The illustrations below show how coffee is sometimes produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The diagram illustrates the dry method of coffee production.
Overall, the process begins with hand-sorting the coffee beans, and ends with packing and selling the products.
On the coffee plantation, the coffee beans are sorted by the hands of the farmers before getting cleaned using sieves. After that, the beans will be carried to the fields, and be dried in sun for successive 4 weeks. During the time, workers will rake and turn the beans regularly to achieve the finest quality. Then, the beans will be stored in silos, before being sent to mills by trucks.
By hulling, the beans and their husks are separated from each other, making it to the next step of the process, grading to select the best beans. Then, they will be put in bags and sold in markets. Companies will buy the beans, then roast them before packing and selling them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the dry method of coffee production." -> "The diagram depicts the dry processing method of coffee production."
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates" with "depicts" provides a more precise verb choice for describing visual representations, enhancing the academic tone. Additionally, "dry method" is vague; "dry processing method" specifies the type of processing involved.
"Overall, the process begins with hand-sorting the coffee beans, and ends with packing and selling the products." -> "In summary, the process commences with manual sorting of coffee beans and concludes with packaging and distribution of the products."
Explanation: "In summary" is more formal than "Overall," and "manual sorting" is more precise than "hand-sorting." "Packaging and distribution" is a more formal and comprehensive term than "packing and selling."
"the coffee beans are sorted by the hands of the farmers" -> "the coffee beans are manually sorted by farmers"
Explanation: "Manually" is more concise and formal than "by the hands of," and removing "the" before "farmers" avoids redundancy.
"getting cleaned using sieves" -> "being cleaned using sieves"
Explanation: "Being cleaned" is grammatically correct and more formal than "getting cleaned," which is colloquial.
"the beans will be carried to the fields, and be dried in sun for successive 4 weeks" -> "the beans are transported to the fields and dried in the sun for four weeks"
Explanation: "Transported" is more precise than "carried," and "four weeks" is numerically more formal than "successive 4 weeks." Additionally, "in the sun" is grammatically correct compared to "in sun."
"workers will rake and turn the beans regularly" -> "workers regularly rake and turn the beans"
Explanation: Removing "will" makes the sentence more direct and formal, aligning better with academic style.
"making it to the next step of the process" -> "advancing to the next step in the process"
Explanation: "Advancing" is more formal and precise than "making it," which is vague and informal.
"Then, they will be put in bags and sold in markets." -> "They are then packaged and sold in markets."
Explanation: "Packaged" is a more formal term than "put in bags," and removing "they will be" simplifies the sentence structure for clarity and formality.
"Companies will buy the beans, then roast them before packing and selling them." -> "Companies purchase the beans, roast them, and then package and sell them."
Explanation: "Purchase" is more formal than "buy," and rephrasing the sentence to "roast them, and then package and sell them" improves the flow and clarity of the process description.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the process, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the beans are dried in the sun for four weeks, but the diagram shows that they are dried for a shorter period. The essay also mentions that the beans are graded to select the best beans, but the diagram does not show this step.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details about the process. The writer should also make sure that the essay is consistent with the information presented in the diagram. The writer should also avoid making assumptions about the process, such as the length of time the beans are dried.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the initial sorting of coffee beans to the final selling of the product. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphs, the organization within them is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could work on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smoother. Improving paragraph structure by grouping related ideas together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic would also contribute to a higher score. Finally, varying sentence structures and avoiding repetitive phrasing could help to create a more engaging and fluid narrative.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing the coffee production process. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "hulling" and "silos," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrases, such as "sorted by the hands of the farmers" which could be more naturally expressed. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "successive 4 weeks" which should be "successive four weeks." While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. Additionally, improving the natural flow of phrases and ensuring correct spelling and word formation will enhance clarity. Practicing with synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors present. While the overall structure is coherent and the main features of the coffee production process are reported clearly, there are several grammatical inaccuracies, such as "the hands of the farmers" (which could be more succinctly phrased) and "making it to the next step" (which is awkward). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do indicate a lack of control over more complex structures.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentences and ensuring that all grammatical forms are used correctly. Additionally, reducing the frequency of errors and improving punctuation will contribute to clearer communication and a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the dry method of coffee production. Overall, the process begins with hand-sorting the coffee beans and ends with packing and selling the products.

On the coffee plantation, the coffee beans are sorted by the farmers before being cleaned using sieves. After that, the beans are transported to the fields, where they are dried in the sun for a duration of four weeks. During this time, workers regularly rake and turn the beans to achieve the finest quality. Subsequently, the beans are stored in silos before being sent to mills by trucks.

In the hulling stage, the beans and their husks are separated, allowing the process to advance to grading, where the best beans are selected. Following this, the beans are placed in bags and sold in markets. Companies purchase the beans, roast them, and then pack and sell the final products.