which can be less direct and less formal in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information in the graphs, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences in the development of Brindell. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features of the graphs. For example, the essay does not mention that the farmland for animals was replaced by three industries, Bun Hill, and a village for workers. It also does not mention that the woodland was shortened in 1900 and that a park was added in 2000.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the development of Brindell. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features of the graphs in a more comprehensive and accurate way. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by combining the information about the development of Brindell in 1900 and 2000 into a single paragraph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe the changes in Brindell over the specified time period, the sequence of information is sometimes unclear, and the transitions between ideas are not always smooth. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, leading to some confusion in understanding the relationships between different parts of the text. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some ideas not being clearly separated into distinct sections.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing ideas into well-defined paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively will help to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. It is also important to ensure that comparisons and contrasts are clearly articulated to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Finally, revising for clarity and precision in language will improve the overall readability of the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graphs, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which detracts from the overall clarity and sophistication of the writing. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "placed in the bottom of western-south" and "three areas was widened," which indicate a lack of control over word formation. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors are present, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource does not meet the higher band criteria due to these limitations.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors will improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with more complex texts can also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the place for three areas was widened" and "industrial areas was added" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from clarity. Additionally, punctuation is often faulty, which further complicates the reader’s understanding. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the errors significantly impact its effectiveness.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Practicing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that sentences are properly constructed can help reduce errors. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct punctuation mistakes and improve clarity will contribute to a higher band score. Engaging with more advanced grammar exercises and reading high-scoring IELTS essays can also provide valuable insights into effective writing techniques.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graphs illustrate how Brindell and the surrounding areas developed between 1800 and 2000. Overall, the regions underwent a significant transformation over the 200-year period, with the addition of new facilities and resizing of existing ones.

In 1800, farmland for animals was located in the southwestern part of the area. After a century, this space was replaced by three industries, Bun Hill, and a village for workers. Woodland was still situated in the northwestern part in 1800, but it had diminished by 1900. It is notable that three other areas remained unchanged over the century.

By 1900, there were three industries, Bun Hill, and a village for workers located in the southwestern section. After another 100 years, the area for these three locations was expanded; industrial zones were added, and Bun Hill was merged with the village for workers into one area. In the northwestern corner, only woodland existed in 1900, but by 2000, this area had been supplemented with Bun Hill and a park. Brindell itself expanded, while the River Stour contracted. In contrast, farmland did not experience any changes over the century.