The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2000 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first bar chart illustrates the proportion of film categories that launched from 1996 to 2000. The second chart represents the percentage of movie ticket purchases at the same time.
Overall, the kind of prevailing movies such as drama and comedy occupied the largest proportion in both aspects including the number of films and also the profit from it. Noticeably, the tendency for all kinds of films tends to increase over the timeframe, except the figure of romance category.
Regarding the first chart, among the 4 film genres, drama accounted for the largest proportion of films released at 25%, which was 5% higher than the figure for the comedy genre and twice as high as fantasy at approximately 13% in 1996. Following 4 years, drama, comedy, and fantasy all shared the same increasing pattern which rose to more than a third, a quarter, and more than a fifth respectively. In addition, a tiny fraction of romance remained the flat pattern over the period at just almost 5%.
Regarding the second chart, in 1996, the most purchased rate was seen in the comedy genre at 20% which witnessed a growth of nearly a quarter in 2000. Following the same pattern, but a far smaller change, the drama ticket sales rate recorded a slight rise just by about 1% at the same time. Noticeably, from 1996 to 2000, the ticket sales proportion of fantasy and romance were both at a very small number but constituted an opposite trend, while the former rocketed from under 5% to roughly 8% and the latter plunged from 5% to just almost 2%, making it became gerne hold the lowest profit

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Errors and Improvements:

"kind of prevailing movies" -> "dominant film genres"
Explanation: "Kind of prevailing movies" is awkward and lacks precision. "Dominant film genres" is a more concise and accurate phrase to describe the most influential movie categories.
"Noticeably, the tendency for all kinds of films tends to increase over the timeframe" -> "Notably, there is a general trend of increasing film production across all genres over the period"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and awkwardly structured. "Notably" conveys the same meaning more effectively, and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and conciseness.
"Regarding the first chart, among the 4 film genres" -> "In reference to the initial chart, out of the four film genres"
Explanation: "Regarding" is overly formal; "In reference to" maintains formality while being more precise. Additionally, "out of" is more concise than "among" in this context.
"Following 4 years" -> "Over the subsequent four years"
Explanation: "Following 4 years" lacks clarity and sounds unnatural. "Over the subsequent four years" is more precise and grammatically correct.
"a tiny fraction of romance remained the flat pattern" -> "A negligible percentage of romance films exhibited a stagnant trend"
Explanation: "A tiny fraction of romance remained the flat pattern" is awkward and lacks clarity. "A negligible percentage of romance films exhibited a stagnant trend" provides a clearer description of the data.
"the most purchased rate was seen in the comedy genre" -> "the highest rate of ticket purchases was observed in the comedy genre"
Explanation: "the most purchased rate" is grammatically incorrect. "the highest rate of ticket purchases was observed" is a more formal and precise phrasing.
"Following the same pattern, but a far smaller change" -> "Similarly, albeit with a more modest increase"
Explanation: "Following the same pattern, but a far smaller change" is awkwardly phrased. "Similarly, albeit with a more modest increase" maintains coherence and clarity while being more concise.
"making it became gerne hold the lowest profit" -> "resulting in it becoming the least profitable genre"
Explanation: "making it became gerne hold the lowest profit" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "resulting in it becoming the least profitable genre" is a clearer and more concise expression.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the provided graphs. It presents an overview of the film categories released and ticket sales percentages for 1996 and 2000. Key features such as the dominance of drama and comedy in both film releases and ticket sales are highlighted. However, some details may be inaccurate, such as stating that drama accounted for 25% of films released in 1996 when it was actually around 20%. Additionally, the comparison between genres could be more fully extended, and there are minor grammatical errors throughout the essay.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy in presenting statistical information. Extend comparisons between genres more thoroughly. Proofread the essay for grammatical errors to enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transitional phrases like "Regarding," "Following," and "Noticeably." Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, discussing either the film categories or the ticket sales. The use of cohesive devices helps maintain coherence and cohesion within and between sentences.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion further, consider enhancing the clarity and precision of referencing. For example, instead of using vague terms like "the first chart" and "the second chart," specify which specific charts are being referred to (e.g., "the chart depicting the percentage of films released" and "the chart illustrating ticket sales"). Additionally, ensure consistency in the use of tense throughout the essay to avoid confusion. Finally, refine paragraphing to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, with the use of a variety of film-related terminology such as "film categories," "genre," "proportion," "tendency," and "pattern." There is also an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary such as "prevailing" and "rocketed," which adds depth to the discussion. Additionally, the essay shows some awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "occupied the largest proportion" and "shared the same increasing pattern." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "became gerne hold" instead of "became the genre holding," which slightly affects clarity.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using precise vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Pay attention to word choice and ensure that less common vocabulary is used accurately. Review the text for any awkward or unclear phrases and revise them for clarity. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors will further strengthen the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, fitting the Band 6 descriptor. Complex sentences are used to describe data trends and comparisons across film genres and years, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings ("making it became gerne hold the lowest profit") that occasionally hinder clear communication but do not entirely obscure the meaning. Punctuation is generally managed well, though there are instances where better punctuation could enhance clarity. The overall grammatical control allows the reader to understand the essay’s main points, despite these errors.

How to improve:
To aim for a higher band, focus on improving the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Practice constructing sentences that are not only grammatically correct but also flow naturally and clearly express your points. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement to avoid common mistakes. Additionally, enhance your range of grammatical structures by incorporating more varied and advanced constructs, such as conditional sentences and passive voice where appropriate, to demonstrate flexibility and precision in your writing. Regular feedback from a language instructor or using language improvement tools can provide specific insights and corrections that aid in developing grammatical accuracy and range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts depict the distribution of film categories released and ticket sales percentages in a particular country during the years 1996 and 2000. Overall, it is evident that genres such as drama and comedy dominated both in terms of film releases and ticket sales, with a notable increase observed across most categories over the specified timeframe, except for romance films.

In examining the first chart, drama films constituted the largest proportion of releases in 1996, accounting for 25%, surpassing comedy by 5% and fantasy by double at approximately 13%. Over the following four years, drama, comedy, and fantasy genres all experienced an upward trend, with their proportions rising to over a third, a quarter, and more than a fifth respectively. However, the romance genre remained relatively stagnant, maintaining a consistent percentage of just under 5% throughout the period.

Turning to the second chart, comedy films held the highest ticket sales rate in 1996 at 20%, experiencing a growth of nearly a quarter by 2000. Similarly, drama ticket sales saw a slight increase of about 1% during the same period. Notably, fantasy and romance genres, while both starting with relatively low percentages in 1996, exhibited contrasting trends. Fantasy sales soared from under 5% to approximately 8%, whereas romance sales plummeted from 5% to nearly 2%, marking it as the genre with the lowest profitability.

In summary, the data illustrates the dominance of drama and comedy genres in both film releases and ticket sales, with noticeable fluctuations observed in the sales percentages of fantasy and romance genres over the specified period.